minime13 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I've been good friends with a guy for about 5 years now (I'm a woman), and I think he's suddenly cut me from his life. We used to hang out all the time, like 2 or 3 times a week, and then I moved a little further out of town a couple of years ago, and he started focusing on working out and getting into shape. He also started dating someone, whom he is still involved with. They just recently moved in together, and I am getting the feeling that she's made him cut ties with all of his female friends. The last time we actually hung out together, we met up for drinks and talked about some relationship issues I was having. I was pretty upset and thought my own relationship was leading to a break up, and really just needed to vent. During that conversation, the subject of his girlfriend came up - I asked him about how they were doing, and asked him if he was ever going to introduce her to our group of friends. I found it weird that he had been involved with this woman for at least 2 years, and nobody in our circle of friends had even met her. This was before they moved in, but were talking about it. His response was that he was afraid that we wouldn't get along and that it worried him because he considered me to be one of his best friends (I'm pretty easy-going, so I'm not sure if the inclination was toward me or his girlfriend), and I told him I'd be happy with anyone he was happy with. I've never been critical of this relationship and was kind of confused by that. Anyway, at the end of the night, we talked about perhaps meeting up (he and his girlfriend, and me and my boyfriend if things were smoothed out), and that was that. This was at the end of January, and it was the last time we hung out. Since then, we've texted each other here and there (nothing big, just chit-chat), and the last time we talked was in April. Then I noticed that he stopped following me on the social media pages I have an account with, and stopped responding to texts. So, I feel like I'm kind of being cut out. It's kind of sad and confusing, and I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure how to approach this, especially if it is the case of his girlfriend urging him to drop all his female friends (we're both in our 30's, have never been intimately involved, and that attraction just isn't there). If that's the case, then I respect the decision, if he thinks she is the one for him and wants to please her, but it's just kinda sad. Any advice on how to handle this? Does it sound like he's cut me out? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 It's normal when couples move in together to cut out contact with opposite sex friends. He is probably making her do the same with her male friends. I think it's okay to have opposite sex friends when in a relationship providing that the person is friends with you both. Things like they drop by the house, attend your parties, cookouts, etc. The only way to handle this is to leave him alone. If he contacts you invite them both for coffee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 She probably is suspicious of him with women. She may have reason to be in general, too. So just leave it be. Sorry for your loss though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Open up to him and tell him that you suspect that his gf is weary of your friendship with him and that maybe it would help if all of you got together again so she can get to know you better so she won't worry. Whatever you do, say it gently and kindly from a place of concern and care not jealously and anger. Don't put his gf down or say anything negative. Though with that said, it is possible that he just isn't interested in keeping in touch as often, and feels it's inappropriate to be texting and hanging out with another woman while he's in a serious relationship. How does your bf feel? Have you talked to him about this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I'm sorry you're feeling so sad about this. It can certainly be hard to lose a good friend. It sounds like he recently took his relationship with his gf to a another level, with them moving in together and all. It's possible that she asked him to cut ties with you, and other close female friends in an effort to build a stronger emotional bond between the two of them. If he ever told her that he trusted you, or confided in you, I could see where that might feel threatening to her. If that's what happened, I understand why he would go along with it. It would have been nice of him to explain the situation to you though. Leaving you in the dark, wondering what you might have done wrong isn't fair. Maybe you'll run into him soon and he can clear things up for you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minime13 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Open up to him and tell him that you suspect that his gf is weary of your friendship with him and that maybe it would help if all of you got together again so she can get to know you better so she won't worry. Whatever you do, say it gently and kindly from a place of concern and care not jealously and anger. Don't put his gf down or say anything negative. Though with that said, it is possible that he just isn't interested in keeping in touch as often, and feels it's inappropriate to be texting and hanging out with another woman while he's in a serious relationship. How does your bf feel? Have you talked to him about this? My bf doesn't have an issue with me being friends with other men. This friend and I were good friends before I met my bf, and he was a little wary at the beginning. So, I invited the friend out to meet him and hang out with us, which allowed him to see that there was really nothing to be wary of. I guess I could see, if the gf is the one calling the shots, why she may be like this - given that she's never been around us when we've hung out and doesn't know me as anything but another woman in his life. I would also encourage him to make decisions that would allow their relationship to grow. If this is what it has to be, then I can accept that. I just wish that a discussion would have taken place before simply being cut off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Well just invite your friend and his gf to go out with you and your bf. I don't think it's fair to say "since she is calling the shots" because like WWIU said he may be the one to think it's inappropriate to keep in touch. Once your friends gf finds out you have no interest in her bf because you have your own and you want to get together with them not just him; who knows the 4 of you could end up really good friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Well just invite your friend and his gf to go out with you and your bf. I don't think it's fair to say "since she is calling the shots" because like WWIU said he may be the one to think it's inappropriate to keep in touch. Once your friends gf finds out you have no interest in her bf because you have your own and you want to get together with them not just him; who knows the 4 of you could end up really good friends. The only reason I said that is because I know him, and not her, and don't feel that he would make that decision on his own. You're right, though, I don't know one way or another. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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