Has this friendship ran it's course??

[glamtran]

My best friend is a few years older than me and we met a few years ago at work. Her and I have been through a lot and her and her family really took me under their wings when I really didn't have much else. But these last few months she has really become stressful. She is in a very abusive relationship and this past fall she wanted me to sign her common law papers so it can become "official". I said I need to read up on how what this contract means, but really I wasn't going to sign it cause they are bad for each other and her bf has disrespected me personally too. She freaked out and called me a bad friend and other terms.

I wasn't allowed to look into what I was signing even if I agreed.

 

This happened about a month ago too, she invited me to a fire during the upcoming long weekend. I said MAYBE because it's my mothers bday and and I had other tentative plans and even she wasn't sure what day exactly. So, she replied with "well if you're going to be busy every weekend this summer then have a good one." She canceled the whole event after that.

 

Then today, she asked if I wanted to come on a trip with her at the end of June she was originally going with her bf. but now he can't afford it or whatever. I politely said no because I have goals I'm trying to save up for which is true. She then got mad again cause I've gone on trips with other mutual friends in the past. I tried to explain that that is true but my finances were different and these friends like to do things I like more. I'm the type that like to travel to shop, go to bars, get dolled up. So were they. She is more of a home body type and likes quieter night as she is over weight and insecure. We've had countless talks about this. So I tried to say it's probably not the best idea. She's mad again, and we ended off with her telling me I'm a bitch and to remember that all my friends are only there because she connected me with them. That's only partially true.

 

So this is happening more and more often and I'm getting depressed. As I say above, she is also kind of boring and we are very different people. She is the house wife type and I've invited her out before and she always says no cause she's tired or insecure in crowds. But she is a big part of my life and my social scene and I don't know many people or readily meet new ones. Please help!

[whichwayisup]

Sometimes friends out grow one another.

Maybe this is a good thing as it'll push you to meet other people and form new friendships. Relying on one person and their friends for your social life isn't such a good thing.

[preraph]

I wouldn't sign those papers either. I'd tell her it's abusive and she needs to get out and that she shouldn't bring kids into the situation.

[Methodical]

Sometimes friendships do run their course and rather than seeking common ground or a new path to travel, the journey comes to an end and it's sad.

 

Keep in mind that my opinion is based on the small blip of information you provided. As an outsider looking in, I think your friend's feelings are hurt because when the chips were down she was there for you. Not only her, but her family too.

 

Question about the common law marriage... If your friend planned a huge elaborate wedding, would you attend? And if so, when the minister asked if anybody can show just cause to stop the wedding, would you?

 

Your friend asked you to join her at what I assume was a bonfire gathering and you put her off by being indecisive. "Maybe" kind of sounds like "yes unless something better comes along," because you obviously didn't have definitive plans where your mother's b-day was concerned. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm looking at how your friend may have perceived your response.

 

Then, she asks you to accompany her on a trip. Again, I understand the financial issue you mentioned, but on the flip side of the coin, your friend sees that you had time and money to do with others once you got back on your feet, and that's fine, but once again you turned her down.

 

You're not obligated to tag along or fill in when her boyfriend flakes, no. You go on to say that your other friends like to do things you like more, such as shopping, clubbing, getting dolled up, and she's a housewife/homebody type. However, you elaborated a bit more and stated that she is overweight and insecure.

 

That made me pause. You are judging and comparing her to yourself and others, which made me wonder when her weight and insecurities became an issue? Certainly not when she befriended you, at that point in your life when you didn't have very much. She didn't judge you, she befriended and helped you. You even say that she is partially responsible for the friends you have now.

 

It almost sounds like she was too good a friend when the chips were down and now you feel she's beneath you...except that you don't know many people or readily meet them...so you still need to keep her around.

 

This may sound harsh, but as an outsider looking in, this is how I believe your friend sees your relationship. You're asking for help so look at the situation from her side of the fence as well as yours. Good luck!

[glamtran]

I get that she may have seen my messages in a different light. But she seems so on edge with me, and I do know that she gets stressed and depressed pretty easily and a lot of that comes from her own insecurities with her weight, her relationship, etc.

 

She's not beneath me, and I can't thank you enough for her support and presence over the years. But we don't really have anything in common anymore it seems, and it's hard to enjoy her company these days. Also, it doesn't help that she seems to get angry and/or offended after every conversation we have.