snooplama Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I have a friend that I'm trying distance myself from. She is a childhood friend and we lost contact for twelve years. We reconnected on Facebook a few years ago. She was not a good friend back when we were kids. She did things that caused trouble with me and members of my family. I didn't feel a great loss when we stopped talking. During the time we stopped talking she got some help and was on the right track. She is bi-polar and has depression issues. She was on medication when we started talking again and then stopped taking them three years ago. She has been on a downward spiral of depression ever since. There is nothing I can say or do to make things better. She likes to talk to me when she is drunk and depressed. I try to say things to make her feel better and that makes her angry. I think she just wants someone to dump on. I tried being there for her but after three years I am burnt out and done. Last year she wanted to visit me for her birthday. I live a few states away and tried very hard to make it special for her. I spent a lot of time and money trying to be a good host. During the trip she was very rude and nothing was making her happy. When she got home she listed all the way I wronged her during the trip. These were flat out lies and when I told her she was lying she said I was drinking and don't remember. We were drinking one evening but I was not crazy drunk. I have never blacked out while drinking. I was drinking because that's what she likes to do. Who is she to tell me what I do and don't remember? So that was her birthday last year. For my birthday a few months later she sends me a birthday card and a text that says happy birthday. I respond to the text by saying thank you and I will call her later that day. She texts back not to call her because she is busy. She went out of her way to barely acknowledge my birthday. I was not expecting a gift but it hurt when she said not to call her that day. When she does call me the next day she acts like nothing happened and its back to her usual depression issues. This year she is wanted me to visit her for her birthday and I said no. I know she expects me to do something for her like send a gift. I don't want to do anything for her after how she treated me last year. I feel like this is wrong somehow. I am very resentful and I feel like I should move past that and send her some flowers or something. All of this is her untreated condition. She was a nice person back when she was on her meds. So should I be the bigger person and send her something or treat her like how she treats me? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Jeez, NO, you shouldn't do anything but maybe send her a card. Tell her you're slammed at work or whatever and in a tight money crunch and just don't have the time or money to mess with it, if she corners you about it. No. Don't reward people for bad behavior. She didn't appreciate it before. If you want to cut her off, you can tell her that. Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Toxic friend and inviting them back into your life to celebrate their birthday... hum probably not a good idea. You're cutting her out for a reason no point in prolonging it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Don't do anything. She is not a friend anymore, she's rude and toxic. You've outgrown her and she is not the person she once was. Distance yourself from her and just send a happy birthday text. No card. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 If she sent you a card, I'd send either a card or text and put it out of your mind. No phone calls, don't return her contacts, don't invite her out to visit. I think you can empathize with her depression issues from a distance, but she chose to treat you shabbily on several occasions. After what's happened, it's not worth your trouble to try to sustain the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I'd send her a card. That's what she did for your birthday. There is no need to go out of your way for her. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 For my birthday a few months later she sends me a birthday card and a text that says happy birthday. Do the same at the very most. You've already gone above and beyond by hosting her for her last birthday, and that went unappreciated. Put forth no more effort than a card and a text. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Don't why you waste your time doing anything for them? Link to post Share on other sites
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