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Friend/Roommate getting drunk tons


melissacus

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I'm currently a live-in nanny for my good friend's two daughters, 3 years old and 6 years old. My friend is a bartender and on weekdays usually works from about 3 or 4 in the afternoon until midnight. On the weekends, she works until about 2 in the morning. But the children are with their father on weekends, so that doesn't really matter....anyway, she has been coming home from work really drunk the past couple of weeks. This was a problem about 6 months back when she came stumbling home at 4 in the morning, drunk, while I was at home with the two girls, wondering where she was. She never notified me that she would be out that late and didn't text me back when I messaged her asking if she was okay. Anyway, I confronted her about it, frustratingly I admit, and there was about a 2 month tiff between us because of it; she got very defensive. The drinking sort of came to a halt after that up until recently. She's starting to come home increasingly for late, more often than not, drunk. There's a few reasons I find this concerning: 1) she has kids, sometimes they're awake when she comes home and she interacts with them drunk, tries to put them back to bed 2) her 6 year old misses at least one day a week of school because she is too tired to get up in the morning to take her 3) it's just bad for her in general and I'm worried 4)I feel like she is taking advantage of the fact that I'm her friend, taking care of her kids for her.

My dilemma is that I'm not sure if I should talk to her about it. While she is my friend, she is also my roommate and I technically work for her, I'm worried that if I talk to her about it, I might be crossing a line and tension will be created once again. If I do decide to confront her about it, any suggestions on how to approach the subject? Not only am I worried about her, her safety, mental/emotional stability and job, but am worried about her two daughters. Any advice/perspective would be appreciated!

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Well, first of all, the kids should NOT be up when she gets home. And that's your job to see they're not. Of course, she needs to get them up and get them to school or else pay you to do it. She works late, so it's going to be hard. And she's making it harder by drinking. Can you do anything to ensure that she gets up in the morning? Like set her alarm while she's still at work so at least that isn't an excuse that she forgot to set it? If it reaches the point where you believe she's neglecting her kids, well, really it's your duty to report her to CPS. If she ever drives them somewhere drunk, you need to report her. It's just not cool she's letting her kids miss school either, but if you say something, she can just kick you out and you lose your income. Of course, she might be better off with a nonfriend nanny who might be more inclined to report her if she isn't taking care of the kids. I don't understand why the school hasn't nailed her on all the absences. It would help if they did. You could suggest they do, but they would probably tell her they had a complaint. They should be calling her on it though.

 

I have said something to one of my friends about taking her kids out of school for stupid reasons. I don't know if it did any good or not.

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Your friend has an alcohol problem and you can't help her with that.

 

At the moment you are her enabler, part of the problem.

 

Get another job and move out.

 

Soon.

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Well, first of all, the kids should NOT be up when she gets home. And that's your job to see they're not. Of course, she needs to get them up and get them to school or else pay you to do it. She works late, so it's going to be hard. And she's making it harder by drinking. Can you do anything to ensure that she gets up in the morning? Like set her alarm while she's still at work so at least that isn't an excuse that she forgot to set it? If it reaches the point where you believe she's neglecting her kids, well, really it's your duty to report her to CPS. If she ever drives them somewhere drunk, you need to report her. It's just not cool she's letting her kids miss school either, but if you say something, she can just kick you out and you lose your income. Of course, she might be better off with a nonfriend nanny who might be more inclined to report her if she isn't taking care of the kids. I don't understand why the school hasn't nailed her on all the absences. It would help if they did. You could suggest they do, but they would probably tell her they had a complaint. They should be calling her on it though.

 

I have said something to one of my friends about taking her kids out of school for stupid reasons. I don't know if it did any good or not.

Well, yes of course I make sure they're in bed, I put them to bed at 9pm every night. But when she comes home the little one will often wake up from her noise or because she needs to use the bathroom, etc. She has her alarm set every morning for 7am but often sleeps through it. I also leave early every morning for classes or for my other job, so making sure she gets her daughter to school is totally out of my hands and not my responsibility. If I had the time though, I wouldn't mind getting her daughter up and to school at all though just so she can have that stability and schedule. She only works super late on the weekends when she the father has the girls. During the week when they're here with us, she gets off at midnight at the latest and is only out later because she's mingling and drinking. She's gotten letters about her absences and she laughs it off and doesn't take it seriously. Her manager also had a meeting with her yesterday about her job being in jeopardy for drinking on the job and she laughed that off as well. The boundaries between concerned friend and roommate/employee makes it a difficult situation... :/

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Your friend has an alcohol problem and you can't help her with that.

 

At the moment you are her enabler, part of the problem.

 

Get another job and move out.

 

Soon.

 

Agh... Kinda my thoughts.save up for a few more months then find another place to live...then it'd be simpler to voice my concerns. Thank you for your response :)

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