Nasher21 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi everyone. I'm going to try to make this as concise as possible. I started a new job in November last year and had a tough start. After a month I met this girl there and we instantly became friends. She said early on she had a boyfriend but I was ok with it. We texted everyday, around NYE she said she felt strongly about me. It snowballed from there, sexual talk, that she saw herself having a family with me one day. After a while we decided we had to put a stop to all this. She said she couldn't see me in person as the feelings for me were too strong. After about it week of this she messaged me and we were talking again. We kept talking about how we needed to do what was best to save the friendship. She would still not see me in person but it was like a mutual respect and she said she really cared about me. but it lasted 3 days. I would often tell her how frustrating it was to not be able to do anything about our attraction and I think he got fed up when I said it one day. She would often give me the silent treatment which was infuriating and this time was no exception. After 2 weeks of not talking I emailed her at work one day to ask if we could be civil towards each other and she said she didn't want to have any contact again. She said I treated her like ****. I tried to remind her how strong our connection was and that we should at least give each other space with a view to being friends again but she had none of it saying it wouldn't be the same and that she had had enough. Heartbroken, I swallowed my pride and told her I respected her decision and wished her all the best. This has really affected me deeply. I just can't figure out what has happened. I understand we probably need space for, each other. Is there any chance of going back to friends eventually. I really value her friendship and want her back in my life. Nothing ever happened with us physically. It is so hard to see her at work now it's ruined everything. i hope this isn't too concise I just really want some insight. Am I doing the right thing by backing off and giving space? Was I right to be respectful and not get caught in a fight with her? I hope she speaks to me again. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 She had what some would classify as an emotional affair with you. She's now pulled back to save her primary relationship or because she realized what she was doing was wrong. Personally I think you dodged a bullet. A woman in a relationship who classifies herself as your friend has no business having sexy conversations with you or telling you that she can see herself having a family with you. She has no boundaries & no filter. The fact that you work together further complicates all of this & makes me question both of your judgment, or more particularly lack there of. She's not worth the effort / energy you are giving this. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Fact, you can't be 'friends' with someone that you have feelings for, hence the complications you're experiencing. She has a boyfriend and it's unfair to him for her to keep investing in you. Cut her loose, wish her well and move on. Your idea of friendship is not platonic (emotionally) when it comes to her. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 This has really affected me deeply. I just can't figure out what has happened. I understand we probably need space for, each other. Is there any chance of going back to friends eventually. I really value her friendship and want her back in my life. Nothing ever happened with us physically. It is so hard to see her at work now it's ruined everything. i hope this isn't too concise I just really want some insight. Am I doing the right thing by backing off and giving space? Was I right to be respectful and not get caught in a fight with her? I hope she speaks to me again. You are doing the right thing by backing off and giving her space, because you actually have no choice in the matter. She said she didn't want to have contact again. You have to respect that. You were also right to be respectful, as taking the high road is always the way to go. I'd give up on the friendship at this point, because she's not offering any. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Correct. Prolonging the friendship only prolongs the pain. I too cannot "just be friends," with someone I'm attracted to if the feelings are either not known or not reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nasher21 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Sorry for the late reply. I'd like to thank all who took the time to post their thoughts. I am still very disappointed and while it's not what I want to hear it's most likely what I need to hear. The thing that I have probably neglected to admit that you have made me realise is that I'm trying to have a normal friendship with someone I have feelings for. At first I thought it was just a strong connection but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I hope I can be happy again and meet some good people, will need some time. Link to post Share on other sites
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