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Dropped new "friend"- now I feel bad


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Hi

 

(long teeny-sounding story- thanks in advance to whoever reads!)

 

Moved to a new city last year and didn't know anyone. I slowly started hanging out with people from my new job but didn't feel that identified tbh and in general I started to feel pretty lonely. One night I was robbed (nothing worth elaborating), filed a police report and they tracked down the thieves. I was on the other side of town had to head to the police station and don't have a car so I asked a new girl from work for a ride, so she took me there. During the trip we clicked right away, she was so relaxed and supportive. She waited for me until I was done with the report, adviced me, even late at night offered to take me back to the station to ask about the investigation.

 

We started to hang out daily after this, always out together for lunch, discovering new bars and restaurants in different neighborhoods. Usually it takes me a while to open up but I felt like I could talk to her about anything and that felt so good! We are both in our 20s but she's 4 years younger than me.

 

She started asking me about a guy from work that I talked to a lot, things about him and I realized that she liked him and that they'd actually make a nice couple. So I started playing 'cupid' and sometimes invited him over to places so they'd get to know each other.

 

One night she asked me if I found someone attractive at work. I told her I didn't (even though I would often find myself flirting with a guy (let's call him bob)). She kept asking and I told her I had just gone through a breakup and didn't feel attracted to anyone really. She then asked 'well if you had to sleep with someone who would it be?!' (a little childish but it was okay), so I laughed and said 'maybe bob?' and she then said 'I KNEW IT! I could see that you REALLY like him' and I said I didn't "really" like him but he was fine enough. She then said 'ADMIT IT!', so I said 'okay okay let's say I'm sexually curious about him!'. By the way people said he liked me before I even noticed him and that's where the curiosity started for me.

 

So next night out, it was her, me, the guy she liked and she invited 'bob'. That night was fun and we all ended up hanging out at bob's place and I realized I started to like how he was and I liked how he was looking at me all night.

 

Next day as she was driving she looked at me and said: "I feel confused you know, ever since last night I can't stop thinking about bob, I mean I like (the guy she was hooking up with) but also bob!! I'm so torn! they're both my type but so different! bob is just so mature and I need someone like that in my life! he looked so cute last night.... why are you so serious? you're okay with this right??', I said yes and that I didn't care.

 

We continued to hang out and she couldn't stop talking about him, and praising him for things that to me weren't all that like how much he's traveled, how he dresses etc. And in all of those exchanges she would always end with 'I can tell you are jealous! admit it!'. I was to some extent but mostly I felt disappointed and upset that she was turning out to be that kind of girlfriend.

 

Things started to get serious with the guy she was hooking up with. She started feeling nervous and confessed she was bisexual to me and told me she wasn't entirely over a girl she got to know a couple years ago. I told her to take things very slow then.

 

Days later, they were kind of official, she said 'I have to tell you something: I'm hooking up with a girl tonight... it's a date, but don't say anything to him, I know you are his friend'. I said okay but that in my opinion it was only going to confuse her more. WELL! she started driving really fast and started raising her voice saying that she was confused, that she needed to sleep with a girl so she could then know with certainty how she feels about him, that I was making her feel bad, that now she felt guilty. I didn't say a single word, I was a bit scared about her driving and told her not to drive so fast. She then said 'you are just like my mom!! you are manipulative, you see people as pieces in your game and they need to act according to how you see that game being played out! I can't even go out tonight cause you just made me feel so bad... hey why are you so quiet??? god! you are making me feel like I'm doing something wrong!'.

 

She dropped me off and I was so freaked out the next day I avoided her at work. When I was leaving in the afternoon she approached me and didn't apologize but said that she knew she was wrong and that she would give him a chance. By then I was already concerned about these two big red flags, the bob thing and the tantrum while driving.

 

We started hanging out as usual and pretended nothing had happened. She was texting and calling me all day and it was okay with me, she can be funny and we can talk about a lot of daily happenings.

 

To be frank I realized her conversations were exhausting for me because it was like high school really, all boy talk!. When I would try to switch topics and talk about something else, she would get moody and get a little like that night on the freeway 'why don't you want to talk about him! he's cute!! your problem is that you are so controlling! and you like controlling people too that's why you still go back to your ex!'. (I found this way of talking to me hurtful but hey, she wasn't entirely wrong).

 

She got serious with this guy and they were together every night. I left my job so I didn't see them that often and then went on a trip for a week.

 

The day I came back she called me to say I was 'a bi*ch' for not letting her know that I was back and she asked me where I was (at a mall) and headed there within 20 minutes. She showed up in a bad mood about me not letting her know but I was so hungry I ignored it. We decided to go get something to eat and on our way there she started talking about a girl from work and how she won't admit she has feelings for a ONS that she had (typical talk from her). I said 'well let her be! sometimes you build up in your head a whole story and she may not necessarily have feelings for him just because they slept together'. That was it really and driving madness vol. II started, she said she was really hurt (as she drove faster) about me saying she builds stories in her head, that I made her feel so immature and like I thought of her as inferior to me, she said I was so judgamental. She went on ranting for 5 minutes and I couldn't believe it was happening again.

 

[can I add that she was copying even the way I dressed since we started hanging out... and that one time I confessed I had slept with someone who had an STD, but got checked and nothing, only for her to say days later she felt a weird symptom and half-joked about drinking from the same cup, and then asked me 'you REALLY don't have anything right? you can tell me! we are friends!' (even if I did- how would it be transmitted from a cup?)]

 

We made it to dinner, relaxed, laughed, bought ice cream, said goodbye to each other as she dropped me off and when I got to my place I felt so.. stressed out, and relieved too that I was finally home and she was gone.

 

A few days later I got a job and she replied almost angrily about why I hadn't told her I applied for that, she then kind of made fun of my salary. I felt upset and stopped replying.

 

It's been now two weeks and I just feel lighter. She keeps texting me, sometimes I reply but very brief... I don't take her calls.. she texts me sad faces after an hour or so goes by from her texts.. it makes me feel bad! I reduced contact from 100% to 5% really, that was done to me once (that was a breakup though) and it hurts and I can't believe I'm the one doing it to someone else!

 

Last night we hung out for the first time after that last dinner, with other people, and as we were getting our food she said 'I feel like you've been avoiding me- Why?'. Everyone felt awkward and I just smiled and told her 'we are eating, come on now'. That was all I said. She didn't say a word for the rest of the night and left early with her bf (who by the way implied I've been off the radar because I must now be making cooler friends- not true but I can see how I may come off as so selfish as I cut contact around the time of my new job/"new life").

 

Everyone tells me that they don't know how I tolerated her this long, but I still feel bad for just dropping her. She helped me so much during the robbery thing, at times when I felt lonely, and considering that last dinner we parted in good terms, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know why I suddenly don't want to have anything to do with her. It was just a mix of everything- the bob thing, the bizarre tantrums, the attacks out of the blue on my personality, even the tiring boy talk.

 

Does she deserve an explanation? I don't want a confrontation (considering how she reacts), I just think she forgot her limits and became a little abusive. We've been friends for barely two months, is it all worth it?

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whichwayisup

Nope, don't give her an explanation, just say you've been really busy. Anything more than that will cause drama.

 

I've been in your shoes and I tell ya, distancing myself made a huge difference, I felt lighter and the stress level disappeared.

 

That 'friend' is the type who zaps you of all your energy. Makes you feel yucky and you can't trust her either. Yes she did a nice thing for you by helping you but you can't stay close friends with a person just for that reason.

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she sounds a bit crazy to me, leave it, be busy, i see over-reacting to you in your story, i see red flags, be careful

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Certain things about her sound like an old bipolar narcissistic roommate of mine. She was always acting like she was fixing me up with me and then sneaking off with them herself, etc. It was like she used me for an excuse to talk to them to fix us up and then felt that gave her the right to, you know, giveth and taketh away. It got really embarrassing at times. Plus needless to say, like your friend, she wasn't really caring if you were really interested in them or not. It was her game, really.

 

And the way she starts driving bad like that, that friend of mine did it a couple of times. It was part of her being bipolar. It was flash anger. Really crazy and dangerous.

 

The part about her dressing like you -- I will never tolerate that again. An old old friend of mine who ended up betraying me bigtime began doing that, trying to be me. It's not ever healthy. It's one thing to like one thing they get or wear, but not try to take over their identity.

 

I wouldn't like her interfering in my life that way. I love my old roommate, warts and all, but there were times she really pissed me off. She'd do sophomoric stuff like grab a guy's butt and blame it on me. One night I was on my own talking to a guy and having a nice conversation and all of a sudden she had been over on the other side of him and then left and he just went ice cold. He made some comment to me about grabbing him and thought I did it. She acted like she did that stuff to be funny, but honestly, now knowing she's a card-carrying narcissist, I think it was just her trying to get all the attention back on herself. When we lived together, there were a couple of people she hated to be in the room with because they could take her audience away (she was usually able to be the center of attention). She would get downright mad if someone else became the center of attention.

 

You should keep setting limits with her. If you keep seeing her she's going to want to know why, and you should just tell her everything. Tell her you don't like her trying to keep tabs on you, you don't like her embarrassing you by telling guys you like them and then taking an interest in them yourself, you don't like how she's cheating on her boyfriend, and you don't like her copying you like a little bitch.

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Ah thanks for the support! I do wish I could tell her but I'm not sure it's something she can change, it seems to come out in most aspects of her personality, and I'm not sure I can take such confrontation right now...

 

And preraph, she did that sophomoric stuff too at work!, she'd pinch my elbow while giggling if a cute client was talking to me... one time a male coworker bent down to reach something and she grabbed my arm and started giggling and I laughed and then laughed more at the way he looked at us all embarrassed that we were (judging by her giggles) looking at his butt. I felt so embarrassed myself later, I'm close to 30 and giggling at someone's butt like I'm 12? ugh...

 

She also didn't like me talking to another girl from work, she'd always come up with reasons on why she shouldn't go out with us, and one time she even grabbed my phone to read my texts and asked me about the name of a girl I had just texted. That fired me up and I told her 'wait wait wait, no cell phone grabbing okay? nobody touches my cellphone'. Come to think of it, I should've set up boundaries like that from the beginning... I just didn't think it would escalate...

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Little update: last time I saw her, at that night out, 'Bob' joined us just as she was leaving with her bf. Bob went straight to where I was and sat next to me and held my hand jokingly like 'I hadn't seen you for so long!' and had a big smile just staring at me. The night ended with just him and me walking around the neighborhood and then he hugged me, we were both too shy to do anything else really.

 

I haven't talked to her since but a friend we have in common paid me a visit, she's the friend that allegedly had a ONS and was being teased by this girl about admitting that she had feelings for the guy (so infantile). We hung out and talked about it, she says she's never slept with that guy and that she felt weird about how the other girl has been pushing that for a while, then I told her we didn't talk much anymore and she said 'yeah, she told me you ignored her the whole night at the restaurant and that she was so angry she left early with Bob' and I said 'what? no she didn't?' and she said 'yeah I thought it was weird too, why would she leave with Bob and not her bf so I asked her 'you left with Bob?!' and she said 'yeah I was just so mad with her''.

 

Could this be just an accident or does this girl really have some serious problem when it comes to lying or just big identity issues? why would she make that up? :laugh:

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Yeah, I'd say she has a serious problem about lying. She likes to get all in your business like about that Bob deal and then she feels like you're so stupid you'd never manage to get together with him yourself, so she pretends to be pushing you into it, and the whole time, she's just looking for an excuse to get on personal terms with Bob herself because she likes a lot of attention. She's competitive and thrives on chaos.

 

So now she is just lying trying to make YOU look like the interloper. You really better just cut that little snake right out of your life, off your Facebook, everywhere she might get some personal information to use against or manipulate you.

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She made it up because of her ego. Maybe she found out that he spent the whole evening with you, so now she wants him again. After all, she does seem to want whoever you want. She is also projecting onto you big time - pretending that you are controlling when she is the one who is like that. I once worked with a chick who was kind of like that. She would accuse me of things that were more true about herself than they were about me. Then, she would take things she liked about me and pretend they were true about herself. It was like inside her head she was switching places with me. I wouldn't have cared so much except that she REALLY went out of her way to try and convince me it was true! It took a long time to get her off my back. Once they dig in their claws, they don't want to let go.

 

 

This ex-friend of yours sounds out of control. It's a good thing you don't work together anymore. And I agree with Preraph, get her off your facebook and block her from reading your info. She will probably continue to stick her nose in your business as much as possible, even cybersnooping, until she finds a new victim.

 

 

Don't feel bad for dropping her. She probably has this pattern with people. Don't give her an explanation. She'll just twist what you say and run around telling everyone the "mean" things you said to her.

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Yeah, I thought it was her ego or maybe her subconscious talking. Like maybe she really wished it was her and Bob leaving she's a bit in denial or something.

 

Thankfully I don't have facebook, and don't have her anywhere else. You're so right about 'her new victim', a couple days ago I saw she had liked all the latest pictures of the other girl's alleged ONS guy, and even commented on how good he looked. The other girl has explicitly said she likes him, and he likes her AND he's also friends with this girl's bf.

 

My only concern now is that she'll text Bob and make something up or create drama, I don't know. He did ask me if something was going on between us (since everyone saw us hanging out all the time) and I told him vaguely that it was too much babiness and after a couple of tantrums I was out, and he laughed and said 'yeah when I'm next to them I feel like a grandpa', so hopefully...

 

I just don't get it, she has so many things going on (jobs, family issues, relocation, money), you'd think she wouldn't have this amount of energy. I remember when she'd give me a ride after work, I was so worn out (and I wasn't even doing half of the things she was up to) I'd just hear her going on and on about how to interpret something like the way some guy was playing with his pen. All I could think of was the tea I was going to drink before sleeping and how much I wanted to pass out.. :laugh:

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ReinventingMe

It sounds like the woman has mental health issues. I don't think I would explain why I distanced myself but I would keep her at arms reach. Sure, still mingle with her socially from time to time but I would not be driving with her anymore.

She seems almost as though she has a very low self esteem which is why she invents stories such as her leaving with bob. Also she most likely had a thing for bob but needed to use you as a reason to reach out to him because of her low self esteem. You were the reason she had to talk to him.

She will always be drama until she talks to someone and figures some things out.

Also just because she helped you out after your robbery (sorry to hear that happened) doesn't mean you are beholden to her really. I mean a nice thank you card and some flowers would have even'd the ante so to speak.

So I think you are really questioning this because you are one of those nice people that feels obligated to be nice to her because of her help. (maybe?)

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The thing that concerned me most is the driving fast when highly emotional - don't put your life in danger by getting in the car with her. Just remove yourself from the interaction, which you already have. Stick to your tea and relaxation, that's the best thing :)

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Hi

 

(long teeny-sounding story- thanks in advance to whoever reads!)

 

Moved to a new city last year and didn't know anyone. I slowly started hanging out with people from my new job but didn't feel that identified tbh and in general I started to feel pretty lonely. One night I was robbed (nothing worth elaborating), filed a police report and they tracked down the thieves. I was on the other side of town had to head to the police station and don't have a car so I asked a new girl from work for a ride, so she took me there. During the trip we clicked right away, she was so relaxed and supportive. She waited for me until I was done with the report, adviced me, even late at night offered to take me back to the station to ask about the investigation.

 

We started to hang out daily after this, always out together for lunch, discovering new bars and restaurants in different neighborhoods. Usually it takes me a while to open up but I felt like I could talk to her about anything and that felt so good! We are both in our 20s but she's 4 years younger than me.

 

She started asking me about a guy from work that I talked to a lot, things about him and I realized that she liked him and that they'd actually make a nice couple. So I started playing 'cupid' and sometimes invited him over to places so they'd get to know each other.

 

One night she asked me if I found someone attractive at work. I told her I didn't (even though I would often find myself flirting with a guy (let's call him bob)). She kept asking and I told her I had just gone through a breakup and didn't feel attracted to anyone really. She then asked 'well if you had to sleep with someone who would it be?!' (a little childish but it was okay), so I laughed and said 'maybe bob?' and she then said 'I KNEW IT! I could see that you REALLY like him' and I said I didn't "really" like him but he was fine enough. She then said 'ADMIT IT!', so I said 'okay okay let's say I'm sexually curious about him!'. By the way people said he liked me before I even noticed him and that's where the curiosity started for me.

 

So next night out, it was her, me, the guy she liked and she invited 'bob'. That night was fun and we all ended up hanging out at bob's place and I realized I started to like how he was and I liked how he was looking at me all night.

 

Next day as she was driving she looked at me and said: "I feel confused you know, ever since last night I can't stop thinking about bob, I mean I like (the guy she was hooking up with) but also bob!! I'm so torn! they're both my type but so different! bob is just so mature and I need someone like that in my life! he looked so cute last night.... why are you so serious? you're okay with this right??', I said yes and that I didn't care.

 

We continued to hang out and she couldn't stop talking about him, and praising him for things that to me weren't all that like how much he's traveled, how he dresses etc. And in all of those exchanges she would always end with 'I can tell you are jealous! admit it!'. I was to some extent but mostly I felt disappointed and upset that she was turning out to be that kind of girlfriend.

 

Things started to get serious with the guy she was hooking up with. She started feeling nervous and confessed she was bisexual to me and told me she wasn't entirely over a girl she got to know a couple years ago. I told her to take things very slow then.

 

Days later, they were kind of official, she said 'I have to tell you something: I'm hooking up with a girl tonight... it's a date, but don't say anything to him, I know you are his friend'. I said okay but that in my opinion it was only going to confuse her more. WELL! she started driving really fast and started raising her voice saying that she was confused, that she needed to sleep with a girl so she could then know with certainty how she feels about him, that I was making her feel bad, that now she felt guilty. I didn't say a single word, I was a bit scared about her driving and told her not to drive so fast. She then said 'you are just like my mom!! you are manipulative, you see people as pieces in your game and they need to act according to how you see that game being played out! I can't even go out tonight cause you just made me feel so bad... hey why are you so quiet??? god! you are making me feel like I'm doing something wrong!'.

 

She dropped me off and I was so freaked out the next day I avoided her at work. When I was leaving in the afternoon she approached me and didn't apologize but said that she knew she was wrong and that she would give him a chance. By then I was already concerned about these two big red flags, the bob thing and the tantrum while driving.

 

We started hanging out as usual and pretended nothing had happened. She was texting and calling me all day and it was okay with me, she can be funny and we can talk about a lot of daily happenings.

 

To be frank I realized her conversations were exhausting for me because it was like high school really, all boy talk!. When I would try to switch topics and talk about something else, she would get moody and get a little like that night on the freeway 'why don't you want to talk about him! he's cute!! your problem is that you are so controlling! and you like controlling people too that's why you still go back to your ex!'. (I found this way of talking to me hurtful but hey, she wasn't entirely wrong).

 

She got serious with this guy and they were together every night. I left my job so I didn't see them that often and then went on a trip for a week.

 

The day I came back she called me to say I was 'a bi*ch' for not letting her know that I was back and she asked me where I was (at a mall) and headed there within 20 minutes. She showed up in a bad mood about me not letting her know but I was so hungry I ignored it. We decided to go get something to eat and on our way there she started talking about a girl from work and how she won't admit she has feelings for a ONS that she had (typical talk from her). I said 'well let her be! sometimes you build up in your head a whole story and she may not necessarily have feelings for him just because they slept together'. That was it really and driving madness vol. II started, she said she was really hurt (as she drove faster) about me saying she builds stories in her head, that I made her feel so immature and like I thought of her as inferior to me, she said I was so judgamental. She went on ranting for 5 minutes and I couldn't believe it was happening again.

 

[can I add that she was copying even the way I dressed since we started hanging out... and that one time I confessed I had slept with someone who had an STD, but got checked and nothing, only for her to say days later she felt a weird symptom and half-joked about drinking from the same cup, and then asked me 'you REALLY don't have anything right? you can tell me! we are friends!' (even if I did- how would it be transmitted from a cup?)]

 

We made it to dinner, relaxed, laughed, bought ice cream, said goodbye to each other as she dropped me off and when I got to my place I felt so.. stressed out, and relieved too that I was finally home and she was gone.

 

A few days later I got a job and she replied almost angrily about why I hadn't told her I applied for that, she then kind of made fun of my salary. I felt upset and stopped replying.

 

It's been now two weeks and I just feel lighter. She keeps texting me, sometimes I reply but very brief... I don't take her calls.. she texts me sad faces after an hour or so goes by from her texts.. it makes me feel bad! I reduced contact from 100% to 5% really, that was done to me once (that was a breakup though) and it hurts and I can't believe I'm the one doing it to someone else!

 

Last night we hung out for the first time after that last dinner, with other people, and as we were getting our food she said 'I feel like you've been avoiding me- Why?'. Everyone felt awkward and I just smiled and told her 'we are eating, come on now'. That was all I said. She didn't say a word for the rest of the night and left early with her bf (who by the way implied I've been off the radar because I must now be making cooler friends- not true but I can see how I may come off as so selfish as I cut contact around the time of my new job/"new life").

 

Everyone tells me that they don't know how I tolerated her this long, but I still feel bad for just dropping her. She helped me so much during the robbery thing, at times when I felt lonely, and considering that last dinner we parted in good terms, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know why I suddenly don't want to have anything to do with her. It was just a mix of everything- the bob thing, the bizarre tantrums, the attacks out of the blue on my personality, even the tiring boy talk.

 

Does she deserve an explanation? I don't want a confrontation (considering how she reacts), I just think she forgot her limits and became a little abusive. We've been friends for barely two months, is it all worth it?

 

She sounds nuts. I wouldn't have told her ANY personal information, including the thing about having slept with someone with an STD! I feel like my walls would have gone up toward her long before that! she seemed like she wanted to get into everybody's business and then you never know what she'd do with the information. I think you did the right thing by dropping her. Ordinarily i might say next time just keep her around for small talk, don't reveal anything. Just be light and friendly. but when you avoided her for weeks and she couldn't even figure out maybe it was something she had done, or even offered an apology, instead of getting angry at you. I say good riddance!

how you acted at the dinner party after that sounded appropriate!

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Little update: last time I saw her, at that night out, 'Bob' joined us just as she was leaving with her bf. Bob went straight to where I was and sat next to me and held my hand jokingly like 'I hadn't seen you for so long!' and had a big smile just staring at me. The night ended with just him and me walking around the neighborhood and then he hugged me, we were both too shy to do anything else really.

 

I haven't talked to her since but a friend we have in common paid me a visit, she's the friend that allegedly had a ONS and was being teased by this girl about admitting that she had feelings for the guy (so infantile). We hung out and talked about it, she says she's never slept with that guy and that she felt weird about how the other girl has been pushing that for a while, then I told her we didn't talk much anymore and she said 'yeah, she told me you ignored her the whole night at the restaurant and that she was so angry she left early with Bob' and I said 'what? no she didn't?' and she said 'yeah I thought it was weird too, why would she leave with Bob and not her bf so I asked her 'you left with Bob?!' and she said 'yeah I was just so mad with her''.

 

Could this be just an accident or does this girl really have some serious problem when it comes to lying or just big identity issues? why would she make that up? :laugh:

 

wow,.. this whole situation with this girl is so drama-filled. You are doing the right thing by distancing yourself. soon she will try to mess up your relationship with your other friends and coworkers!

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Yeah, I thought it was her ego or maybe her subconscious talking. Like maybe she really wished it was her and Bob leaving she's a bit in denial or something.

 

Thankfully I don't have facebook, and don't have her anywhere else. You're so right about 'her new victim', a couple days ago I saw she had liked all the latest pictures of the other girl's alleged ONS guy, and even commented on how good he looked. The other girl has explicitly said she likes him, and he likes her AND he's also friends with this girl's bf.

 

My only concern now is that she'll text Bob and make something up or create drama, I don't know. He did ask me if something was going on between us (since everyone saw us hanging out all the time) and I told him vaguely that it was too much babiness and after a couple of tantrums I was out, and he laughed and said 'yeah when I'm next to them I feel like a grandpa', so hopefully...

 

I just don't get it, she has so many things going on (jobs, family issues, relocation, money), you'd think she wouldn't have this amount of energy. I remember when she'd give me a ride after work, I was so worn out (and I wasn't even doing half of the things she was up to) I'd just hear her going on and on about how to interpret something like the way some guy was playing with his pen. All I could think of was the tea I was going to drink before sleeping and how much I wanted to pass out.. :laugh:

 

 

how did you see her commenting and liking the guy's pictures on facebook if you're not on facebook?

Also can you use pseudonyms? I am having a hard time following this story. You gave "Bob" a name but not the main character! you just call her "this girl" and "the girl" or whatever.

Also - you ask why she spends so much time on this stuff - maybe she's truly unhappy with herself. She should get a hobby, but this IS her hobby! She is TOXIC!

 

PS sorry for sending three messages in a row! I was reading the thread in order and responding as I went along!

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She sounds nuts. I wouldn't have told her ANY personal information, including the thing about having slept with someone with an STD! I feel like my walls would have gone up toward her long before that! she seemed like she wanted to get into everybody's business and then you never know what she'd do with the information. I think you did the right thing by dropping her. Ordinarily i might say next time just keep her around for small talk, don't reveal anything. Just be light and friendly. but when you avoided her for weeks and she couldn't even figure out maybe it was something she had done, or even offered an apology, instead of getting angry at you. I say good riddance!

how you acted at the dinner party after that sounded appropriate!

 

I have already convinced myself that she's shared it with her bf... I do regret that, it was a late night conversation and I was being so open even though she had already shown her claws by that time. What's done is done I guess, I knew it had been a mistake when she came up with 'I have something weird in my mouth...gosh I hope it's not an STD'. It sounds paranoid but I knew she was enjoying tormenting a little, she had a way of smiling with her eyes. I wonder what she would've done if I actually had something and had shared it with her, I would've felt like crap..

 

Sorry I didn't use more pseudonyms! I'll try to call her K if there are more updates!

 

I saw the likes on instagram, which I don't have either, but I was admittedly snooping when I saw her commenting in one picture and then saw that she had liked all of his pictures aproximately from the time of the alleged ONS. By the way this is a guy that's obnoxious to put it nicely so for her to be liking everything it's random and clearly just to provoke or being territorial.

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I have already convinced myself that she's shared it with her bf... I do regret that, it was a late night conversation and I was being so open even though she had already shown her claws by that time. What's done is done I guess, I knew it had been a mistake when she came up with 'I have something weird in my mouth...gosh I hope it's not an STD'. It sounds paranoid but I knew she was enjoying tormenting a little, she had a way of smiling with her eyes. I wonder what she would've done if I actually had something and had shared it with her, I would've felt like crap..

 

Sorry I didn't use more pseudonyms! I'll try to call her K if there are more updates!

 

I saw the likes on instagram, which I don't have either, but I was admittedly snooping when I saw her commenting in one picture and then saw that she had liked all of his pictures aproximately from the time of the alleged ONS. By the way this is a guy that's obnoxious to put it nicely so for her to be liking everything it's random and clearly just to provoke or being territorial.

 

1) I have learned the hard way myself with some people.. definitely have regretted saying things to them! But the bottom line is, now we know! now we know the kind of person it is to avoid any more mistakes! When it happened to me with an ex friend, i just sort of came to an acceptance whatever I told that the psycho might be used against me, and it really gave me a sense of peace because I knew it wasn't really about me. She was crazy and I shouldn't take it personally. I just got in her path.

 

2) I don't now if K is paranoid, or just a MORON! lol. thinking she has an STD that way, lmao. ... You know what, actually now that I think about it: is it possible that was a dig at you? Like trying to make you feel bad about what you had just divulged to her? From your description she sounds like the type to try to hurt you... What do you think?

 

3) Oh, I see what you are saying now about the "likes"!

 

4) This is about something you mentioned in an earlier post - you mentioned feeling guilty about dropping her because she had been so nice to you that night you were robbed. But I don't think you should feel bad, for two reasons: First: When she did that, she wasn't really a friend yet - you guys had just met. As an analogy - You know how they say about men who abuse their wives? The wives always say how sweet and amazing he was when they dated, and how he swept them off their feet... then something changed and their true selves came out. Well I think her attentiveness during that incident was like the friendship version of the abusive husband scenario. She had to "sweep you off your feet" in a way to get you to trust her and become close friends. The second reason you shouldn't feel bad is that even if that shows that she has some good qualities, and she should be commended for that. But from the sound of it, the bad outweigh the good, and it just sounds like from what you're describing it's not a healthy situation. it is a toxic friendship. But if you do think that you want to be friends with her still, because of her good qualities, you would need to find a way to put up with her bad qualities.

 

anyways hope that helps! The story just really reminds me of this friend I used to have. Not the same exact story, obviously, but it resonates with me!

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I think your analogy of the abusive husband-wife dynamic is spot on and in a way it's something I have to deal with on my own. I have realized that it's some sort if pattern I developed... I'll justify a bunch of questionable actions with 'nice' memories I can count in ond hand, I don't know if it's about the people I end up feeling affection for in the first place or an inability to set up limits, or both!, but I've been struggling with that especially after a relationship that included a lot of this (the reason I signed up on LS).

 

That STD thing was actually some 'follow up' (literally the next day) to something she did during my last day in that job but that was too long to add here, when I told my mother she just called her sadistic and asked me why was I even hanging out with her.

 

Basically, we worked at a place that among other things, carries luxury items, so many months ago I saw a dress that I loved and when I looked at the tag, holy s*t! :lmao:... so I put it on hold hoping the holiday discounts and my employee discount combined could do the trick. When the holidays came around, it was still way over my budget but I couldn't let it go and kept it on hold, it was almost a joke among colleagues cause the bag with the dress would keep popping up in different drawers lol.

 

So in my last day, someone asked if I was finally going to buy it. K overheard and said 'you have something on hold?! can I see?!' and I said 'sure'.. so she got it out and surprise, 'this is actually really nice!! oh wow why is it still here?' and I said 'I still can't afford it!', and she said 'I really like it, can I try it on.. please??' (puppy face), I said feel free cause it wasn't even mine yet. Well she tried it on and was like 'This is so my style, are you going to buy it??' and I said 'probably' 'oh you're not sure?, cause I'll buy it for me if you don't' (:confused:!). Fast forward 5 minutes and she was still carrying the dress with her!. I was pissed but at the same time I knew it was so childish to fight over a dress like 5 year olds!, so I said 'what? you're gonna buy it?' and smiled at her like just say it you little bitch :laugh:... and she turned to a male coworker (who by the way had been silent the whole time) and said 'what do you think? should I get it?' and he said 'I couldn't picture you in that dress' and she looked at me and said 'what would you say if I buy it?' and I said 'hmm I'd say you don't know basic female codes'. I think she may have felt a bit bad and tried to pull a 180 saying 'I'm just kidding! I may buy it! but only as a belated birthday present for you, I realized I didn't get you anything! would you be okay if I buy it for you?'.

 

Anyway, I politely took it, put it back in a bag and bought it hours later.

 

I guess she just enjoyed the power trip over others. Money but also emotionally, I never got a kick out of seeing people vulnerable, not because I'm a nice person but I just don't find a motive for that, so her actions have been confusing and sometimes just bizarre, I tried to understand more but when these actions continued to hurt, I was out! I didn't even plan it and I certainly don't remember cutting someone before just like that.

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whichwayisup

You're not the only one who feels this way about her. She has a real bad in your face energy about her. Yuck! Good riddence. Laugh it off and don't ever let her get under your skin! She's not worth it!

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