Ex best friend might end up in the same grad school program as me

[justacollegekid]

Hey so I just got accepted into the grad school of my dreams. The only thing is....so did my ex best friend from undergrad. This terrifies me. We were part of the same friend group for most of college. She is super social and super charismatic...kind of the opposite of me I am more on the reserved side. Me and her were really close, but I started realizing she was super sensitive and had low self esteem, and on top of that was passive aggressive. This meant that she caused a ton of drama. What I mean is....someone in our friend group would do something like...say hi to her in a begrudging way because they were in a bad mood and it had nothing to do with her. She would take that...and start ignoring them, not including them anymore, making them seem like terrible people to the rest of the group..and because she is so charismatic and the center of the group that person would be alienated. Eventually if they grovelled enough she would let them back in and things would be fine but then someone else would be the new target. Most of the group always ends up running right back...but me and one other girl got sick of it and refused to kiss her ass unless she apologized for talking **** about us and excluding us. She didn't apologize she just got more mad and that meant we will always be her targets and any little thing we do we will get talked **** about. I try and avoid her...and its a big school so I can. There was one situation where I had a roommate that was friends with me but then got close to her, and the roommate started turning against me because of her spreading ****....and it just caused me so many problems since she gave me a hard time. However for the most part people who I was really close with in the group didn't turn against me...it was only the ones that were closer to her that started being asses.

 

I'm terrified for next year though because the program is small. I am not as charismatic as her and I have a harder time making friends. I feel like if she is going to go in and start talking about me right away I will make no friends and everyone will be standoffish. Plus this is different people won't already know me so they might be inclined to judge me based off of what she lies about me. I can't fight back because I am not as charismatic as her, not as social, and I just don't like gossip anyways. How do I handle this? I just wanted a fresh start after getting into my dream school. This is a phD program so I will be stuck with her for years. Plus there aren't that many people and I know I will definitely need people to study with/ work on projects with so what if she is there and cause them to ignore me. Part of me thinks I don't really want the type of people to bully with her as my friend anyways but still.

Edited February 26, 2015 by justacollegekid

[preraph]

You know what, the older people get, the more quickly they can see through her high school antics. Try to be sure you are not sharing a dorm with her even if she wants to and if there are any options to not be in all the same classes, request that. Sit far away. Don't pay attention to her around other people, so if she talks about you, you can act like you barely even know her and don't know why she has an issue.

[Standard-Fare]

Don't even consider this girl as part of the equation in making your decision. This decision is about your goals and your future.

 

Best case scenario, she chooses another path. Worst case, you end up in the same small grad program with her and you deal. This will be a new environment with new people. If she carries in baggage from the past, that's her problem. You can consider it a fresh slate. Who knows, you two might even be able to develop a new type of relationship in this environment.

[whichwayisup]

This is a phD program

 

let's hope this group is mature and can decipher for themselves her crap. I'm sorry but at a certain age (most) people don't want drama or bullying behaviour in college. You all are there for a reason, you want to be there and you've all paid money so DO NOT let her make you feel bad. Be kind to her when you need to be. Your personality will shine through and you'll connect with others. Just because her personality is stronger doesn't mean she's gonna turn all against you and you'll be left out.

[kendahke]

It's time for you to learn that not everyone you're going to deal with as you get older are people you want to deal with, but you are going to have to learn how to deal with them. You will run into scenarios like this in the workplace throughout the course of your career, so now is a good time to learn how to do it and maintain your dignity and professionalism.

 

Yes, she may succeed in getting weak minded people to fall into her drama pool--not everyone out there is strong minded and willing to travel outside of the herd. Your task is to perform on your assignments, network with those you need to network with and get that hood/tam/degree, not get swallowed up in high school drama.

 

You probably will need to summon up an air of "no nonsense"--like Oren Ishii in Kill Bill Vol 2 when she took off the head of the crime boss who was talking isht about her pedigree. You don't need to whip out your katana, but you need to not operate in fear of this chick or her weak minded minions.

 

To wit:http://youtu.be/w3TPmiAnkAs

[Darren Steez]

Lead an authentic life.

 

If you are true to yourself and not being fake then this girl can say whatever she wants, people will have formed their own opinion of you by then. If they are so easily swayed as to believe what she says then you really don't want to be associated with them anyway.

 

Thing is, even if she does end up in your program, be civil to her. You never know she might have mellowed.