Roommates/best friends keeping to themselves?

[La Trese]

I am currently living with who used to be my two best friends. This is our senior year of college, and I was so excited to live with them. But before we moved in, there was some friendship drama. It wasn't even between us, but it was between us and other members of the group and the group fell apart. One of the roommates preemptively started saying things like, she is scared to live with us now...she wished she lived alone, she is afraid the drama will continue even though we were all close and the drama wasn't between her and us it was between her and someone else in the group. She started off the year by not responding to our texts asking when she was moving in, not responding to our texts telling her she was late on the first month's rent, locking her bedroom door (despite being friends for 3 years.....and despite us both loaning her money countless times, despite me giving her rides countless times...like why would she feel the need to lock the door when we have given so much to her makes me angry), keeping her door always closed, and never coming out of her room. At first I assumed that was just how she was, but then i'd knock on her door and try to hang out with her and she would barely open the door sometimes not even open it and just ask what which I find super rude. She once said to me she wished she got her own apartment because she was afraid we would gang up on her and that made me super angry because we have never ganged up on her and her assumption that we will is based on her own drama with the friend group that we have had nothing to do with. We have tried so many times to reach out to her...she is the one isolating herself. Not only that, but she won't do anything...no cleaning, never pays her portion of the bills unless we ask her several times. We even helped her move in when she asked and there was no thank you, and that still wasn't enough to make her stop acting so weird. The other roommate left her door open at first and we would hang out, but she started closing her door too because the other roommate made her feel so awkward. Because roommate A kept doing these rude annoying things, roommate B started taking the side of the girl who roommate A's drama was with because she felt based on the way roommate B was acting the girl was right in what she said about her, and now there is tension between roommate A and B. I really don't know what to do. I have tried so many times to reach out to roommate A and sometimes I feel like will get through to her and she will act normal, and then she will go right back to acting uncommunicative and distant. I am kind of tired being the one to always initiate things. At one point I felt so hurt, I started avoiding her. When I started blatantly avoiding her, she started coming to me. Then when I would reciprocate, she would go right back to being rude. This whole situation is kind of making me feel lonely because despite living with my two best friends, we are basically all always in our rooms and never really hang out with each other. I kind of feel like I lost my two best friends now....me and roommate B are still more friendly with each other but if this continues until the end of the year, i'm pretty sure roommate A and I will not see each other again once we graduate and that makes me sad because at once we were really close and nothing even happend between us, its just her acting like everyone is against her. How should I handle this? I am kind of tired of being the one to always initiate things with both of them and i'm honestly offended and tired of roommate A's bull**** mistrust despite all I have done to try and prove to her that I am still her friend and we will not hold her past drama against her. Roommate B thinks I am trying too hard to prove to roommate A I am her friend and that Roommate A isn't even being a good friend to me and doesn't deserve it. Should I just completely give up on roommate A and stop bothering to reach out to her? Should I just maybe hangout with roommate B, but not as often? Would you be hurt by roommate A or am I just being too sensitive? Its just that we used to talk every day. We were so close. And now that we are living together I see her less than when we weren't living together.

Edited February 23, 2015 by La Trese

[preraph]

You already know that the only time she's responsive is when you back off. I don't know why you're bothering to beg anyone for attention given the situation. If someone is being rude, you don't reward that by begging and kissing *ss. You only reward when someone is doing something nice. Like if you ignore her or them and then they invite you to do something and keep it positive and not just use it as an excuse to spew resentment.

 

 

You ignore bad or rude behavior and suck it up that you are lonely. Go find new friends. I wouldn't even prompt her to pay bills. If she didn't do it, I'd kick her out.

[kendahke]

I am currently living with who used to be my two best friends. This is our senior year of college, and I was so excited to live with them. But before we moved in, there was some friendship drama. It wasn't even between us, but it was between us and other members of the group and the group fell apart. One of the roommates preemptively started saying things like, she is scared to live with us now...she wished she lived alone, she is afraid the drama will continue even though we were all close and the drama wasn't between her and us it was between her and someone else in the group. She started off the year by not responding to our texts asking when she was moving in, not responding to our texts telling her she was late on the first month's rent, locking her bedroom door (despite being friends for 3 years.....and despite us both loaning her money countless times, despite me giving her rides countless times...like why would she feel the need to lock the door when we have given so much to her makes me angry), keeping her door always closed, and never coming out of her room. At first I assumed that was just how she was, but then i'd knock on her door and try to hang out with her and she would barely open the door sometimes not even open it and just ask what which I find super rude. She once said to me she wished she got her own apartment because she was afraid we would gang up on her and that made me super angry because we have never ganged up on her and her assumption that we will is based on her own drama with the friend group that we have had nothing to do with. We have tried so many times to reach out to her...she is the one isolating herself. Not only that, but she won't do anything...no cleaning, never pays her portion of the bills unless we ask her several times. We even helped her move in when she asked and there was no thank you, and that still wasn't enough to make her stop acting so weird. The other roommate left her door open at first and we would hang out, but she started closing her door too because the other roommate made her feel so awkward. Because roommate A kept doing these rude annoying things, roommate B started taking the side of the girl who roommate A's drama was with because she felt based on the way roommate B was acting the girl was right in what she said about her, and now there is tension between roommate A and B. I really don't know what to do. I have tried so many times to reach out to roommate A and sometimes I feel like will get through to her and she will act normal, and then she will go right back to acting uncommunicative and distant. I am kind of tired being the one to always initiate things. At one point I felt so hurt, I started avoiding her. When I started blatantly avoiding her, she started coming to me. Then when I would reciprocate, she would go right back to being rude. This whole situation is kind of making me feel lonely because despite living with my two best friends, we are basically all always in our rooms and never really hang out with each other. I kind of feel like I lost my two best friends now....me and roommate B are still more friendly with each other but if this continues until the end of the year, i'm pretty sure roommate A and I will not see each other again once we graduate and that makes me sad because at once we were really close and nothing even happend between us, its just her acting like everyone is against her. How should I handle this? I am kind of tired of being the one to always initiate things with both of them and i'm honestly offended and tired of roommate A's bull**** mistrust despite all I have done to try and prove to her that I am still her friend and we will not hold her past drama against her. Roommate B thinks I am trying too hard to prove to roommate A I am her friend and that Roommate A isn't even being a good friend to me and doesn't deserve it. Should I just completely give up on roommate A and stop bothering to reach out to her? Should I just maybe hangout with roommate B, but not as often? Would you be hurt by roommate A or am I just being too sensitive? Its just that we used to talk every day. We were so close. And now that we are living together I see her less than when we weren't living together.

 

 

Quite honestly, I would leave roommate A alone except for when it's time for her to fork over her share of the bills. Then I would go in hard on her because that isht is not funny--PAY YOUR BILLS, GIRL! YOUR MAMA DON'T LIVE HERE!

 

If there is no tension between you and roommate B, then develop that relationship.

 

It seems to me that roommate A is a drama queen and she appears to be at the nexxus for all of the f**kery going on in your circle of friends.

 

I would recommend you three sitting down and hashing this all out and stop trying to play nice with Roommate A--that's not going to work and she doesn't seem to understand nice. She only seems to understand creating issues with people and then playing the victim when she's brought to account.

 

Some people are not meant to be in your life forever. Some are only in your life to teach you a lesson you need to learn and then move on. Roommate A appears to be such a person. Stop investing in her. It's more trouble than she's worth.