marimari Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I have a girlfriend who I know from highschool. We hang out sometimes, but I noticed that when she has a boyfriend, she isn't investing in our friendship, and I tried to accept that. I was always there for her, shoulder to cry on. We were both single, and we liked the same guy who was my one night stand, we only kissed but in the past years he tried to hook up with me, and I always said no. We started all to hang out, me her, and that guy and some of his friends, and I told her that I kinda like him. Then I noticed that she likes him, and I told her that I don't really like him, cause I wasn't sure and I was afraid that it will ruin our friendship. This guy has a close friend and that friend told me that I should be with him, and I said no because of her, and she doesn't know that. When I told her that I don't like him, her response was okay, cause she has a guilty concience and she likes him. It pissed me off cause I stepped back beacuse of her and I thought that she was doing something behind my back. Later on she hooked up with him. As the time goes by, she only calls me to tell me about him and I felt that as quite selfish, plus I was having huge problems and couldn't talk to her immediately and told her that. I knew she only wanted a listener, and that whole situation bothered me deep inside, and I wanted to clear my mind first. After three days I called her and we talked normally. Later on, I needed her, when I had some isssues, I try to call her, she didn't want to answer and I messaged her that I need her as a friend, she seemed like she wants to revenge, cause she told me that I didn't want to call her when she went on a first date with this guy, and so she doesn't want to answer my call. Am I wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Well, she honestly doesn't sound like such a great friend. She wants to bend your ear but doesn't want to listen. And you screwed up by telling her you don't care about that guy if you DO care about him. And if you have any reason to think his friend wasn't just talking out of his ass and was actually letting you know the guy likes you, then you probably should have taken action and let her know and let him know and went out with him at that time. But if they are now together, that ship has sailed. However, you have no obligation to keep being nice to her if she's not being a friend to you. I think you need a new best friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marimari Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Thank you for your reply. I think too that I need a new friend, and I really feel upset cause she was so rude to me, and when she was crying over her ex, I talked to her till 7 am in the morning. I feel used, and I know that our friendship is over, and I don't want to call her, but I feel so much laying on my chest, cause I am upset and pissed off. She doesn't know the whole story and she thinks that I am jealous because she is with him. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 This all sounds very high schoolish and unfortunately most girls don't mature until their 20's. Girls can be manipulative and back stabbers. You both like a guy - for whatever reason, you chose to step back and open the door to her and the guy hooking up. And they have and that bothers you (understandably). but if you were expecting her to step back and let you have him....you have to realize that the only person who will have YOUR back is YOU. Stop allowing others to walk on you. Seems like when you want her to be a friend, she is occupied (with a guy or not). Yet, when she wants to talk about a guy or something, you always drop what you are doing to talk to her. STOP. Friendship is a 2 way street. You have to be a friend in order to have a friend. She isn't a friend. Plus, it is natural when any friend (male or female) starts dating, their time is focused on their new partner. that is normal behavior. I can understand it upsetting you, but that's the way things are. We all only have x amount of free time....if we are entering a new relationship, we tend to give that person the most amount of time we can. My advice - find new friends. Life is going to be full of friends who hurt you --- it is part of life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Here's what you do. They won't be together forever, and once they break up, guess who's going to be calling you trying to cry on your shoulder until 7 in the morning again. That's when you tell her that you feel it's been a one-day friend street, with you always being there for her and her never being there for you, and get her off the phone and don't be available for her. Then disappear and get her off all your social media and stuff and if the guy comes back around, great. If not, there's other guys. She hasn't been a very good friend just in general, separate and apart from this conflict over the guy. So wait until he's out of the picture so things are clearer for both of you and then if it seems like she's just not a good friend still, dump her and block her. That BS about her not being there to just talk awhile when you had a crisis and needed a friend, that's not a real friend. If you do dump and block her, then she's not your friend anymore and if you want that guy, go for it. But if you choose to not cut her off, you're just inviting drama and problems if you go after him. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Thank you for your reply. I think too that I need a new friend, and I really feel upset cause she was so rude to me, and when she was crying over her ex, I talked to her till 7 am in the morning. I feel used, and I know that our friendship is over, and I don't want to call her, but I feel so much laying on my chest, cause I am upset and pissed off. She doesn't know the whole story and she thinks that I am jealous because she is with him. I had what I considered a good friend do this to me--would call me constantly about her love life issues with guys she needed to drop off at the mall. She would call me when I was dead asleep, and she would hear that I was asleep, but keep talking. Whenever I called her about my issues and she was asleep, I'd tell her I'd call her back later when she was awake. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I discovered my ex was cheating on me and I called her for support--like she'd done me when it was her who was hurting--and she told me that she didn't have time to listen to me talk about it. At first, I went on and got off the phone. Then I got hyper-pissed off and called her back and basically said to her "I'm so sorry for calling you and interrupting your time to talk to you about something traumatic that is going on with me. I clearly made a huge mistake in thinking that you were a friend I could turn to. You don't have to worry about me ever making that mistake again" and I hung up and never spoke to her again and that was 5 years ago. I cut her out of every aspect of my life. She blew up my phone, but I blocked her. Then she got her boyfriend's phone and left a message, but I deleted it without listening to it. My advice is to let her go on thinking whatever it is she wants to think because that's what she's going to do already. She was shady for going after a guy she knew you were interested in and was interested in you. Friends don't do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marimari Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jellybean89, Yeah, I know when someone starts dating, it is normal to only think about that person, but at that point I realised that I am not getting what I need from that friendship, when it all summs up, and I was really in a bad mood, and I didn't want to be available for her cause I was sick and tired of all. And now I will just look like a freak who hates her happiness and her dates. Prepah, I am really not into chasing that guy. That ship has sailed, and there will be other men, I am really not into that anymore, I am just upset because the friendship is on a loose end and because she didn't answer my call. Kendahke, you did the right thing, it was really selfish of her to do that. I think that I needed to do what you have done, called her and told her that she isn't my friend cause I am still pissed, and holding things inside. Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 It sucks I basically just had to get rid of a bunch of my friends. Mine is the trio thread. I don't think girls can be personally best friends with more than one other girl. I have a good friend here and a best friend who lives 4 hours away. I know both would do the world for me. I just joined this grad and professional group. There's about at least 20 people at any social event. It's been an adjustment since I only have like 2-3 friends at any time. It's kind of exciting though knowing these 20+ people could be my friends. I wish I had got involved in it before my friends ditched me when I was sick. People don't leave you who care about you. Your friend doesn't care about you. If anything, she's using you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marimari Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 It sucks I basically just had to get rid of a bunch of my friends. Mine is the trio thread. I don't think girls can be personally best friends with more than one other girl. I have a good friend here and a best friend who lives 4 hours away. I know both would do the world for me. I just joined this grad and professional group. There's about at least 20 people at any social event. It's been an adjustment since I only have like 2-3 friends at any time. It's kind of exciting though knowing these 20+ people could be my friends. I wish I had got involved in it before my friends ditched me when I was sick. People don't leave you who care about you. Your friend doesn't care about you. If anything, she's using you. Well, that friends who left you when you were sick, they are not your true friends and you know that. And you are right, girls can't be best friends when there are more of them. And it is really sad, cause now I think that women rarely can be friends, like doing stuff together. If you have one true friend nowdays, you are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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