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Men and women being friends.


E-Squared

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Why do some people feel that it is never possible and that people of the opposite sex shouldn't be friends? I am friendly with some women and I don't exhibit any romantic or sexual interest in some. I have a few female friends who I hardly ever show any sort of romantic or sexual interest in.

 

Some guy in another thread, who I can see is sexist, said that I should only have friends in the same gender. Why is that? Not to mention that he said that women are good for something pleasurable. Now I know he was being sexist on that one.

 

What do you think?

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I found a healthy middle ground in being friends with male friend's wives, children, etc. That's plenty of female friends, since a man's primary friendships are with other men, as we share far more in common than with women in the everyday sense.

 

I limit interactions with unknown women, meaning those not part of my social circle, to acquaintances. I don't get involved in their personal lives. This includes business contacts, like female customers or vendors. As virtually all women I encounter are married, I find it to be far healthier that way.

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One of my female friends is someone who I go way back with. I have known for a while and we get along well. I don't have romantic feelings for her. So it's possible to be friends with someone and not want to date that person. I am friendly with some girl at the gym, and while I acknowledge that she is pretty, I am not interested in her. So it is possible to interact with someone of the opposite gender without gaining romantic or sexual feelings for that person.

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my male friends hit on me

 

once they spilt up with their giirlfreinds and in both two instances, they both avoided offering me the marriages they had said they were looking for within chats in our platonic set-up

 

i was asked to move in by one and offered a screw by another, but not love, no, no romantic moments, or rings, just knee-jerk requests

 

a third one is still friends after asking, but two not

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Good question E-Squared.

My experience so far is that men I am friends with at some point do ask for more if they are single. That said, once I say no, let's stay par, I don't see why we should not be able to remain friends. Of course if there are strong feelings or the guy is uncomfortable it should be tabled for awhile.

On a friend zone thread I was told that's it- end of the road and friendship over. :(

 

I don't hang out with guys in situations that would be confusing or "teasing" so all grown-ups, ADULTS, I learn so much from both sexes. It is a human experience for me but I do realize I must consider not all share this POV.

I really enjoy women (i'm one) women are so smart and HILarious, really funny. I could say more- women rock.

I really enjoy men because they are smart and talk in straight lines. Also funny but more sublime. I really enjoy both.

I think it comes down to maturity and respect.

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As long as I'm single I will always want to date and/or have sex with any women that are friends. That's just how I am.

 

I honestly can't think of any girls who were my friends that I didn't want to sleep with.

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As long as I'm single I will always want to date and/or have sex with any women that are friends. That's just how I am.

 

I honestly can't think of any girls who were my friends that I didn't want to sleep with.

I can relate to that last part, but I never acted on it. I remember a few female friends who I mostly had a platonic relationship with and having lustful thoughts about them. However, that's about as far as I went. I never mentioned those feelings to them.

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I can relate to that last part, but I never acted on it. I remember a few female friends who I mostly had a platonic relationship with and having lustful thoughts about them. However, that's about as far as I went. I never mentioned those feelings to them.

 

In my experience, no good ever comes out of telling the girls that you have feelings for them. So you didn't miss out on anything.

 

I seriously can't remember how many female friends have kicked me out of their lives after they learned that I liked them.

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In my experience I found it hard to be strictly platonic friends with an opposite sex. Every time I tried, it never worked because they end up getting the wrong idea and start wanting more.

 

 

I am sure it can work in some instances but its very hard. The only male friend that I have is gay ,go figure lol

Edited by Mizz Layta
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Some guy in another thread, who I can see is sexist, said that I should only have friends in the same gender. Why is that? Not to mention that he said that women are good for something pleasurable. Now I know he was being sexist on that one.

I plead the 5th

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todreaminblue

I do think it is possible to have male friends....and vice versa...if there is mutual respect ..an understanding sex just isnt going to happen...deb

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Age, maturity and respect each play a part in the feasibility.

 

In some communities where same sex relationships are somewhat accepting, its not uncommon to hang and befriend the opposite sex ....So can friendships be established...sure. why not?

 

The commonalities seem to be key for some folks to be friends.

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I'm struggling to remain friends with female acquaintances, but thank God I have a couple of examples of how would that work out. I simply have no romantic nor sexual interest in them, but enjoy their company. Something like my sisters. Go figure.

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S-e-x

the main reason men and women cant be friends. Ive yet to have a male friend hang around me and want to be purely platonic. I cant even be friends with elderly men, same issue.

 

Im not interested romantically in male friends. Ive chosen him as a friend bc im not attracted to him. Guy would think we were friends bc I liked him.

 

I have male acquaintances in other states but not close. Nerp.

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I can relate to that last part, but I never acted on it. I remember a few female friends who I mostly had a platonic relationship with and having lustful thoughts about them. However, that's about as far as I went. I never mentioned those feelings to them.

 

Im glad you can contain yourself. Ive had male friends go berzerk. Not to mention the male friend who thinks you should dump your bf bc male friend spent a lil time with you. Drama drama drama

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Why do some people feel that it is never possible and that people of the opposite sex shouldn't be friends? I am friendly with some women and I don't exhibit any romantic or sexual interest in some. I have a few female friends who I hardly ever show any sort of romantic or sexual interest in.

 

Some guy in another thread, who I can see is sexist, said that I should only have friends in the same gender. Why is that? Not to mention that he said that women are good for something pleasurable. Now I know he was being sexist on that one.

 

What do you think?

 

People who think that way have very narrow views of the world and relationships IMHO.

 

I do think that if you are heterosexual and if your friend is not completely hideous to you lol, that it is possible that an attraction could form however, that possibility and acting on it are not inevitable neither is is uncontrollable.

 

I have male friends. Granted, it so happens that most of my closest friends are women and my closest guy friends are gay. But I have other male friends and some of them are attractive guys that I could see where I like them as people and should we spend more and more time together alone building emotional intimacy we could potentially cross the line and start seeing each other as more. But it's not a daily concern and it's not an active feeling. For the most part, we interact just fine like normal people with no sexual undertones or anything. I mean I do have some male friends who say suggestive things to me sometimes or express that they think I'm attractive but they don't really push it or try to pursue me, they may make that comment now, and move on to another subject and they date other women and live their lives and nothing happens. They also respect my relationship and me theirs so certain things we might joke about or certain ways we'd interact with each other when single we don't do it if the other person has a relationship just to make sure it is on the up and up on our end and respectful to their SO.

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Im glad you can contain yourself. Ive had male friends go berzerk. Not to mention the male friend who thinks you should dump your bf bc male friend spent a lil time with you. Drama drama drama

Well, I do have a conscience, so I try not to hurt friendships. I have heard of FWB relationships not lasting and they couldn't remain friends. Same with a Reddit post that I've read about a girl who was manipulated into having sex with her best friend so that he can get rid of his V-card. The part that really got me was that the guy didn't think he did anything wrong. I don't blame the girl for wanting nothing to do with him again after that.

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I think most straight men and women go into opposite sex platonic friendships with best intentions. The common argument is that one or the other isn't sexually interested because the other isn't their type.

 

Even myself, as a gay man, have plenty of male friends/acquaintances who've I mentally friend-zoned. This is especially true for any guy who reminds me of a family member no matter how good looking they are. Same thing when I run into men who remind me of someone I "used to know," with bad hygiene; the attraction is dead on arrival no matter how hot they might be physically.

 

When I was in my 20's I had a very narrow view of those I would find attractive partly due to being naive but also partly due to feeling young, attractive and invincible. I could afford to be overly picky. But those of us who are 30 or older know that as adults we know that we have the potential to fall for (sexually or emotionally) those who aren't our ideal type of partner. How many of us have fallen for a co-worker months or years into a working relationship whom we used to be strictly platonic with? What about those who have fallen for our in-laws? It wasn't like we purposely forced ourselves to fall for them. Things just happened.

 

I guess my point is we all have a mental tipping point. We might not be attracted to a friend now but a few months down the road who knows? The amount of time we spend with them, our environment and reasons for spending time with them all can influence our opinions and attitudes which can lead to feelings of attraction. I'd go on a limb and say that if our platonic friend is at least remotely attractive or average looking the potential for feelings to develop are there.

 

Then there are men who will admit that they'll only be friends with women they find attractive and stick to other men for their platonic fix. But this is another story for another day....

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Well, I do have a conscience, so I try not to hurt friendships. I have heard of FWB relationships not lasting and they couldn't remain friends. Same with a Reddit post that I've read about a girl who was manipulated into having sex with her best friend so that he can get rid of his V-card. The part that really got me was that the guy didn't think he did anything wrong. I don't blame the girl for wanting nothing to do with him again after that.

 

Well, yes. Many guys are friends with a girl for an opportunity for sex.

 

 

 

Just to add, a male friend is a lot like a bf. There is nothing narrow minded about believing men and women cant be friends. Some women like me do not want the sex and drama that comes with a male friend. If I nedd sex and drama, I can date. Im a woman who has a lot more in common with the average man, but still being friends with them is a no go unless hes gay. Some women genuinely cannnot be friends with men no fault of their own. Ive read stories of beautiful women who cannot have male friends.

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Well, yes. Many guys are friends with a girl for an opportunity for sex.

 

 

 

Just to add, a male friend is a lot like a bf. There is nothing narrow minded about believing men and women cant be friends. Some women like me do not want the sex and drama that comes with a male friend. If I nedd sex and drama, I can date. Im a woman who has a lot more in common with the average man, but still being friends with them is a no go unless hes gay. Some women genuinely cannnot be friends with men no fault of their own. Ive read stories of beautiful women who cannot have male friends.

I never said that it was narrow-minded, because it is understandable. I was just saying that I think it's possible because I have examples of interacting with women, and while acknowledging their attractiveness, I am not attracted to them. However, a lot of the female friends I have are mostly from my youth, like when I was in middle school and high school.

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I never said that it was narrow-minded, because it is understandable. I was just saying that I think it's possible because I have examples of interacting with women, and while acknowledging their attractiveness, I am not attracted to them. However, a lot of the female friends I have are mostly from my youth, like when I was in middle school and high school.

 

Not you, but someone else said it was narrow-minded. :)

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I never said that it was narrow-minded, because it is understandable. I was just saying that I think it's possible because I have examples of interacting with women, and while acknowledging their attractiveness, I am not attracted to them. However, a lot of the female friends I have are mostly from my youth, like when I was in middle school and high school.

 

well, maybe, the ones you are not attracted to are attracted to you. i don't believe you can be just friends with a guy (or girl), unless it is kept very casual and off of private topics. someone is interested on some level. the minute you venture into real friendship it crosses the line into feelings, and someone is feeling something, whether they admit to it or not. and seriously, if one of these female friends you are not attracted to just pinned you down one day and kissed you - would you back off and say no? doubtful...

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well, maybe, the ones you are not attracted to are attracted to you. i don't believe you can be just friends with a guy (or girl), unless it is kept very casual and off of private topics. someone is interested on some level. the minute you venture into real friendship it crosses the line into feelings, and someone is feeling something, whether they admit to it or not. and seriously, if one of these female friends you are not attracted to just pinned you down one day and kissed you - would you back off and say no? doubtful...

Hmmm, perhaps, but I have never sensed any sort of attraction from a female friend or anything like that. As for topics, I try not to mention anything too private. I remember a female friend mentioning something about sex, and I decided to drop the sex when mentioned because it was not in my place to talk about it. I don't kiss and tell, and I don't believe in having topics related to sex with friends.

Edited by E-Squared
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Well, I always had good male friends, guys who would tell me anything, and I thought they were just friends. But if I look back on it after decades of time, here's what the reality was:

 

I was very close friends with a coworker in retail who was in a band. He was also friends and went to lunch with another girl there who was married. So it seemed like he was able to be just friends. He was married. I was involved a little in his band and his band was like family to me. 3 years we were friends, and it was a little flirty, but it was mostly acting flirty to mess with people's heads we worked with. It seemed like he and the wife had a strong marriage. Then one day abruptly, he came to me telling me they were divorcing and he wanted to be with me.

 

After that was over, one of his bandmates kept contacting me and we hung out or going for pizza and this went on for a long time and then he tried to kiss me. Now, I felt like he was safe because I didn't think his friendship with the other bandmember would allow him to hit on me. But this was one of the shy not great looking guys who tried to sneak up on women. We are somewhat friends to this day, but I had to really clamp down on him. And he finally met the right woman, despite his sneakiness, and I like to think I mentally prepared him to do better with women because he was making a lot of classic mistakes like getting too invested before he knew them.

 

Another friend, one of my ex's called "the model." He was that good looking. We also worked together. Any woman would have been willing for it to go further, but he was telling me his woes with the woman he was crushing on and it was fairly clear he viewed me as a friend. We went out of town on overnights to see concerts and everything, did a lot together. He knew I was in love with someone else. Well, the someone else I was in love with had broken my heart badly with an old friend of mine during a breakup, but we ended up working together for years. During this time he remarried this jealous psycho. Eventually, she cheated on him with my "male model" friend, and abruptly, a divorce was in process. She married "the model."

 

Years later, reading my journals, I can see that "the model" was clearly getting in everybody's business all along and passing gossip around, but I have no idea why. So not sure what the motivation was with that male friend, but it left a trail of destruction which we are still sorting through 35 years later.

 

So something was going on with most of the male friends. Not sure if it was attraction that brought them to me or just working together and liking me and the attraction came later.

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