MaryRose Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) He asked me for advice when his gf said she liked someone else, they didn't speak for a couple of days and during those days she hooked up with the guy. I tried helping him without letting my feelings take over and now they're back together as if it didn't happen. So I stepped back. The other day I saw her with I think the same guy and he had his hands on her hips And her hands were around his neck. Should I tell him? I feel weird getting involved again since I have feelings for him. I don't want to get involved I guess I should say, but I feel bad for him. What should I do? (Btw he doesn't know I still like him, years ago we both liked eachother and almost dated but things got complicated and I wound up dating my ex for 3 years:/) Edited February 7, 2015 by MaryRose Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Take a big step back. I know it's not what you want to hear, but trying to maintain a friendship while hoping for him to suddenly "discover" that he has romantic feelings for you will only bring you pain & disappointment. Even IF they broke up permanently--then what? You end up as the rebound until he gets over her & is ready to find someone else or you find that he isn't interested at all. Ouch. I know you want to think that he has feelings for you & the only reason he hasn't acted on them is because he doesn't know how you feel about him, but that is very unlikely. If he did, he wouldn't be crying on your shoulder when he & his gf broke up. I urge you to spare yourself the heartache & limit your interaction with him--particularly in regard to emotional/relationship/personal issues. Let him & his gf work things out for themselves & get on with your life. IF they eventually break up & IF he wants to pursue a relationship with you, he will find you & let you know. I know it's not easy to give up a friendship or the hope of something more with someone you care about, but I can tell you that it will be less painful in the end than walking away & accepting that it's just not meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 If he doesn't know you like him he may not realize he has options. For now step back but the next time he asks you for advice, bow out. Point blank tell him, I don't feel like I am the best person to help you. I like you & I hate seeing her hurt you but it's kind of a conflict of interest because I have my own reasons for wanting you two to break up. For now, I'm going to step aside because you have a GF & I care about you enough to let you follow your heart, even if it leads to her. However, if that changes, you know where to find me. Then you go back to being his friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MaryRose Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Take a big step back. I know it's not what you want to hear, but trying to maintain a friendship while hoping for him to suddenly "discover" that he has romantic feelings for you will only bring you pain & disappointment. Even IF they broke up permanently--then what? You end up as the rebound until he gets over her & is ready to find someone else or you find that he isn't interested at all. Ouch. I know you want to think that he has feelings for you & the only reason he hasn't acted on them is because he doesn't know how you feel about him, but that is very unlikely. If he did, he wouldn't be crying on your shoulder when he & his gf broke up. I urge you to spare yourself the heartache & limit your interaction with him--particularly in regard to emotional/relationship/personal issues. Let him & his gf work things out for themselves & get on with your life. IF they eventually break up & IF he wants to pursue a relationship with you, he will find you & let you know. I know it's not easy to give up a friendship or the hope of something more with someone you care about, but I can tell you that it will be less painful in the end than walking away & accepting that it's just not meant to be. No offense but you didn't read what I wrote very well at all. I don't want to get in the way lol. I rather not tell him but the friend inside me doesn't want him to hurt again. (Has nothing to do with me liking him) I don't hope for anything more i just don't want him to be hurt. And my still caring for him makes me feel even worse for the guy. If you read the bottom you would see we almost dated 3 years ago. We both even told eachother we loved eachother, but stupidly I got scared and pushed him away and dated my ex. I think you took everything I said out of context like I want to break them up so I can have him, that was not what I meant at all. But thanks anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author MaryRose Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 If he doesn't know you like him he may not realize he has options. For now step back but the next time he asks you for advice, bow out. Point blank tell him, I don't feel like I am the best person to help you. I like you & I hate seeing her hurt you but it's kind of a conflict of interest because I have my own reasons for wanting you two to break up. For now, I'm going to step aside because you have a GF & I care about you enough to let you follow your heart, even if it leads to her. However, if that changes, you know where to find me. Then you go back to being his friend. You're right! That's exactly how I feel too. I don't want to be involved at all I just want them to figure it out on their own. I felt really uncomfortable helping him and I also thought it was strange he asked me for help(saying he's only asking me too, he didn't ask anyone else for help) when we cared about eachother years ago. Of course I tried to help him because he's still my friend, I basically helped hem get back together weirdly lol. Your answer made the most sense. Thanks for actually reading what I wrote too before making assumptions Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 (edited) He asked me for advice when his gf said she liked someone else, they didn't speak for a couple of days and during those days she hooked up with the guy. I tried helping him without letting my feelings take over and now they're back together as if it didn't happen. So I stepped back. The other day I saw her with I think the same guy and he had his hands on her hips And her hands were around his neck. Should I tell him? I feel weird getting involved again since I have feelings for him. I don't want to get involved I guess I should say, but I feel bad for him. What should I do? what you should have done was to whip out your cell camera and snap a picture of it and send it to him. Since you didn't, it's your word against hers. Stay out of it. Apparently, they've come to an agreement between the two of them... or he just doesn't want to know what she's doing. Either way now, it's after the fact. If he comes to you whining about her, that is when you can say something to him about what you saw. Edited February 8, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 (edited) No offense but you didn't read what I wrote very well at all. I don't want to get in the way lol. I rather not tell him but the friend inside me doesn't want him to hurt again. (Has nothing to do with me liking him) I don't hope for anything more i just don't want him to be hurt. And my still caring for him makes me feel even worse for the guy. If you read the bottom you would see we almost dated 3 years ago. We both even told eachother we loved eachother, but stupidly I got scared and pushed him away and dated my ex. I think you took everything I said out of context like I want to break them up so I can have him, that was not what I meant at all. But thanks anyway I was not at all referring to you getting in their way nor did I ever suggest that you had any intention of trying to break them up. On the contrary, I was suggesting that you spare yourself the angst of being too close to someone you have romantic feelings for who is involved with or pining for someone else. I've walked a mile or two in those shoes. I tried to maintain a friendship with an ex who I still had feelings for & as much as I wanted him to be happy, listening to the details was just too painful. I tried to be unbiased & unaffected, but I couldn't. I finally realized that I had to take a big step back & limit what I knew about his relationships and daily life. We still have occasional contact & have a great time when we do get together. We always have a million things to talk about--but I have no idea about what is going on in his "romantic life". My advice to you was intended for your benefit. It's entirely up to you whether or not you choose to take it. Edited February 8, 2015 by Survivor12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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