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Friend you haven't seen in ages cancels on you for someone else


mr_dave

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I'm travelling down to the South of England for a couple of days tomorrow to pick up something I've bought online.

My childhood friend, who I haven't seen in a year, asked if we could meet up, I thought it was a great idea, I'd drive to meet him for dinner if possible on my way back up North. (It's 300+ miles from where I live)

However, he has now texted to say that he probably won't be able to meet, as he might have to be in a different town two hours away from where he lives, for work.

Fair enough - I thought.

 

However, I have just seen on my facebook feed that in actual fact a girl (married) has invited him over to that town because a mutual friend (also married) is in England for a couple of days, and they wanted to meet up with him.

So basically I'm being lied to..

If he had said 'well actually this girl I really like wants to meet up', I wouldn't have minded at all.

 

He has asked for clarification of my plans, but I just feel like saying 'never mind, maybe another time.'

Should I feel a bit annoyed?

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Frank2thepoint

Partially it is annoying, but not completely. He is the one who reached out to you, that he wanted to see you. You obliged, because as you said, he was on the way back home from your trip. Him canceling did not affect your trip because meeting up with him was secondary to your primary objective of picking something up. Also, he did have the courtesy to inform you he can't make it. You should have told him why you wanted to meet-up, he then might have taken a rain check for his plans with his lady friend, but since you didn't specify, he didn't think your visit merit much priority.

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Partially it is annoying, but not completely. He is the one who reached out to you, that he wanted to see you. You obliged, because as you said, he was on the way back home from your trip. Him canceling did not affect your trip because meeting up with him was secondary to your primary objective of picking something up. Also, he did have the courtesy to inform you he can't make it. You should have told him why you wanted to meet-up, he then might have taken a rain check for his plans with his lady friend, but since you didn't specify, he didn't think your visit merit much priority.

 

Thanks for your reply! :)

 

Well I'm a bit bummed because I thought it would be nice to see him - it's been a long time. We were best friends from the age of four, but then he had to move with his parents 300 miles away.

 

If he had pre-existing plans that would have been fine, but we had firmly agreed to meet up. Now he has cancelled on me for a later offer, and lied about it..it's the dishonesty as much as the rejection..

I'll just let it slide, and let him make the first move next time..

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He has asked for clarification of my plans, but I just feel like saying 'never mind, maybe another time.'

Should I feel a bit annoyed?

 

Yup just say that. He could have seen that girl another time and he chose to visit her instead of getting together with you (and it's been a year). Just tell him that was the only time you had available and it's a shame that he had to cancel. leave it at that.

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Frank2thepoint
let him make the first move next time..

 

Didn't he make the first move before? That's what I got from your initial post. Regardless, I know you are annoyed and hurt, but you can of course swallow your pride for a little bit, reach out to him, and plan something for the near future. Make sure to tell him you guys haven't seen each other in a long time. There will be added emphasis if you guys plan something to do, like catch a comedy show together, go to a sports bar, or even go drive bumper cars.

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Didn't he make the first move before? That's what I got from your initial post. Regardless, I know you are annoyed and hurt, but you can of course swallow your pride for a little bit, reach out to him, and plan something for the near future. Make sure to tell him you guys haven't seen each other in a long time. There will be added emphasis if you guys plan something to do, like catch a comedy show together, go to a sports bar, or even go drive bumper cars.

 

Thanks for your post Frank.

 

Yeah, he did suggest it initially to be fair. He is rather flaky and unreliable to be honest, making grand plans without them coming to fruition, and cancelling things at the last moment.

 

Last time I stayed with him for a weekend (it was planned long in advance) we spent Saturday watching a football game, but then early on the Sunday morning he left me alone whilst he went to do some stuff with his parents, signing documents. He didn't show up before I had left to get my train, at 8 in the evening.

 

I know people have lives and things to be doing, but if I were to invite him to stay with me I wouldn't take off on my own for a day, it seems quite poor form.

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