Best guy friend gets jealous, but doesnt want a relationship

[Lou1994]

So here it goes, due to being at uni i currently live with my best guy friend, we met when we got placed in the same flat in the first year and have been living together for nearly 2 years now.

 

We really clicked as friends and it wasn't until a few months ago that I started to feel something more and I thought by the way he was acting that he felt the same way about me. He'd begun to flirt with me and on a number of occasions we nearly kissed.

During this time another girl in our group of friends told him she liked him, but she wasn't available. He openly talked to me about this girl and that what she was doing wasn't right because he thought her boyfriend was a really cool guy.

 

Anyway, I really liked the way he handled the whole situation with the other girl so I decided to tell him how I felt, with being how close we are as friend I didn't want to ruin anything, but I plucked up the courage and told him and he just stared at me and all he managed to say was 'oh'. Being upset that night from the haunting 'oh' I got really drunk and one of his friends in an attempt to 'comfort' me took advantage of the situation and kissed me (it went a little further than that) but I stopped it before it went too far (My best friend doesn't know about this btw).

So a few days go by and I don't see him at all, then we broke up for christmas and as I get on the train home I receive a text saying 'sorry your my best friend and I really don't want this to be awkward'.

 

After around a month of not seeing each other I get back to uni and where back to our laughing joking friendship until a few days into it I open my bedroom door and he appears outside it saying 'who you talking to' he barges past me into my room saying 'I heard a guys voice, who was it'. There was no one in my room but he's convinced himself that i'm seeing someone and a few hours later I laugh at a text and the same questions pop up 'who is it?' 'let me see' made me feel so uncomfortable that I left the kitchen to text who I was texting.

 

Anyways, I go on our regular night out with our friends and he's buying me drinks, touching my leg, hugging me, holding my hands (so primary school), the girl who admitted that she liked him is hugging and kissing him, cutting me and him off when we are dancing and he pulled me to one side and said 'tell me what to do? she wont leave me alone'. Later on that night I start talking to some of my course mates and they keep picking me up and he grabbed me and pulled me away.

 

I don't know maybe its just me but he seems really jealous if theres even a possibility that i'm talking to another guy.

I love him the pieces but I just don't understand his behaviour at the moment, what should I do?, why is he behaving like this? has he decided that he thinks of me as more than a friend after all that?

[whichwayisup]

Ask him. Be honest and tell him that you still like him and thought he wasn't into that way, yet his jealously and behaviour shows you otherwise and you're confused.

[kendahke]

So here it goes, due to being at uni i currently live with my best guy friend, we met when we got placed in the same flat in the first year and have been living together for nearly 2 years now.

 

We really clicked as friends and it wasn't until a few months ago that I started to feel something more and I thought by the way he was acting that he felt the same way about me. He'd begun to flirt with me and on a number of occasions we nearly kissed.

During this time another girl in our group of friends told him she liked him, but she wasn't available. He openly talked to me about this girl and that what she was doing wasn't right because he thought her boyfriend was a really cool guy.

 

Anyway, I really liked the way he handled the whole situation with the other girl so I decided to tell him how I felt, with being how close we are as friend I didn't want to ruin anything, but I plucked up the courage and told him and he just stared at me and all he managed to say was 'oh'. Being upset that night from the haunting 'oh' I got really drunk and one of his friends in an attempt to 'comfort' me took advantage of the situation and kissed me (it went a little further than that) but I stopped it before it went too far (My best friend doesn't know about this btw).

So a few days go by and I don't see him at all, then we broke up for christmas and as I get on the train home I receive a text saying 'sorry your my best friend and I really don't want this to be awkward'.

 

After around a month of not seeing each other I get back to uni and where back to our laughing joking friendship until a few days into it I open my bedroom door and he appears outside it saying 'who you talking to' he barges past me into my room saying 'I heard a guys voice, who was it'. There was no one in my room but he's convinced himself that i'm seeing someone and a few hours later I laugh at a text and the same questions pop up 'who is it?' 'let me see' made me feel so uncomfortable that I left the kitchen to text who I was texting.

 

Anyways, I go on our regular night out with our friends and he's buying me drinks, touching my leg, hugging me, holding my hands (so primary school), the girl who admitted that she liked him is hugging and kissing him, cutting me and him off when we are dancing and he pulled me to one side and said 'tell me what to do? she wont leave me alone'. Later on that night I start talking to some of my course mates and they keep picking me up and he grabbed me and pulled me away.

 

I don't know maybe its just me but he seems really jealous if theres even a possibility that i'm talking to another guy.

I love him the pieces but I just don't understand his behaviour at the moment, what should I do?, why is he behaving like this? has he decided that he thinks of me as more than a friend after all that?

 

You need to straighten him out. If he doesn't want to make things awkward, then he needs to back up off you. Remind him that it was HIS choice that you two remain friends. That means you can talk to and see whoever you want to and he has nothing to say about it. Don't allow him to play the role and not take on the responsibility of the role.

[aaronli]

because you two have been so close to each other more than 2 years, so he's fault himself as the only guy who can be the closest to you. Maybe even himself does not realize it and before you confessing to him, he considers you as a friend, maybe he's complicated when hearing that.

He maybe couldnt tell you that he loves you or not and either do i. Both of you need time to understand it clearly.

[preraph]

I think he may have warmed up to the idea of you two. There may also be a component of him wanting to keep that friend of his from taking advantage of you, though, because guys know what snakes their friends can be with women, so part of it may be trying to be sure that guy doesn't use and abuse you. But him holding hands and touching sounds to me like he's coming around. Tell him he needs to just say no to that girl. Alternatively, he could sic one of his male friends on her.