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I'm lost about dealing with my friendship


pygora1994

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My ex and I are Friends. To get this out of the way; 1 we are gay, 2 we are both over each other, 3 We have no desire to date each other again.

 

Recently my ex and I became friends after not talking for months. what happened was my fault and I accept responsibility for my actions, and don't blame him for being angry with me. I had tried to apologize, but he didn't accept my apology. We have only started talking since the end of November. It was his idea to be friends again

 

We met up for coffee last sunday and things seemed to go well. we talked for a couple of hours catching up on things. neither one of us brought up our past, and he seemed warm and friendly. we talked talked about hanging out down the road, and he seemed fine with being decent friends.

 

After Sunday I haven't heard anything back from him. I sent him a text telling him it was nice seeing him again, and I also asked if he wanted to hang out next week a couple of days later. Still no word.

 

I honestly have no idea what is going on right now. he's never indicated that he was mad at me and the silence is really annoying. after seeing him I was under the impression our friendship was mostly repaired, but now I don't know.

 

I don't want to pester him, or say the wrong thing to him and wind back up at square one again.

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I've had an ex-friend contact me, seemingly wanting to be friends again, but it turned out that they just wanted some weird form of closure, and to talk one last time. I thought like you did, that we were in the process of repairing a friendship in order to move forward. I never heard from that friend again, though.

 

That may or may not be happening with your friend. But you left the ball in his court by inviting him out. Now you just have to forget about it. Maybe a friendship will happen, maybe it won't. Try not to care about it so much.

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He texted me about it. He thought it sound like a date, which is not how I meant for it to come accross. Since then we only texted about tattoos and nothing concrete. he still seems to run hot and cold. sometimes he'll return texts almost immediately, but when I try and schedule something he avoids returning messages. I don't know why.

 

When we met he seemed to be over the past, and genuinely interested in being friends. his texts don't reveal alot of under current and he seems friendly enough when we do text back and forth.

 

His behavior is kind of confusing because he wasn't like this before, and I know he isn't like this to some of his other friends. I don't know if its because the trust isn't there yet, or what.

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maybe his phone was cut off? He lost it? He left it at home that day?

 

Give it a little time. You may still be in the "wait for him to make the entree" mode. Let him come around. If you push, you may push him away.

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I got a read receipt, but never got a reply. I feel like two days is a long time to go with out responding at all. He's been doing this kind of thing since we started to talk again, and I feel like we should have moved past this part by now. I don't know if I should confront him about it or just let him work it out.

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but when I try and schedule something he avoids returning messages. I don't know why.

 

Stop asking to get together. It's too soon to spend so much time together. There are friends I see once every three to four months just because life gets busy between work, kids, family obligations, illnesses,etc..etc.. be buddy's with him but you don't have to BE in his daily life.

 

I think defining what the friendship is, is the problem. He *may* think you still like him. He may not want to hang out too often, or have a lot of contact.

 

Just let him have space and allow him to contact you next. But don't ask to get together, let him ask.

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I got a read receipt, but never got a reply. I feel like two days is a long time to go with out responding at all. He's been doing this kind of thing since we started to talk again, and I feel like we should have moved past this part by now. I don't know if I should confront him about it or just let him work it out.

 

I think you're expecting way too much and he feels pressured by you. He may not want to talk daily or even weekly.

 

Don't say anything, just let things happen naturally. Get busy with other friends in the meantime.

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Trying to repair anything broken is dicey, at best. If I were you, I'd stop texting him. Let him come to you. It sounds like he's playing a cat and mouse game with you. It's also possible that he's not really over you, or perhaps he's not over what happened.

 

I once dated a guy for a little over a year. We were very close, had a great connection and all that but I was going through a divorce at the time and was very distracted. Long story short, he decided that I didn't love him the way he loved me and we broke up. Actually, we discussed it, I tried to convince him otherwise and we stayed together. But he pouted for a couple of weeks and I broke up with him. A few months later, we tried getting back together but nothing was the same again between us. He was angry about the whole thing and very unforgiving. He never acted angry, he was just distant and cold. Later I realized that he had become a very different person. He once told me that if someone did something bad to them, he would do it back to them 3 times worse. After I thought about it, I figured that was what he was doing.

 

Your ex has not come back around, for whatever reason, and is probably harboring a lot of resentment. He might be trying to retaliate against you. Or it may be that once he saw you again, it had a huge effect on him. You would be better off just taking this very slow, and be cautious.

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I guess I can understand it if he doesn't want to hang out often or even chat often. I do want to be the best friend possible to him, and if that means he needs some space, it's the least I can do for him

 

 

I don't think he is vindictive. it's not not something that I am getting any hint of. I feel like he's more or less unsure about everything than angry. I am over him, but he might not be convinced that I am, even though I told him that I had a boyfriend.

 

I do feel like it is kind of awkward since I asked him if he wanted to hang out this week. Should I say anything about it being okay if he doesn't want to hang out all the time or just let it go?

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