Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Hi all, Well this issue of mine has been going on for the past 18 months. I've been told that i have a lot of patience to have put up with it all. Anyhow i live in England and i have a good friend who lives in America. We met online nearly 4 years ago but he has been having issues for the past nearly 2 years. The problems started when he had a fall out with his family and he moved states (PENNSYLVANIA to ARIZONA) to move in with a 'friend' there as his friend had found him a job down there. So he moved down to there and everything went well for the first 3 months then i was having a private conversation with him online when he tells me hes out of food and doesn't get paid his next wage until 3 days later. I asked him "cant Jon (his friend) let you have some of his that he bought?" his reply was "yes he has food, bu i wont touch it, hes strange like that" My first initial thought was "okay... fair enough" So i told him i cant see him without any food for the next few days its sad to hear that its like that for you, I offered to put $10 (about £6 ) in his Paypal he refused at first but i said "here take it" and i will not take no for an answer. He couldn't thank me enough and when he bought some food in he took a photograph of the receipt and sent it to me on whatsapp to show me what he had bought:). Two weeks later at 7am on a Tuesday morning get 2 messages on whatsapp "Hey" "Can you call me?" So i thought yeah okay as i had a lot of credit on my phone so he answered his phone and i was all "hey hows it going?" his reply was "its not good nic" "Why whats up?" "My friend has walked out on me with his girlfriend" I assumed that they has just had a row and said he will be back i'm sure but then he said no hes gone forever. First thing i thought was "Oh dear" as i knew that his job was only part time 2 days per week and that was not enough money to live off and pay rent, bills etc:(. So me being nice and caring i gave him £15 via western union so he could get some food for himself. Two days later i get a whatsapp from him saying that he is going to hand in the keys to the landlord as he has decided he wants to move back to Pennsylvania to live with a friend. I said "Okay that's your choice do what you gotta do" He then msgs me saying he has got so much saved up for the flight back but is missing so much and would it be possible if i could put some money towards the flight if i could? I originally said no at first as it was three weeks away till i was going on holiday and he said yeah he understands. But then i felt sorry and changed my mind and i gave him £50 to put towards it. :eek: So the day he gets to the airport and flys back to pennsylvania he goes and stays with Justin a friend of his for two weeks he lands himself another job then BOOM! he and justin have an argument and kicks him out and hes living rough in the woods. For all the things i did for him in the meantime he says i am a "true blessing" in his life and if it wasn't for me he doesn't know where he would be.He puts xoxo on some of his messages and starts calling me "goregous" etc. Three weeks later i am then on holiday, i spoke to him just before i was due to set off in the taxi to the train station and he said "have fun i want you to have fun on this holiday" (We did have a communication mishap and a disagreement the night before but we both apologised and let it go). i get a msg when i on holiday saying when am i due home so i told him when and he says he had some news for me. The day after i got home the news was "I'm moving to the UK", first thing i thought was "WTF?!...OMG" I asked why and when he said he is going to stay up with a friend in the north east and his flight is booked for the 4th September 2013 . Everything was going along smoothly and then a couple of weeks before he was due to fly out, he didnt have enough for the hand luggage check in fee for British Airways so i gave him a few quid towards that because i cared and have a heart.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 We spoke on the phone when he was at the airport and we were both anxious (i would have met him at the other side but i had no way of getting time off work that day ) he told me he was changing at London Heathrow and then onto the North East . Nine hours later i get a whatsapp "I'm in big trouble" i thought what you cant be your already here" "They stopped me at he airport, London Heathrow and i don't know what they are going to do to me" then the msgs stopped all i could think was OMG. 10-11hrs later at 04:30am GMT more msgs come through, i just landed back in the US he before i could even reply back the phone rang and his voice was trembling i asked " whats happened? where are you". He told me he had been deported back to the US for reasons i do not wish to disclose and he aint got enough to catch the train back to the next state. So at 5am i found the nearest petrol station that was open in my area and paid in £25 via western union and i literally just broke down in tears. It felt like i was cracking up. By this time he started to call me sweetie and sweetheart etc. Once again says i am a blessing in his life. Two weeks went by and he manages to track a family member down and goes to stay with them. He manages to secure himself a job but then starts to act all different with me and off handed etc. I was under a lot of pressure and had some personal issues of my own to deal with at the time. But we ended up having one great fall out and to cut a long story short it was a very messy fall out. We did not speak for 8 months. The 8 months went past and we started talking again and took everything very slowly. But then another side of the friendship started to develop there would be times where he would msg me out of blue "can you call me" and then he started briefly dating this girl who when he described bits and pieces to me i knew straight away she was using him and i told him it too but then i thought "let him make his own mistakes" 6 weeks later they had broken up. At the time he was seeing her we would arrange to talk on phone and he would "forget to call me" and then i started to fell pushed out (even though he did apologize for it) but i silently decided to pack my bags and walk away. However after he apologized to me he came "running back to me" and i have noticed he always does this.He moved states in October of last year and who was he person he came to for support ...yes me even though i am 4.5k miles away in a different country. He then started to call me sexy and darling and gorgeous again and i asked out of interest "if we lived closer do u think we would be together?" he said yea hes thought about it a few times himself. He has even said if he was over here or i was over there he might not want to let me go home and "knock me up" but when i ask him what his true feelings are for me he never fully reveals them. He has also said i am one of his best friends too. But then there will be days where he will ignore my messages but read them. It got to the point where im thinking should i walk away for good? Link to post Share on other sites
Mandy26 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I would walk away now. He seems to use you for money, and in reality you must have lots of friends closer in proximity to you. Next time I would tell him you have no money and see what happens. But I would actually cut him out and move on, it just seems to have such a negative vibe. And really do you need that in your life. I would not even think twice about not having a friendship with him. Really a friendship should benefit both parties in a positive way. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Thank you Mandy26 im going to say i have no money to test how long he sticks around for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 To try to give you some objectivity here because I know that's the hard part when you're emotionally involved, first of all, it's not really a good idea to loan friends, even those you see all the time, money. It eventually causes resentment one way or the other, everything from avoiding you because they can't pay you back to getting defensive and feeling you think you're better than them, etc. So don't do that anyway. Second, it's a cardinal rule to NEVER send money to someone you met on the internet because there are whole countries (coughNigeriacough) whose sole income seems to be based on pretending to be lovers in a jam. Basically,even the government has come out with a warning telling people if someone is asking you to send them money Western Union, don't do it, because it's not traceable. So please end the carnage right now. The worst-case scenario is this is all he's after. His excuses for never materializing are classic internet ploys of con artists after money, one misfortune after another, and always trying to get there and always something happens. The best-case scenario is you are enabling a person who needs to learn to fend for himself and is irresponsible for not doing so. Stop. Keep up communication IF you want to (god forbid he is real and tries to come live with you though and mooch off you the rest of his days). But only do so if you are strong enough to say no to him staying more than a day or two and to not provide for him if he does come. If he's real, he shouldn't come see you until he can repay you all these niceties. So if he ever does show up and is real, you let him pay for literally EVERYTHING!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 We spoke on the phone when he was at the airport and we were both anxious (i would have met him at the other side but i had no way of getting time off work that day ) he told me he was changing at London Heathrow and then onto the North East . Nine hours later i get a whatsapp "I'm in big trouble" i thought what you cant be your already here" "They stopped me at he airport, London Heathrow and i don't know what they are going to do to me" then the msgs stopped all i could think was OMG. 10-11hrs later at 04:30am GMT more msgs come through, i just landed back in the US he before i could even reply back the phone rang and his voice was trembling i asked " whats happened? where are you". He told me he had been deported back to the US for reasons i do not wish to disclose and he aint got enough to catch the train back to the next state. So at 5am i found the nearest petrol station that was open in my area and paid in £25 via western union and i literally just broke down in tears. It felt like i was cracking up. By this time he started to call me sweetie and sweetheart etc. Once again says i am a blessing in his life. Two weeks went by and he manages to track a family member down and goes to stay with them. He manages to secure himself a job but then starts to act all different with me and off handed etc. I was under a lot of pressure and had some personal issues of my own to deal with at the time. But we ended up having one great fall out and to cut a long story short it was a very messy fall out. We did not speak for 8 months. The 8 months went past and we started talking again and took everything very slowly. But then another side of the friendship started to develop there would be times where he would msg me out of blue "can you call me" and then he started briefly dating this girl who when he described bits and pieces to me i knew straight away she was using him and i told him it too but then i thought "let him make his own mistakes" 6 weeks later they had broken up. At the time he was seeing her we would arrange to talk on phone and he would "forget to call me" and then i started to fell pushed out (even though he did apologize for it) but i silently decided to pack my bags and walk away. However after he apologized to me he came "running back to me" and i have noticed he always does this.He moved states in October of last year and who was he person he came to for support ...yes me even though i am 4.5k miles away in a different country. He then started to call me sexy and darling and gorgeous again and i asked out of interest "if we lived closer do u think we would be together?" he said yea hes thought about it a few times himself. He has even said if he was over here or i was over there he might not want to let me go home and "knock me up" but when i ask him what his true feelings are for me he never fully reveals them. He has also said i am one of his best friends too. But then there will be days where he will ignore my messages but read them. It got to the point where im thinking should i walk away for good? Honestly, that sounds like a catfish--the Nigerian romance scamming variety of catfish. This is what they do. Create crisis to get money out of you. I'm surprised he didn't tell you he was arrested for tax fraud or something. Have you ever skyped with him and seen his voice come out of his mouth? Block him and leave him alone. He's bleeding money out of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yes he is real ive spoken to him many of times over the phone / skype and seen his face and body. Just giving you guys the heads up here on that one! Just a little update on the situation i have informed him that if he needs financial help in the future... its a no can do... im awaiting response. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 Just to keep u guys updated .... i got a response back and the response was " No worries love ty though ill have to try my best to make due" Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I would consider him only a friend, would never give him money again, and would just talk to him when he reaches out. You definitely don't want a relationship with a guy who can't hold a job, a home, or a hometown, has recurring money issues, and has arguments with all his friends. Sounds like a list of what you DON'T want in a relationship, actually. Never just use feelings to choose who to date. You have to pay attention to who a person is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 Now that i have a response thats exactly what i am doing i am going to wait to see how long it takes for him to notice i aint been making contact and get back to me. Ill be keeping note. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Now that i have a response thats exactly what i am doing i am going to wait to see how long it takes for him to notice i aint been making contact and get back to me. Ill be keeping note. Don't bother tracking when he reaches out. It doesn't matter... he isn't the kind of person you want a relationship with anyway. Move on. Chat with him if he wishes to chat. Put no emotional energy into him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I have stuck to my guns and not given him anything but now im starting to question myself with something else now. I have only spoken to him when he had reached out so ive stuck to my guns that way. BUT ive tested him and reached out to him on a couple of occasions too once he has contacted back but then on the second occasion where i was really angry and upset about something he just read the whatsapp msgs and left it at that i was like 2 thanks alot you heartless bastard" to myself and i thought " dont ever come running to me again" literally it made me mad! Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Wow, girl, you really gotta stop it with this guy. Do you realize how naive you come across here? He's all sorts of bad news. He can't hold down a job, can't stay in one place for more than a couple weeks, keeps getting kicked out of apartments, and he says he got DEPORTED at an airport? (P.S. That story was bullsh*t, and there's a not a chance he's set foot at Heathrow. If he can't afford to feed himself, trust me, he can't afford transatlantic travel.) Yet you kept sending him money over the Internet? That he makes no attempts to pay you back for? When you've never even met him? And you let him tell you about dating other girls, when he's calling you pet names and vowing to "knock you up"? I dunno. It saddens me that your standards for relationships are so low that you let this manipulative guy be a part of your life and you even seem to have developed feelings for him. There's better out there in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachypoppet_1986 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Yeah i do come across as being naive but ive gradually learnt not to be due to this i am trying my best to walk away cos i know if i dont do it now i never will. I once did it b4 and he came crawling back and i being soft, softened towards him again. Im proud of myself ive stuck to my guns and i have told him hes a mug when it comes to girls and dont come crying when your next floozy on side goes astray. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 You had the right idea when you cut him out of your life and stopped communicating with him for eight months. Do it again. Do it forever. It will be one of the best decisions you've made in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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