Intrepidcaribou Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'm 28 and just moved to a small city with 27000 people. The closest larger city is over 500 miles away and in another country. I have a good job as a civil servant but most everyone I know is dating or married. I am single and don't ever want to be in a relationship. How should I go about making new friends. It's a bit tricky always being the third wheel when I hang out with couples. How do I meet other single people? I have a lot of hobbies but they're all solitary. I paint, hike, cycle, play the banjo and ukulele but I'm terrible at sports. I hang out with other recently arrived people at my work but would like to have a broader social circle. My town doesn't have any Meetups. I'm not religious and I'm living in one of the most statistically irreligious places in the country. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Check the local paper as well as Google for meetups and events in your town. Go to a lot of stuff. Talk to people who aren't coupled up and just mention you hope you'll find someone who enjoys hiking or cycling to go with. You should also watch your local paper and internet for volunteer opportunities. See if there's a local band that would like a banjo or ukulele to sit in sometime just for fun. Not ever wanting to be in a relationship certainly puts you off alone from the herd. I've never met anyone who didn't want to be in a relationship. So that may be the thing that holds you back or makes people back off from you. But there's plenty of people out there who do want to be in a relationship but will be unsuccessful at finding someone and those may be the people you need to try to befriend. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 are there any agencies in your area that could use some volunteers? Something like a Habitat for Humanity kind of thing? Do the bars have open mike nights where you can sit in with other musicians? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 How do I make new friends in a small town? Ha, you live in a pretty big town, comparatively. Where I live got its first stoplight the year I moved here and there were about 3500 people; now, nearly 30 years later, there's maybe 13,000 or so and five stoplights. How did I make new friends? I joined the chamber of commerce and fabricated a stage cover for the local park in my shop as a volunteer. The mayor and I poured concrete together. Typical small town stuff. Met the businesspeople and got to know the local shopkeepers and they me and it went from there. I'll be moving soon to get back to those small town dynamics and have already started doing the same thing, meeting local businesspeople and landlords during my trips and starting to get my name out there. Typical socializing stuff. I'm no social butterfly but a small segment of people seem to like my style and those are the ones I attract as friends and I'm fine with that, not needing a large circle of friends. IMO, to make friends, go with your strengths, whether that be communication (being outgoing) or your skills and hobbies or simply being out there and being open to interaction. In your case, since you like hiking and cycling, it's easy to hook up with other outdoors folks and do social activities. I was an avid endurance cyclist in my 20's and 30's and did a lot of socializing through the cycling club and also on my own, running into hikers when I'd bicycle camp off-road. A few of those folks became friends. Typical life stuff. Lastly, IMO endeavor to see friendships as valued moments in time rather than a life preserver. They add wonderful value to life but are autonomous beings capable of change at any moment. By developing a casual social circle, various friendships may ebb and flow but there are always other associations and friends to meet and value. Lots of eggs to put in the friendship basket. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intrepidcaribou Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 are there any agencies in your area that could use some volunteers? Something like a Habitat for Humanity kind of thing? Do the bars have open mike nights where you can sit in with other musicians? I find that when I go to events and volunteer, most of the people are much older or much younger. Now, I have had older friends. They're awesome. But I'd like to try making friends closer to my age. Younger than me they're usually students - they sleep late, they have marginal jobs and where I live they're often transient. On the other side, I went to a ukulele workshop and everyone there was over 50. I had fun but it would have been nice to play music I liked as well. But, as I said, most people my age are settling down and having families. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Kinda know how you feel I stay in West Michigan it has about 300K people but still sucks. All I can say is networking and social media can work wonders at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
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