sooshi Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I was friends with someone for a few years. Recently, he's been going through a really hard time. In the middle of a conversation, he suddenly told me he didn't want to talk to me again. That I'm a stressor in his life. He said it wasn't my fault. That he believes my intentions are good and that he's sure I mean well. But he is not at peace with our friendship. He doesn't know why. *I* don't know why. The next day, he apologizes. Says a few encouraging words. But also says he doesn't want to have a friendship with me, and that it'd be best to not contact him anymore. I don't know what happened. I am having difficulty coping. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 If you're female, he probably has a crush on you and can't get past it while still trying to be friends with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 No crush on me. I occasionally have some feelings for him, and he knew that. But I wanted a friendship much more than any romantic potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Ugh, sorry this happened. Sometimes things like this don't make sense. I think I'd just try my best to heal, and probably go no contact in order to do so. ((hug)) Maybe in time, he will let you know why...but, in the meantime, I'd work on trying to heal from this, because we can't do anything to change others. Link to post Share on other sites
Bellaisa Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I've been your friend. When I 'broke up' with my best friend, it was because she had become a negative aspect of my life. She didn't realize how much she brought me down, but she did. The truth is that he was honest with you. For whatever reason you are a stressor in his life, whether he had feelings for you and he couldn't handle that or for something else. Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. If he doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, then that's his choice. The only thing you can do is take what you learned and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) No crush on me. I occasionally have some feelings for him, and he knew that. But I wanted a friendship much more than any romantic potential. Chances are he has a gf and she may not like you hanging with him. Or he doesn't feel comfortable having a woman friend while he has a gf. Either way, you have feelings for him and maybe he feels weird about it, thinks you're investing too much into him for it being 'just' friends. Maybe he feels suffocated by what you feel for him. Sorry, I'm sure you're hurting. To lose a friend sucks, but in my experience, if someone wants to end a friendship, let them go. Hanging on after he has told you he isn't interested in friendship with you anymore just will make you hurt more and feel bad. The truth is that he was honest with you. For whatever reason you are a stressor in his life, whether he had feelings for you and he couldn't handle that or for something else. He's an okay guy. He was honest and that's a good thing, even though it hurt to hear. Wouldn't you rather have that honesty and truth of what he feels rather than him being a jerk, ignoring you or treating you poorly until you tell him to f-off. Edited January 16, 2015 by whichwayisup Link to post Share on other sites
girl-in-boots Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I've been your friend. When I 'broke up' with my best friend, it was because she had become a negative aspect of my life. She didn't realize how much she brought me down, but she did. The truth is that he was honest with you. For whatever reason you are a stressor in his life, whether he had feelings for you and he couldn't handle that or for something else. Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. If he doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, then that's his choice. The only thing you can do is take what you learned and move on. I've been your friend too. Sometimes in life you have to find the courage to let go of people who bring you down. For me it was people who always found something negative to say about me, my life, my plans. It had nothing to do with anything else except the fact that I had gotten tired of always defending myself and always having to work hard to cheer myself up after they had left. Sorry it has happened but you can't really make someone be friends with you if they don't want too. Link to post Share on other sites
La Trese Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Well at least he told you. I have had friends passive aggressive all of a sudden and never tell me what I even did and that hurt even more. To be honest, it could just be something about you that doesn't work well with his depression. I have friends that I have cut out for partying too much at a time when I needed to surround myself with studious people to raise my grades. So yeah it can have nothing to do with you thats bad and more to do with them. Also, yes I understand its really hurtful when they never even attempt to talk to you about what you are doing wrong, and then all of a sudden cut you out. That's happened to me before and its the worst....and its even worse when you try and ask and they won't tell you why. But in that case, I just try to shrug it off because then usually that means they don't care and whatever their reason is, you should be cutting them out anyways yourself for them not caring and its mutual at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Once someone knows you're crushing on them and wanting more, it's just too uncomfortable usually to maintain a real friendship. And it can really mess with their love lives because it's easy to pick up on by any future girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 What I really wanted was a friendship, not romance. I wanted a platonic friendship. Feelings are feelings, and don't have to be acted on. They were also very mild, and was probably more residual (had stronger feelings for him in the past). We don't even live in the same country. There's no reason for any future partner of his to be concerned about me. Maybe he just didn't see me as friendship material. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Why are you a stressor for him? Did he say? I would've said good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) He didn't say. When I asked in our last conversation what it was that he wasn't at peace with in our relationship, he said he didn't know. Edited January 23, 2015 by sooshi Link to post Share on other sites
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