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How to get over feeling jaded about friendships


La Trese

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I feel like in the past, i've been let down so many times by friends. Whether the issue is me picking the wrong ones, me allowing people to get too close, me not setting healthy boundaries, me not being assertive enough, or whatever the issue is, i've been let down by most people i've gotten close to. I have a couple of people that are real and truly care but thats it (people keep telling me I should be appreciative of that...its hard to find one amazing friend and I can name at least 3). But yeah how do you get over this feeling of being let down by most friends and not wanting to make anymore? I feel like with 60% of the friends being an energy drain lately i've been withdrawing from everyone because I feel like its not worth the effort anymore to make friends with that kind of rate of being hurt. They say be a good friend and you will make a good friend but I know I am a good friend. I've had multiple people that ended up hurting me come back years later and say, man you were such a good friend I wish I kept in contact with you. Current friends tell me so much about how I am loyal to a T. After all i've went through with friendship, I just lost all enthusiasm for making friends and now i'd much rather be alone than go through the hassle. Its literally to the point where I will meet someone and think "oh Sam seems nice... (and then another thought will pop into my head) but i thought meg was nice too and look what a bitch she ended up being" and then i'll lose any enthusiasm I had for being Sam's friend.

Edited by La Trese
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Loyalty is an important trait in friendships, but it's a dangerous one if you are "blindly loyal." Loyalty alone isn't enough. You have to also have boundaries and not be overly tolerant and accept unacceptable behavior, which will only make you end up with the bad friends doing unacceptable behavior.

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Frank2thepoint

I understand your frustration. I too have a similar issue where some friends just take my for granted. What I learned to do is just set boundaries and fervidly stick to them. This does not prevent you from making new friends, or discarding the old ones. It just means you shouldn't go above and beyond as you have before. A friendship is just like any relationship, you have to give and also take.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I can absolutely relate to this. Ive had to cut out quite a few friends, some whose effort was really crap, others who were trying to take advantage and others who would literally bombard my phone hourly with IM messages...but any effort to hangout was not reciprocated.

 

Just yesterday, I told one girl to stop messaging me all day, everyday on WhatsApp, after she went on to divulge how she travelled the country to meet some guy on a whim (surprise surprise, the guy has now done the fade on her). Meanwhile, my suggestion for us to hang out over the past EIGHT months have come to nothing.

 

Cutting these "friends" out made my life a lot more peaceful, I must say, as I was no longer harbouring resentment or getting irritated by their using tendencies.

 

Ive gone on to make new friends, but I do keep it casual and don't get too close. The phrase "familiarity breeds contempt" springs to mind. I wish it wasn't like that, that I didn't have to limit my interaction with people, but I just take it as part of growing older and a change I have to make to avoid the drama of crap friends.

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