Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) I had a coworker who was 6 years younger than me (which made him 19 years old at the time). He was fired last year and after 1 year of not seeing him, he approached me one day after work and tried to get me to check out some of the "music" he was working on. We were on neutral-to-friendly terms when we worked together, but now he was really pushing to become my friend. I kind of acquiesced. I wasn't sure if it would work out due to the age difference, but I wanted to be nice so I hung out with him that day. Suddenly he became almost like my best friend. He kept texting me and asking me if I wanted to hang out with him and his gf. At the same time he kept complimenting me on my "coolness", which should have not have been genuine. I'm the farthest thing from cool and it's not hard to see, but it felt really warm and genuine when he said it. Then he complimented me on my hair and really, really complimented me hard on my performance at a comedy show (my first time doing improv in front of an audience of people around my age). He took me to a few comedy shows (he bought the tickets) and we made it regular thing to see a show at least twice a week. Afterwards we would hang out on the town until 1 or 2 AM. What seemed weird became all the weirder when I said I found a girl we ran into at a bar attractive. He seemed to be totally shocked that I wasn't gay. I pretended to be flattered and not to care and made it clear that I wasn't gay or even bi. He seemed to believe me, so I didn't bring it up again, but then the accusations of me being gay appeared two more times when we hung out. I pretended to take it as a joke, laughing it off. BUT THEN, he jokingly accused me of being a serial killer and said "please don't kill me!", that sort of creeped me out. I felt threatened. We continued to hang out on the town together a few times a week and then he went on a bike trip across the US and Canada on his own. He would text me and call me a lot when he was away. He would always complain about homeless pedophiles (older guys) who he thought were trying to rape him. Or older guys checking him out at the youth hostel where he was staying. That's when I realized he might be trying to imply that he thinks I, being a bit older than him, was in this category of guys. He was supposed to get back from his trip in July but he got back earlier and surprised me by coming to my job, which really didn't sit well with me. Here is where it gets really F'D up: We went to a small music room that had a piano. Here we discussed music and I watched him grow more and more tense. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, he accused me of being gay AGAIN! This time I told him more assertively that I am NOT GAY and to please top bringing it up. That's when he started to tell me that he thinks I have a real talent for lying, and brought up a bunch of things I said in the past that he thought were contradictory. Then he said this: "you know, I have a theory about you..." to which I replied: "okay... I'm dying to hear it" and he said: "I think you used to be gay, but you didn't like the idea of being ****** in the ***", I just went pale with rage, not because I'm homophobic, but because he thought he could get away with saying that to my face... but I remembered that he's a wrestler and I'm not, and weights almost twice as much as I do, and there were no cameras anywhere in sight, so I tried to diffuse the situation by saying I wasn't gay repeatedly and admitting that I DID have a problem: I told him that I used to be in a relationship with a girl who left me deeply scarred emotionally, and I became more effeminate afterwards, in a way because I wanted to become her subconsciously in a last ditch effort to somehow hold on to the relationship. Somehow I got out of that room alive. And in order to preserve my ego I pretended not to be deeply offended. We hung out some more in the following weeks and months, and weird accusations of me being a closet "Gilles De Rais" for example kept coming up. Then he texted me and said that he thought it would be best if he left me and everyone else alone for a while, until he could sort out all his problems. What do you think? How F'D up is that? Edited January 2, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I had quite a few gay guy friends at one time, who would tell me literally anything, very personal stuff, plus was just around them a lot hanging out. I'm going to use an analogy in an attempt not to make anyone mad here, but I probably will anyway. You know how young people when they first meet someone and fall in love with them without barely knowing them and they still think there is "the one and only" and that because they have these intense feelings, they are completely bumfuzzled when the other person does not reciprocate those feelings? In other words, they feel that the other person MUST be the one because to them it feels like the one and they think the intense feeling wouldn't be possible if the other person didn't share their love. Meanwhile, the other person is not interested. Similarly, I often noticed that some gay guys seem to think that because they are attracted to someone, that he must be gay, even if he doesn't know it yet. And of course, especially if that person is being nice to them and wanting to hang out. They may see some facet in you that they have in common or associate with being gay and just run with it. Now, before anyone jumps on me for making generalities, let me also say there are plenty of gay guys who are not deluded and also some who will openly admit they mostly are attracted to straight guys, which becomes the bane of their existence. Your muscley friend is getting a bit carried away. Let's hope he respects your boundaries and doesn't continue trying to browbeat you. Next time he projects being in the closet on to you, tell him you think he's projecting and sorry to disappoint. If he doesn't let up, there's something off with him being overly aggressive about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 Maybe he is gay or bi or something, if he was just trying to look for a reason to attack me he probably would have long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I had quite a few gay guy friends at one time, who would tell me literally anything, very personal stuff, plus was just around them a lot hanging out. I'm going to use an analogy in an attempt not to make anyone mad here, but I probably will anyway. You know how young people when they first meet someone and fall in love with them without barely knowing them and they still think there is "the one and only" and that because they have these intense feelings, they are completely bumfuzzled when the other person does not reciprocate those feelings? In other words, they feel that the other person MUST be the one because to them it feels like the one and they think the intense feeling wouldn't be possible if the other person didn't share their love. Meanwhile, the other person is not interested. Similarly, I often noticed that some gay guys seem to think that because they are attracted to someone, that he must be gay, even if he doesn't know it yet. And of course, especially if that person is being nice to them and wanting to hang out. They may see some facet in you that they have in common or associate with being gay and just run with it. Now, before anyone jumps on me for making generalities, let me also say there are plenty of gay guys who are not deluded and also some who will openly admit they mostly are attracted to straight guys, which becomes the bane of their existence. Your muscley friend is getting a bit carried away. Let's hope he respects your boundaries and doesn't continue trying to browbeat you. Next time he projects being in the closet on to you, tell him you think he's projecting and sorry to disappoint. If he doesn't let up, there's something off with him being overly aggressive about it. I wont jump on your back because there is a lot of truth in what you say. Two of my most favourite people in this world are gay and I often used to attract gay men when younger. Many can be as arrogant, aggressive, pushy and nasty (when rejected) as a straight man. The other thing for the OP to consider is that this fella may be a victim of abuse in his childhood and struggling with PSTD . Or maybe he's just a particularly nasty bully. Which ever it is Eddy, you don't have to tolerate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Maybe he is gay or bi or something, if he was just trying to look for a reason to attack me he probably would have long ago. Oh, yes, he's probably gay. Anyone not gay wouldn't care if you came out of the closet or not. I didn't realize you had any question about it. Maybe I'm wrong or misunderstanding something. If so, I apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Oh, yes, he's probably gay. Anyone not gay wouldn't care if you came out of the closet or not. I didn't realize you had any question about it. Maybe I'm wrong or misunderstanding something. If so, I apologize. Well, there were comments he made about wrestling, trying to get me to do it with HIM. Then he talked about a funny improv character who is the boyfriend of a gay wrestler and is always getting jealous whenever his boyfriend goes to practice or compete... so yeah, probably gay. But he shares some similarities with a "friend" I had when I was 12, who might have tried to kill me at one point. Edited January 3, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Well, there were comments he made about wrestling, trying to get me to do it with HIM. Then he talked about a funny improv character who is the boyfriend of a gay wrestler and is always getting jealous whenever his boyfriend goes to practice or compete... so yeah, probably gay. But he shares some similarities with a "friend" I had when I was 12, who might have tried to kill me at one point. GREAT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) GREAT! Yeah, we were playing on one of those mounds made of old ice and snow, it was after a huge snowstorm in Chicago, and below was an old rusty metal fence with sharp metal rods sticking straight up. He pushed me off and onto the fence but I somehow caught myself because I was able to notice what he intended to do before he did it. He said he was joking. Later he would always ask me if he could choke me out, he assured me I'd survive because his uncle did it to him and he was still there. And another time he told me to try to jump onto a moving train, he assured me I'd make it because his cousin did it... well, long story short, he wanted to watch me die and have it seem like an accident for kicks. Great? Are you trying to say he should have succeeded? Maybe that would have been better, at least I wouldn't have to worry about being single now. Edited January 3, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Well, THAT little friend of yours was definitely a psychopath, and little wonder with an uncle like that. I wonder if he's still out walking around free. Brrrrr. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Well, THAT little friend of yours was definitely a psychopath, and little wonder with an uncle like that. I wonder if he's still out walking around free. Brrrrr. Yeah, hope not. Anyway, I haven't heard from this other guy since November. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah, hope not. Anyway, I haven't heard from this other guy since November. If he tries to contact you ... DO not reply back, ignore him. I'm surprised how long you stuck it out with that friendship. And, he was the one who actually walked away! If he hadn't, would you have walked away eventually or continued hanging out with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) If he tries to contact you ... DO not reply back, ignore him. I'm surprised how long you stuck it out with that friendship. And, he was the one who actually walked away! If he hadn't, would you have walked away eventually or continued hanging out with him? It was hard to walk away. His girlfriend was signed up for the same improv class I payed for so had to stick it out to the end, then he would come (for her) and we all hung out afterwards. In the more recent months, he took classes at the college I teach at, until he dropped out (which is when I saw him last) so he would run into me in the hall and library all the time. If that was not the case, I would have left right after I felt he had adequately introduced me to the Chicago comedy and improv scene. Part of the reason I stuck around was that I don't like to show weakness. Maybe I felt that if I stick around, he'll think I'm not effected by whatever he tried to pull. Either way, I had plans of cutting ties when the semester ended. Edited January 3, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Eddy, this guy sounds like he is several crayons short of a full box. I'd not be alone with him anymore. He is not respecting you at all and continues to assert you are something that you aren't..and he seems like he is becoming so obsessed with you and wanting/hoping you are gay so he can make a move? Not sure, but it sounds like he is bit mental. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 yeah, he's really got some problems and I would not have allowed him around me after the first time you corrected him. He'd have been on block real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 What's the best way to tell someone to cuff off if they don't understand silence? Link to post Share on other sites
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