how can I control my overflowing insecurity and jealous toward my friends?

[yue.ayase]

Ok, so I understand clearly that a person can have multiple best friends, people don't need to spend time together to prove their friendship, and that spending time alone with one friend does not mean that other friends are being excluded. Although I understand all that, I can't help myself getting upset when certain friends talk and hang out with each other when im not around. I get all upset about the fact that im not included and wants to know what they talked about exactly. And im especially scared that they talked behind my back or made things up about me. These friends are all nice friends, but I just can't deal with the fact that they are closer than I am to them. I dont want these stupid feelings no more. I have other close friends too, so its not like my life is surrounded by these two people, yet I just can't control this strange feelings???

[MercuryMorrison1]

This is a dilemma I never quiet understood.

 

I have a Female friend who occasionally feel's the same way you do, feeling jealous of other friends for hanging out with each other instead of her.

 

Honestly, when she asked for my advice I told her the truth as I saw it. That I believed it was her personal insecurity's that made her feel that way, much like lovers get jealous of one another for not spending enough time with each other, this is apparently the case in some friendships as well.

 

You said it yourself, You don't have to spend all day ever day together to prove that your friendship means something, If the friendship is truly strong, than this kind jealousy is totally unwarranted.

[preraph]

Honestly, it sounds like a personal insecurity issue only therapy will help. It probably stems from childhood. Who else did you feel you had to work to get attention from? Did someone take the attention of someone you loved away from you?

[whichwayisup]

Are these the same group of friends you were upset and feeling insecure and jealous about before?

 

This is your own issue and I hope you can get counseling for it. There's a reason why you feel insecure but it's not them or anything they're doing. Talking to someone about how you feel will help and hopefully you can deal with whatever it is that's making you jealous and feel left out, worried that they're talking behind your back. Maybe it's something from your past, your childhood and how your parents made you feel. Do you have siblings that you felt you had to compete with or they made you feel left out?

 

One thing, you cannot control what people say behind your back so try your best to let that go.

[d0nnivain]

On some level you do feel hurt & excluded. Sometimes it's unintentional.

 

 

Last Friday DH & I went to the same place we go every Friday. Early the day a friend texted me to ask if we were going to be there. I said yes. We all have a great time together. When the pictures appeared on FB the friend who had introduced us posted a hurt message saying she was in the area, how come nobody invited her? We explained that invites weren't needed & we were sorry.

 

 

It happens. Don't take it personally .

[Satu]

I think it important that we own and take responsibilty for our feelings.

 

Nobody is making you feel what you feel. Your feelings are in you, and generated by you. That doesn't mean we can't be hurt, it just means that we have to take responsibility for what we feel.

 

Some counselling would probably be helpful, as would reading about feelings of jealousy.

 

Say to yourself, "These are my feelings, and I take responsibility for them."

[spanishchick00]

I don't think you can control it. I've been excluded several times. The thing that I find most offensive is when 2 friends are talking about hanging out together right in front of me and don't bother to invite me. Um ok...at least be tactful about it. That's why I no longer deal with friendship ****, I'm no longer close friends with anyone and I distance myself from people, so I won't get hurt feelings anymore.