Atticus9292012 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 So this weekend I had a lot to do for Christmas. I had to get the bulk of my shopping done, get my tree up, and try to get cards out. I got lots of shopping done and the tree done, but the cards will probably barely get to people by Christmas. Oh well. I am a single mom, I do my best and have to cram a lot into the weekends my son is with his dad. Anyway, I digress, I have a friend that kept trying to get together with me this weekend. I wasn't intentionally blowing her off, but I had to do all of the above things and I had made plans already with other friends too so I only had small available windows to see her. Well, Saturday afternoon rolls around. I had told her I would text or call her when I was done with the tree. I told her this while I was having lunch with another girl friend of mine on the phone after we'd finished shopping. Well, I get home and I had just put up my tree. I hadn't put the decorations on it, but it was quite an ordeal getting everything out of storage, cleaning up all the dust. I needed a breather. Just at the time I needed a little break, a guy I am pretty good friends with (and have some romantic inkling for) calls and wants to come over and finish some beer we had bought the night before. We only had two left, so one for each of us. I told him to come on over and I figured it would be a short visit. Well, what I thought would be a quick beer turned into hours and a trip to the store for some more beer. My friend called and my guy friend was sitting there and knows her and asked if he could answer my phone, so I said yeah. They talked a minute and then she and I talked. She didn't seem mad, but I explained what happened. She was on her way to do some Christmas shopping. We got off the phone. I have reached out to her a handful of times since Saturday with no response. I feel guilty about Saturday, because 1.) her mom died in December several years ago and this time of year is hard on her and I knew that was probably why she didn't want to be alone 2.) she probably thinks I intentionally blew her off to hang out with my guy friend, who she knows I like. I just feel bad, because yet it may look like I was blowing her off, but I didn't intend to do that. He came over and time just kind of got away from me. I guess I should have texted her to come over at some point. I hate it when I think someone is upset with me and they won't talk to me about it. I guess I also feel guilty because being one of the few single people in my friend group, I have been dissed for boyfriends/guys many times and know how that feels. Should I try to reach out again or just leave it alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Mandy26 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Hi, out of kindness you did intentionally blow her off. When your male friend (who you have romantic inklings for) called, you chose to have him over, rather then call your friend. Maybe just call her, and discuss it. See if she would like to get together, and take it from there. Owning what you did is a start, or she could be busy too, but you will never know unless you two communicate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 You didn't intend to blow her off, but you did blow her off. You explained here exactly how you messed up and you explained exactly why she might be more hurt about it than usual, and then you ask, "Should I try to reach out again or just leave it alone?" Of course you should reach out again, and this time include an apology. I think you owe her that, and I hope she'll accept it. If she'll allow you, make it up to her by taking her out to dinner or spend a day shopping with her or something. Be a better friend. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 You guys are right. I knew the unbiased people of the internet would tell me honestly. I have called and texted her until she finally responded to me, but it was very short saying "I do not care to be blown off," and that was all. I have apologized and tried to explain and said that it was sh***y of me for what happened last weekend. I said this in a voicemail and text message. This was on Tuesday. I sent her one last text this morning saying that I was sorry again and I would really like to make this right, and to please get in touch with me if she would be willing to get together this weekend. So far, no response, but she would be getting to work right now. At this point, I am not sure what else to do. I value my friendships a lot. I have friends that I have known 10 plus years. I guess the ball is in her court and I should just leave it alone. I don't want to keep bombarding her and making her more angry Link to post Share on other sites
Mandy26 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hi, at least you made your call and text, that's all you can do sometimes. I think that was great! And honestly we all make mistakes one time or another. One of my best friends and I have been friends for 20 years. And we have had our ups and downs too. The fact that you did this alone says how much you value your friendship. Hopefully time is all she needs. Sometimes we are in different places and have different needs to satisfy in the same time...wishing you the best this Christmas. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 You're going to feel really bad if you find out she was just trying to give you your Christmas present. At the point you felt you couldn't get everything done, that's when you tell them no and let them off the hook. If you can't handle your schedule, don't make everyone else pay for it. It's just causing them to get off schedule and waste time at a busy time of year. You started crossing the line at the point you put her off about making firm plans. It then AGAIN became her problem to try to reach you and get you to get yourself organized enough for a simple thing like meeting a friend. It seems to me you knew early on you were going to drop the ball. The friend "kept trying to get together with you." If I had to do that to see a friend, I wouldn't be their friend very long. I want a "yes" and a time and place or a "no thank you" the same day I ask. There's just no excuse. Everyone is too busy, not just you. You kept her dangling all weekend. Anytime you put someone down at the bottom of your priorities like that, it's very insulting. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You guys are right. I knew the unbiased people of the internet would tell me honestly. I have called and texted her until she finally responded to me, but it was very short saying "I do not care to be blown off," and that was all. I have apologized and tried to explain and said that it was sh***y of me for what happened last weekend. I said this in a voicemail and text message. This was on Tuesday. I sent her one last text this morning saying that I was sorry again and I would really like to make this right, and to please get in touch with me if she would be willing to get together this weekend. So far, no response, but she would be getting to work right now. At this point, I am not sure what else to do. I value my friendships a lot. I have friends that I have known 10 plus years. I guess the ball is in her court and I should just leave it alone. I don't want to keep bombarding her and making her more angry Yes, it's up to her now. You've apologised and meant it. Don't beat yourself up over it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 She eventually contacted me and we talked. All is well now. I should have just communicated that I didn't think it would work out that weekend and planned another weekend....she and I always make plans that way. Very up in the air. This is the first it's ever not worked out. She called and I explained my schedule and when I was available. It's not that she was low on my priorities I just already had plans the times she called until I got distracted by the stupid boy. Anyway, I am glad we made up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 You guys are right. I knew the unbiased people of the internet would tell me honestly. I have called and texted her until she finally responded to me, but it was very short saying "I do not care to be blown off," and that was all. I have apologized and tried to explain and said that it was sh***y of me for what happened last weekend. I said this in a voicemail and text message. This was on Tuesday. I sent her one last text this morning saying that I was sorry again and I would really like to make this right, and to please get in touch with me if she would be willing to get together this weekend. So far, no response, but she would be getting to work right now. At this point, I am not sure what else to do. I value my friendships a lot. I have friends that I have known 10 plus years. I guess the ball is in her court and I should just leave it alone. I don't want to keep bombarding her and making her more angry You've apologized and reached out a few times. All you can do is wait this out. Give her some space and hopefully soon she'll get in touch with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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