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Flakes...


bubbletea

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This is long, sorry... :sick: I hope she doesn't read this site either lol.

 

How do you guys deal with flakey friends? To be honest I've never had a rude or flakey friend in my life and it's puzzling to me because I'm not like that. She is nice otherwise, but she is kind of all over the place, social butterfly, not too much depth to her, obviously unreliable too.

 

I met this girl in one of my nursing courses this semester. I am very reserved and shy so it's rare that I make any new friends considering my age now...I'm 31 and female. I invited her 2 months prior to a classmate's wedding since I didn't have a date or anyone else to bring. She said she was excited to try the food, have some drinks, dress up, blah blah...

 

The day comes, she leaves her house late even though she knew what time she had to be at my house. I had to drive without her and meet her there since she didn't show up at the agreed time. She was kind of upset I guess and debated turning around to go home but she didn't. When she gets there, she just wants to sit in the car instead...I'm thinking...what? Finally she goes inside and we sit through the ceremony. She wants to leave after that and ditch the reception because she worked the night before 11pm to 8am... Again I am thinking...what? Why spend the day without sleep and agree to attend if you can't do it? She told me about her overnight schedule the day before but still insisted she would still be fine to attend the wedding. So I offer to take her to a restaurant to eat because we both didn't eat all day, and she just seemed really uncomfortable/antisocial at the wedding. She says okay, we agree to meet back at my house and go from there.

 

Then she texts me that she's parked under a tree near my street and another street. I am out on the porch looking for her. Tried calling her, ignored calls. She texts back like ten minutes later saying she's sorry, she better leave and go home before she feels too sick. Then she texts again an hour later saying thank you for inviting and "let's hang out again soon!!!!", it was "so fun!!!!", blah blah....as if nothing went wrong. I was supposed to be at the wedding to help take pictures of some of our classmates, and I didn't even get to do that because she was being weird and flaking out!

 

So anyway, now she wants to hang out over winter break...go to Disneyland, Universal, all these places... I'm really hesitant to trust her now especially when money is involved, but my parents are telling me to give her another chance. So I'm like...waiting for her to coordinate a day with me, but she just picks her own day without asking me. It makes it sound like she's just making plans for herself instead of with me. Then I ask and make sure it's just us. She says she's inviting her brother, cousin, whoever... I just think it's so rude to not discuss this in advance or ask the other person whether they mind or not. I wouldn't want to go with other people I don't know because knowing her she will talk to them the whole time and I'll just be a third wheel.

 

So yeah...I'm thinking of just ignoring her texts now and not responding about winter break. She failed our nursing class actually so I won't have to see her again next semester. She is a nice girl, but there are so many things I find rude about her as a "friend" and don't want to deal with the hassle of accommodating her. It feels like a one-sided friendship already with me bending backwards to work things out for her, and I hardly know her yet!

 

Am I being unreasonable or what?

Edited by bubbletea
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  • 2 weeks later...

Ooooohhhhh, I have a friend very similar to yours.

 

Correction: I had a friend or two like yours but presently they have been demoted to "acquaintances". One would act very similar to your friend with the excuses, only my "friends" excuses for lack of communication revolved around her cell phone having issues. After months of these bs excuses, I just flipped it around and started treating her the same way. I made myself unavailable to her calls and texts and on the few times I did answer, I would give her the same exact phone trouble Excuses that she tried to bs me with.

 

Just like your friend, mine would love to make all of these fabulous hangout plans and then flake in some way. It got to the point where I became indifferent to the flaking out because I knew it was going to happen and always had backup plans with others.

 

My point is, yes, you have every right to be annoyed by her behavior. But it will serve you better to just realize this is what you get with her, so don't count on her for making plans.

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MercuryMorrison1

Personally speaking.

 

I just stopped putting stock into my flaky friends. Over the years I've had friends come and go, some of them were flaky and they tend to not really be ''friends'' long term.

 

When I was younger I used to keep putting effort into flaky friends because I simply didn't know any better due to my lack of experience dealing with people. But as I've grown and matured over the years I stopped trying to initiate contact with people who couldn't stand by their word or be reliable in any manner what so ever.

 

Of course the quantity of the friends I had started to decline because of this, but the quality of the few I maintained friendship with skyrocketed.

 

My advice is simple.

 

Like all relationships in life, it's about investment on both parties behalf in order to make it work. If someone is not investing the same in you as you are them, then let the relationship sink like Titanic and just wash your hands of it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Well thanks for the advice guys. It looks like I'm just going to start ignoring her texts and any attempts she makes to meet up.

 

We made "plans" for today to go to Universal Studios. I let her pick where we go, what time, what day... I asked her multiple times on the days leading up to confirm if she still wanted to go. She always said, "yes!!" Then last night at 10:40pm she texted me saying, "hey i'm going to have to cancel tomorrow,"...no other explanation or apology.

 

I made her a $70 gift basket of goodies as a Christmas present that I was going to give her today. Now I'll just have to keep it. I wasn't going to give her anything until she kept mentioning some "present" she was going give me. I guess I got carried away when I kept adding to the basket, but I don't have a ton of friends so I didn't mind spending the money for a supposed "friend".

 

My grandma passed away a couple days ago and I was looking forward to going out and doing something fun to take my mind off. She knew about it and she still ditched me like that. It's amazing how good friends can be truly hard to find.

Edited by bubbletea
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  • 4 weeks later...

Ahh she sounds like a fake, unreliable, inconsiderate tool. Honestly, don't bother put any more effort with girl she will just drain you. I had a friend exactly like that, I call them "text friends"...full of fake pleasantries, but never really there when you need them.

 

Sorry to hear about your Grandma by the way. And trust me, it's never too late to make new friends, and there are defo those out there who can commit to plans and indeed, know how to be a good friend :)

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  • 5 weeks later...

No I used to put up with this kind of stuff a lot. I now learned to make people meet you halfway. If someone is really interesting in becoming your friend, they will accept all your invitations. Make people do their part of the work to be their friend.

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