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What can I do to get the friendship back?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 26th November 2014, 12:17 AM   #1
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What can I do to get the friendship back?

It's been about a month since it ended.

We became close friends in a span of about 4 months since we met. I had no attraction at first then I became attached and fell for her. She didnt like me back but took an interest in my friend which hurt me. We had arguments over it. I can admit now that I was jealous and I acted on emotion rather than logic which eventually made me lose her a month ago. She said I got too jealous, protective and possessive the past couple months and that she felt like I was telling her what she can and can't do, then ended the friendship. In this time away from her it made me realize my actions drove her away. So I guess I am to blame. I never intended to make her feel like that. Also, in this time away my feelings for her got less. And I need to get the friendship back because I really miss that more than anything. I feel like she kind of hates me and does things now she knows will piss me off. I've been in no contact since thinking she will come back but I guess I'm the one that is meant to come back to her. So all up our friendship lasted 8 months. I barely can sleep, eat or go a day without thinking about this mess. I really miss her a lot and I am only human and make mistakes, don't I deserve a second chance? How do I go about trying to reconnect her friendship with me?
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Old 26th November 2014, 12:24 AM   #2
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What have you done to change your ways? She will ask this and if she accepts your friendship again, you'll have to show and prove to her that you're not that jealous person wanting to tell her who she can or can't see. There will have to be boundaries and rules, lines that you don't cross...The friendship won't be the same as it once was.

People don't change over night and I doubt your feelings for her are all gone, totally platonic.

It's hard to keep a friendship with someone you want and they don't want you the same way.

You can write her a note, asking to talk it out and see if she is interested in trying again. If she isn't, you'll have to respect her wishes and let her go...
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Old 26th November 2014, 12:44 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
What have you done to change your ways? She will ask this and if she accepts your friendship again, you'll have to show and prove to her that you're not that jealous person wanting to tell her who she can or can't see. There will have to be boundaries and rules, lines that you don't cross...The friendship won't be the same as it once was.

People don't change over night and I doubt your feelings for her are all gone, totally platonic.

It's hard to keep a friendship with someone you want and they don't want you the same way.

You can write her a note, asking to talk it out and see if she is interested in trying again. If she isn't, you'll have to respect her wishes and let her go...
My feelings aren't gone, but they aren't as strong as before. I was thinking about texting and I was going to text her but I chickened out. She's given second chances to other people. And they did worse than me in comparison. So don't I deserve another chance too? Her and I were closer than her and those other people too. I'm so afraid because I have no idea how to go about this situation. I don't know how other people do this in these situations
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Old 26th November 2014, 8:17 AM   #4
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I don't think you should be comparing yourself and your actions to others in regards to how you treated her. Unless you are a very self aware and humble person, it's easy to put yourself in glorified light. In no way is that to discourage you or say I don't believe you. It's just that you seem to put a heavy emphasis on what you deserve while in reality none of us actually deserve anything, all we can do is hope to be treated in the way we expect and want to be.

With that said, I always find it very commendable when people actually realize they've done something wrong and want to apologize for their behavior. Anyone is capable of screwing up and especially doing another person wrong, very few however have the capacity to admit that and the desire to do wrong right.

All depending on the type of person she is, and if you feel you know her well, you should strongly consider writing her something meaningful. It helps giving her a respectful apology, regardless of how she'll receive it and whether you will be friends with her again or not. The one thing I'm concerned of is how capable you are of controlling you true feelings for her, even if you say they are less. It's probably a really good idea to do an evaluation of yourself and try to envision scenarios that may make you feel greatly uncomfortable and that could possibly invoke negative feelings again, when with her.

No matter what, any human of decent quality, would accept a sincere apology. It does however not mean that she'll want to be friends again, but at the very least you've done the right thing, as this is clearly something that means a great deal to you. Make an effort and the right people that are meant to be in your life will typically value it. It's better to have attempted, than to keep yourself stuck in an emotional turmoil that will eat away your mind and soul.
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Last edited by StalwartMind; 26th November 2014 at 8:23 AM..
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Old 26th November 2014, 1:51 PM   #5
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She's probably done. And if she takes you back on as a friend, why do you think the feelings wouldn't resurface and you'd be lashing out again out of jealousy? I doubt you've changed that much since then.
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Old 3rd December 2014, 5:12 PM   #6
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Hey, I can relate to what your saying as I'm in a similar situation. Well I'm still friends with my friend but it's difficult because I iike her more than just a friend.

If you still like her more than just a friend then you will continue to get hurt and be jealous around her. You want more from her then she will give to you and this feels like torture. You will be disappointed.

I suppose you will always be wondering about her so maybe you can give it one more shot. If she does say yes let's be friends then i do suggest you make a real effort to adjust your expectations and try to just see her as just a friend. Easier said then done I know very well.
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