shibbyshan Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me. He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on. So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don’t get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day. Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said in the message Tuesday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them? I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period. I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems i haven't heard from him in 4 days? Link to post Share on other sites
JCG Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I also wrote a thread on mixed signals. I haven't really got a lot of feedback although it would be nice!! You can't obviously take back what's been done/said/offered. And we know that offering sex does not make another party want to be with you. If anything, you are making yourself too available/needy in his eyes. He feels no urgency to get in touch, because, he knows he can have you at a drop of a dime. Or, so your behaviour suggests. My advice? Don't contact him. Don't initiate anything. No matter how much you want to. Do the exact opposite of what your heart is wanting to do. No contact. And, the best way to retract your suggestion of FWB, is NOT verbally taking it back. Change your actions when he contacts you. And he will. He most definitely will. When he does, don't engage in any suggestive behaviour or words. That's how you can retract what now is done. Pretend it was never on the table to begin with. Take it off the table. You will get your own respect back, and gain his. Don't be the pursuer under any circumstances. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibbyshan Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Thanks. Do you mind sharing why you think he will be back in contact? I personally don't think he will being 4 days without contact after saying he would text me later. I think it's done personally. Link to post Share on other sites
JCG Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I think he will be in contact, for the reason he won't hear from you and wonder why. You will be doing something out of your norm. He will be curious. The longer you stay strong and don't pursue, is when he will want to get in contact with you. 4 days is nothing. Stop chasing. Do the complete opposite of that. When he does, don't reply quickly, as if you've been waiting. Wait a few hours, or next day. Let him see that you are busy and not hanging on to his texts. Do you see? What has helped me is what I want to share with you. Google a site/blog called Therulesrevisited.com and also google the rubberband theory. It will all become clear. Keep me posted. I'm here for support. When you feel like texting him, come here. It will help. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 It troubles me that you are only being honest with yourself in retrospect but not stopping yourself from lying at the time you need to be honest with him and with yourself. You tell him you're okay with any old relationship and degrade yourself that way and it's not true. Secretly, for no good reason, you hope it will lead to a real relationship. Once you tell him you have low standards like that, you already know it won't. You need to set the bar where you have some dignity and be honest about what you want and not be so desperate you'll say anything or do anything just to get a guy to hang around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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