No one likes my friends boyfriend

[amkxoxo]

So I met my friend Lisa in college. She was dating a friend of mine for a year and after they broke up she and I got really close. She introduced me to many of her friends from high school, one girl, Lily, who is now even closer to me than Lisa. About a year ago Lisa met this guy who went to our school. His name is Dennis. He is in a fraternity organization and is a year younger than us.

 

When I met him the first few times he was nice, not super friendly, but for whatever reason there was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't see or hear him do or say anything wrong but he gave me an uneasy feeling. I wasn't the only one. Lily felt it too and expressed other friends felt the same as well. Lisa brought him around more and more. I was fine with it. A few times I would see him around campus, I would say hello or wave and he would not see me or ignore me all the time. Other people we know said the same.

 

I had a small Christmas gathering at my house. Lisa brought him which was fine. He acted fine. When everyone was going to leave I was saying my goodbyes and hugging. I went to hug Dennis. He was so awkward and even made a rude comment to me "oh were hugging now?" I was taken back. I just laughed and made it a joke. He made me uncomfortable. I never hugged him again. It was like he was saying we weren't friends. Maybe we weren't but he had hung out with us a lot and a boyfriend of my friend is a friend of mine. I just had you st my house, fed you and gave you drinks.

 

A week later for new years we were all invited to a party. Then we planned to have everyone sleep at my house. It was suppose to be a girls thing but Lisa brought him. I kind of thought it was weird she was having him sleep at my apartment with all girls. Everything was fine until the next morning. We all planned to go to breakfast at this place walking distance to where I live. With one bathroom, everyone piled in before my roommate and I got a chance to to get ready. Dennis, Lisa and Lily were waiting for us. I knew Lily was fine with it. Dennis kept complaining and convinced Lisa, who normally would wait for us, to be restless too. It got to the point where Dennis insist they leave and meet us there. I thought this was rude especially since I had them stay at my place. What was even more rude was when we got there they had already eaten and finished. Again not wanting to wait, they sat with us for a while and then left.

 

I was now noticing that he was controlling and had a bit of an ego. I felt he was rubbing off this on Lisa noticing her changing a bit too as well.

 

Months later I had a graduation party where I invited all my friends to stay at my house with my family for the night. Lisa asked if she could bring Dennis. I said ok figuring they wouldn't stay over. But they did. Dennis was nice, talkative, and had a great personality with my parents. Now that we are graduated it's tough because Lisa hangs out in the college crowd a lot because Dennis still goes there.

Lily and I do the college scene sometimes but we almost have to plan it ourselves if that makes sense. Sometimes Lisa and Dennis go to parties and never tell Lily or I when I would like to go.

 

The last straw was last weekend. We all went out to this bar where it was super crowded with the college crowd. Dennis was living the life. We had a distant friend who drank a little too much and was having a hard time. Lily was helping take care of her and Dennis was off with his friends doing whatever. It wasn't until a long while later when we had to get her into a car when Dennis appears and offers to help her into the car she was halfway into anyway. It was ridiculous. She was so bad we were determined that a man at the bar may have tried to slip something into her drink. The bar was filled with guys from the fraternity Dennis is apart of. When we started voicing our concern about what may have happened Lisa spoke up and started defending th r fraternity claiming it couldn't have been any of those guys and they are all nice. I found this ignorant and stupid. It could have been any person fraternity or not and just because your boyfriend is in it doesn't make it the perfect group of men. In fact one of the men made some rude comment to me while I was waiting to use the bathroom. Lisa immediately went on the defensive about her boyfriends fraternity. Before Lisa met him she didn't like Greek life at all. When she started dating Dennis he tried to convince her to join a sorority, something she wasn't into.

 

A few guy friends showed up. One of them told me how they hate Dennis. I asked why. They said he is pretentious and thinks he is better than everyone. The same vibe I got. They also said that the last time they went out, when I wasn't there, drinks were being ordered and paid for. Dennis made a comment to the two guys about "what are you poor?" How rude is that? I think my friend Lisa's boyfriend Dennis is rude, egotistical, and thinks he is better than us. When more than 4 people don't like him there has to be a problem. Lisa really likes him and I will support her all the time but I think he has changed her attitude a bit as well and she is more self absorbed as well.

Edited November 10, 2014 by amkxoxo

[preraph]

Nothing you can do about it except NOT invite him. But obviously she's prepared to keep him in tow, so if you exclude him, you exclude her. It might be fun to invite someone who's a real alpha male sometime to see how he reacts when it's not all girls he gets to lord over.

[SpiralOut]

I think you picked up a bad vibe from him right away because he is not being genuine. Whoever he really is, he doesn't show it while out with you guys - or at least, he hides it as much as he can. I bet he acts really different when he is alone with his girlfriend, and not in a good way.

 

 

The hug thing I can kind of understand, because I am awkward about hugging. The comments about being poor were out of line. He is insecure so he puts others down using the guise of humour. Remember that his "acting like he is better than others" is his way of trying to feel that he has worth. It is not personal against any of you, those are his own issues.

 

 

Maybe just limit which events you invite them to and be careful what you say about her boyfriend. She's too deep in denial to listen to reason, but if you really want to keep her as a friend, try to be there for when/if she changes her mind.

Edited November 11, 2014 by SpiralOut

[amkxoxo]

Yeah I don't hate him but don't particularly like him. I don't see her marrying him i hope. She is so sweet and nice and she needs someone more like that in the long run. I don't doubt he treats he well but he seems very controlling and I think it's wrong of her to go along with it. From what I was told through friends, he was a huge player. For years he would line after girls, lie to them,and tell them what they wanted to hear to sleep with them. After a while of being in college he grew up and realized he wanted some steady girlfriend and set his sights on my nice friend. They have been together for over a year now and don't have many issues. But his past could be reason for how he is now. I'm shocked my nice friend Lisa is attracted to a guy who has been around the block with women. But I guess it's that "take the bad boy syndrome" she was the one who got him to change. Around his buddies and people at school he tends to ignore us more. He totes my friend around like his trophy wife.

 

I would love to challenge him with another alpha male. My ex was an alpha male. It would have been an awesome match up. I think my ex would have crushed him. It's annoying because sometimes Lily and I make plans with Lisa and want it to be girls dinner or going out and Lisa brings him. So it's me and Lily and I and then the couple. Lily and I don't have any men in our lives so we tend to hangout more just the two of us because of our similar lifestyles. I often feel like when we make plans with just Lisa we are flexible and more fun. When Dennis is involved Lisa communicates with us and isn't flexible or accommodating. If you don't fit into the plan, you don't.

[preraph]

Sometimes it's the "sweet" girls who are the most tolerant or think they can change them. They often are the very ones who end up with the controllers and abusers. But if you say they really haven't had many issues, then this just may be the right fit. She may not set off the suspicious trigggers in him or do anything much he feels he needs to change. If they're getting along and when he's around with her, he's not putting her down (an early sign of abuse) and things like that, he may be better with her or have matured or something.