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Friends have changed... no longer fulfilling needs?


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I am in my early twenties. a few years ago, I moved into a house share with several girls. I became friends with them, had a great time - we'd go out for nights out, have girly nights in - it was a sociable house.

 

I kept in contact with them and decided to move back to this city almost a year ago - I missed being near them and being able to spend time with them, plus I had no real social life in my home town.

 

things were OK when I moved back - we were all living apart. However things have gradually gotten worse.

 

Some have prioritised other friendship groups. Friend A will never suggest doing anything with our group, and seems happy to hang around with work friends all the time.

 

Friend B, C and D have gotten boyfriends. One claims to be too tired/busy etc, and yet has time to spend hours driving to her out of town boyfriend. Anytime I suggested anything with another one, she can't as she has plans with her boyfriend.

 

Some of them are just simply content to stay in every weekend watching TV.

 

I just don't understand what happened to these girls who used to be so lively and fun.

 

I suggest things regularly - everything from the standard food/movie to drag queen shows and funfairs - nobody is ever interested.

 

The only times I have seen them in the past few months, are times I have called round to their houses to see them.

 

It's starting to feel totally one sided.

 

One of them has even said we are too old for nights out (we are in our early twenties).

 

I understand that a lot of them have demanding jobs - but I work hard too - I have just started a part time masters degree, alongside full time work, alongside job hunting. The difference is, is that I feel my twenties are probably the decade where I am going to have all this energy to be able to balance a demanding work life alongside a busy social life.

 

I want to use my 20s to be with friend, be a little selfish, have fun, go on holidays and yes, sometimes get a little drunk and silly.

 

I have worked on spending time with myself - I have gone on day trips and done things just by myself, and it's helped me in the independence department.

 

I've even started seeing someone, and he's great - but like I mentioned above, I wanted t spend my 20s with friend and with myself - I don't want to throw myself into a serious relationship just yet.

 

I am happiest when I have a busy, thriving social life, and my friendship group just isn't providing this anymore.

 

Am I being totally unrealistic? What should I do? Have others had similar experiences?

 

At the moment I am considering relocating to a different city and moving into a large house share with other girls - though I am unsure of how lucky I will be in finding a similar bunch of girls that I get on well with, as I was before.

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I think you may have to get used to the fact that most of the friends that you have listed are on a different life track. Some really want to dive into the nuclear family.

 

If I were you I would just keep loose and try not to lock yourself into ideals that can change. I commend you on not trying to settle down in your early 20's. Its just our modern day society tends to encourage settling down for the most part.

 

Just have hobbies/recreation and let the fun begin. Don't lock down anyone into your view of life as it may cause conflict where there does not have be.

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You can't tell people what they ought to feel like doing or not doing. They're in their 20s but that means they're all adjusting to full-time careers and they may be the only one to take care of everything to do with their own life and that takes a lot of energy. Now they have limited time and are picking and choosing. Don't fret, though, because if you keep going and doing things even on your own, you'll find a friend who likes to do the same things. Don't get rid of old friends unless they do something really bad. Just collect new ones!

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