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Acrimonious end to friendship


FoolishMan

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Yesterday, I had an acrimonious end to a friendship. I am no psychiatrist but to me, she is either a narcissistic or an emotionally unbalanced soul ... I cannot decide.

 

I looked out for her, helped her though a marriage breakup. For my sins, I also fell for her. I told her how I felt, she did not feel the same and met someone else. Since then, I have slowly started to move away from her for my own sanity. As a friend and not through malice, I expressed my reservations for her new boyfriend through things she has told me about him. I tried to keep out of it but due to my nature, I eventually cracked and told her my concerns. At the time, she thanked me for looking out for her.

 

Over the past month, I have really did cut off contact from her citing that I just needed time to myself (I did talk to her almost daily). I found out that not talking to her made my emotions more stable as they were up and down when I was in continuous contact with her. She has been ignoring my pleas to be left alone and been contacting me weekly. Every time, I would just say, please respect my wishes. However, yesterday, she kind of flipped and accused me of being a selfish b*****d for ignoring her and that she will now stop contacting me! She also said the reason for me not talking to her was that I was jealous of her new boyfriend and that my words of concern about him were all false. All I wanted to do was to stop her from seeing him and painting him in a bad light.

 

She then came back in a text saying that as I was her friend, I should keep talking to her because if I started talking to her after a prolonged silence, her new boyfriend may think she had someone after her! That got me angry as it made no sense to which I replied "Thanks for letting me know that you are just covering your own back (against future possible problems)"

Her reply was "are you mad? we are not having an affair y'know".

 

I am now really quite angry! I am in two minds to type her an email telling what I now think of her but then I am thinking that she seems to be so self absorbed that I am wasting my time!?

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It seems in this situation, emotions are running high. You have had a very enmeshed relationship for a while. Though she is seeing someone else, you have been her shoulder and rock and you have developed feelings for her.

 

My opinion would be that your instinct to distance yourself and gain perspective is the best course of action. Time will give you an opportunity to be objective and have more clarity about your own emotions.

 

It seems a little odd that she is in a romantic relationship but is still so dependent on you. Your insight that something may not be right with this is probably correct. If she knows you will be there to pick her up and sort her out without having to take responsibility for her own decisions, you become an enabler. A parent/child relationship.

 

Trust your gut and keep your distance for awhile. For your sake and for hers.

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Timshel, Thanks for your reply and support.

 

It has been a very draining friendship that has sometimes left me in the emotional doldrums. I feel that this is finally the end of the friendship as she definately sees me as abandoning her. I tried not too, just wanted to walk away and then catch up with her at a later date maybe but she just kept accusing me of jealousy and not accepting her pleas to keep talking to her.

 

I also said she was being selfish for not letting go of me, which really set the fireworks flying. It made her unfriend and block me on Facebook, which is a big deal for her ... I couldn't give a ***** about FB!

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Your log in betrays, you are not a foolish man. We should make something up like DUI, but for men under the influence of women! I am a woman, so I know the tricks in the book and you my dear are currently under the influence.

 

Don't worry, if you have a real friendship then it will survive this growing pain. Don't over think it and trust your gut. You make perfect sense to me.

 

Let her play her games and do your own thing. You will be surprised how a cool head will win the war. Do not be moved. Set the example.

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Thanks again Timshel! I feel like a Foolish man as I should have walked away from this woman a long time ago. If I posted all that went on ... you will change your mind lol. I joined this forum during the depths of despair caused by her!

 

Are you alluding that she is just trying to make me come to her senses with the Facebook abandonment etc...?

 

Thank you.

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Sounds like she got used to the support and attention from you, but that she clearly isn't into you the way you are her, so you're right to just stop contact, no matter if she likes it or not. Getting in the middle of her dating stuff is NEVER going to be anything positive for you, no matter what. Nothing good can come from that, and you already know that. Say Toodaloo and best wishes. No point in burning a bridge over human nature.

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Sounds like she got used to the support and attention from you, but that she clearly isn't into you the way you are her, so you're right to just stop contact, no matter if she likes it or not. Getting in the middle of her dating stuff is NEVER going to be anything positive for you, no matter what. Nothing good can come from that, and you already know that. Say Toodaloo and best wishes. No point in burning a bridge over human nature.

 

Thanks for the reply - insightful words as always.

 

The main thing for me is that I could do it and I feel better for doing it even though there is a small streak in me that makes me feel selfish. She has forced my hand in this case.

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FM. I think you are going to have to just let it go. When I hear you say that you love her or that ever it was. It seems like most of us men are just in lust mode and deny it to ourselves. So thats why we say the love word.

 

To me love is caring about the human being beyond the romance/lust thing. So many of us guys should just be honest with ourselves. We just want to tap ass. Some of that we can turn into relationships. A lot of those women we can't.

 

I have a friend that I could see myself having sex with and another woman as well. I just take it as lust and that I don't have a GF a the moment. I only fantasize about those women from time to time.

 

More later.

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Thanks for the reply - insightful words as always.

 

The main thing for me is that I could do it and I feel better for doing it even though there is a small streak in me that makes me feel selfish. She has forced my hand in this case.

 

You're not selfish. AT all. You were her friend, she wasn't your friend. It always was about her, her life and whatever drama was going on.

 

She has many narcissistic traits and also is mentally unbalanced. People like that are manipulative and passive aggressive too, so it's good she's blocked you. Though if you see she's unblocked you, BLOCK her immediately.

 

Ignore her calls. Try to see if you block her there, if not, change your number.

 

Silence is the only way to go with this situation, otherwise she'll continue to stress you out and try to make you feel bad/guilty etc..etc..

 

You noticed quite quickly how happier and peaceful you felt without her in your life, yes? That is THE sign you're better off in NC mode with her for good.

 

She's toxic.

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todreaminblue

hey ,

 

 

this

 

 

She then came back in a text saying that as I was her friend, I should keep talking to her because if I started talking to her after a prolonged silence, her new boyfriend may think she had someone after her!

 

manipulation to get you to write her back.....where she then put you down by saying we are not in an affair ya know......she is the one initiating......it is her who is chasing you....

 

you have every right to want to back away......leave her to her new relationship......think carefully before getting involved again with her...best wishes.......deb

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Thanks for your replies, Whichwayisup, you are so right! I was so annoyed that this person treated me the way she did by shouting and blocking me off social media. However, after a few days, I should thank her! This will sound glib but since being "rejected", I feel as dark clouds have cleared and I can see the sun again. I feel that I am rediscovering myself from before I got whipped up with her life. I am disappointed with myself for being weak and repeatedly letting this woman back in my life. I suppose I will have to just live and learn ....

 

Thanks again guys!

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