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5 year friend has disappeared


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 3rd November 2014, 6:28 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by couchcushion View Post
This is really interesting. I looked at some of our old messages. A couple months or so ago, I invited her somewhere, and she responded that she wasn't feeling very upbeat, low mood, but thanks for the invite. So she is totally capable of doing this, and she obviously has been honest with me in the past. Which makes me wonder what is different this time.

I know this is the internet, and we're all anonymous. But you'll have to trust me that she is normally quite considerate and thoughtful. For example, she will bring me small gifts when we get together, even if it's just a can of pop that I like, or a candy bar.

I am left wondering if there is a problem with her phone and not getting my texts. One of the last text messages she sent was asking me to repeat what I had written because she could tell not all my texts came through.

I hope I will be able to update you all if/when I hear from her again.
You never know - it could be that (a problem with her phone). There are times my phone hasn't received messages. What about sending a card to her?
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Old 3rd November 2014, 6:39 AM   #17
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You know what would help me more than anything to get out of my depression and face the **** i have to face head on? Having friends support me, that simple...it gives you strength, affirmation and a sense of belonging.
Right. It's often the absence of those feelings that can trigger or exacerbate depression. It seems to be one of these unfortunate things in life that people tend to support most readily those who already have an abundance of support.

It's hard to know what to say, even when you've been there yourself plenty of times. All I can say is that if the support doesn't come from friends when you need it, and when you feel that you've been left in your own space, that's a time to reach into yourself and be creative. Even if it's the last thing you feel like being.

With A Piece Of Chalk - JuBaFilms - YouTube

Whether it's going for a walk, or visiting an art gallery, listening to classical music, reading a great book...or, if you don't feel up to any of those things, listening to a "feel better, increase your positivity" relaxation tape, you have to stick with these methods. There are so many things out there that can help you feel better...and actually, some of them do a better job than most people ever could.
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Old 3rd November 2014, 8:43 AM   #18
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If she normally answers you , I'd err on the side of caution and try again .

Normally in life we are only sorry about the things we didn't do.

When I read the post about the friend and the oatmeal bath story it made me tear up. What an awesome friend .
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Old 3rd November 2014, 6:18 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Taramere View Post
You never know - it could be that (a problem with her phone). There are times my phone hasn't received messages. What about sending a card to her?
A card sounds like a good idea. However, if she is ignoring me because I've overwhelmed her with invitations already, then I worry that the card will just look desperate and make the situation worse.

At Christmas if I send out cards, which I often do, I will still include her.

This predicament would be funny if it wasn't also sad: Friend 1 has low moods causing her to not respond to Friend 2 (we can only assume). Friend 2 has a fear of rejection (my own issue I am trying to work on) and reacts by not reaching out any more to Friend 1. Friend 2 not reaching out perpetuates low mood in Friend 1.

As I said, I will let you all know how this plays out if there are any developments. Any more thoughts in the meantime or similar stories and their outcomes are appreciated.
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Old 7th November 2014, 6:45 PM   #20
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I suffer from depression and I would really appreciate a friend like you. Instead I got dumped on Facebook by my friend of almost a decade, when I had post natal depression. He didn't even ask me what was wrong.
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Old 9th November 2014, 1:59 AM   #21
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Thanks, Sugarkane, that's very kind of you. I'm sorry your friend dumped you while you were down.
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Old 19th November 2014, 8:49 PM   #22
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Update

So I last heard from my friend on October 16. And I last texted her October 25 to see if she was okay, with no response. Then I backed off and made no contact whatsoever. Figured she would either come around or it was over, and I could live with it either way. I know I have done nothing but be a good friend, and if I did do something that annoyed her, it wasn't intentional.

So this morning, at last, just after midnight, she sent me a long text message. Said she had been grumpy and sleepy for a month, and she was sorry, and that she missed me. And asked if I had any chores I was doing that she could tag along with (this is quite normal for our friendship. We often hang out when we have to get something done, like shopping for a particular item, cleaning our houses, etc. We encourage each other to get stuff done).

I would not accept this from any other friend, but because she is open about having mood and sleep issues, I'm going to respond. I have some shopping for work I have to do so I will propose that. Then, when I see her in person, I will bring up her complete disappearance over the past month. It's not the kind of thing to text about.

Anyway, I just wanted to update the thread, since a lot of threads get started and no one hears how they turn out.

I will try to send an update after we meet in person, too.
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Old 3rd December 2014, 6:36 PM   #23
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Update 2

We met up in person. After spending an hour or so together, we sat down for a meal. Finally during the meal I casually brought up her sudden disappearance. She confirmed that she had been feeling down during that month of no contact and had barely gone out at all. I told her she could always just tell me she was not feeling up for anything, because she has done this in the past and I'm totally understanding. Better than just ignoring me.

Anyway, we had a nice time and things seem back to normal. She told me it's never personal if she doesn't respond and to keep inviting her so that she snaps out of her funk.

I anticipate that "normal" for us will mean her going MIA once or twice a year, but I'm willing to accept this from her given that she has explained why this happens (which is a pretty personal thing to divulge) and that we are able to talk about it.

Last edited by couchcushion; 3rd December 2014 at 6:38 PM..
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