Who overreacted ?

[elpatron]

Just a few months ago I confessed my interest to a friend who I've known for about two years now. I only developed an interest in her after she started a temporary position at the company I work for (also a few months ago). She did not feel the same way, but alas we kept our friendship, going out together sporadically, as well as outings with friends, family etc.

 

Fast forward to this weekend, I fell asleep next to her in a bed at a family party. To which she later told me was a bit too much, that it was uncomfortable for her because of it being her family's house. Now, I've stayed there before on various other occasions just not next to her.

 

Her family has always been very amiable towards me, and this weekend neither they nor I thought much of it. In fact I only know this from her because I noticed something bothered her after we left that day and I asked her about it later on.

 

So to this I ultimately responded: "it felt like an excuse on her behalf for something else, and that I'll do her the favor of backing off. If I make her that uncomfortable when no lines were crossed, and nothing happened, something is not right. I added that she can count on me at work for anything."

 

In response she thought I couldn't be serious, that I shouldn't stress about it.

 

I've always respected her feelings, I didn't expect to have made her uncomfortable enough to have it bother her and make a point about it.

 

Now that I think about it, I feel its a case of a text I shouldn't have sent. But nonetheless I think its something that needs to be addressed or is it just me overthinking it ?

[CC12]

When someone tells you that something you did made them uncomfortable, I think the best response, whether you necessarily agree with them or not, is to accept it, apologize, and say it won't happen again. You can't really argue with someone about their own personal level of comfort. You accused her of having ulterior motives and then appeared to threaten (or offer) to end the friendship. It almost comes across as punishment for her having tried to assert a boundary, and that's not good.

 

I'm curious, how did you end up in the same bed as her?

[Arieswoman]

OP,

 

I fell asleep next to her in a bed at a family party

[CC12]

OP,

 

 

Here's what I think happened. They were watching a movie or something in the same bed. Her bed, probably. She dozes off and wakes up hours later, sees OP fast asleep, and says WTF why are you sleeping in my bed my dad is gonna be pissed at me.

 

OP, please come back soon to set the record straight, or I'll continue writing fanfic about your personal dilemma.

[elpatron]

I did apologize in person and did say it wouldn't happen again. I ended up in the bed since its the only room they use for guests, where I've stayed on other occasions. She was already there, half asleep. The party was still on, I did not want to just invite myself into other parts of the house, and it didn't occur to me as being an invasion of space so I fell asleep there. Yes we were all drinking, her not as much as the rest of the party

[elpatron]

Lol no movies. More of a drinking, dancing and singing/karaoke type party, her mother left me there with her, this is all happening at the girls uncles house.

[CC12]

Alright, so,

 

I did apologize in person and did say it wouldn't happen again.

 

she thought I couldn't be serious, that I shouldn't stress about it.

 

You apologized, and she pretty much said, "Don't worry about it." Seems like it was just a little bump in the road. I don't think it needs to be addressed any further. Maybe just a quick, "Sorry about the other night" and then continue as usual. And if this ever happens again, you'll be better prepared to deal with it.

[elpatron]

Thank you for your response. Like you said, I do not want to address the issue any further. What is bothering me is the way I left it, it was too much for me to have said, and that is what i'd like to very quickly address.