How to deal with a superficial "friend" whose contact annoys you? (Rant warning)

[dragonfire13]

I have a friend, nice enough girl and fun to hang out with occasionally, who I have realised would be much better to be considered an acquaintance...talk to now and again and leave it at that.

 

We've known each other for years, but there is just no depth to her. If you try to have a real discussion about things, all you ever get from her is just wishy washy fake-smile bullsh*t...and then usually bombarded with a dozen picture messages with supposed inspirational quotes.

 

Now, I'm that kind of person who finds pointless superficial conversations, beyond say the courtesy 2 or 3 texts, a waste of time. We've established that I can't really chat to her about serious things, because she just doesn't have the emotional capacity to understand.

 

Yet, she will bombard me with pointless IM (WhatsApp) messages constantly! The messages have decreased as eventually I've just had to ignore them (how she has the time, I don't know, when she has a supposedly demanding job). But then she gets panicked that she's done something wrong, so I feel bad but emphasise that I have little interest in interacting with people via social media networks/apps.

 

We no longer live in the same city and I've offered on multiple occasions to meet her in her hometown, which she frequently visits to see family, as it happens to be halfway between where I live and where she's currently living. She always seems enthusiastic, yet she's been back on 3 occasions and hasn't mentioned meeting up. To add insult to injury, during these home visits I get daily updates about her trip home, including pictures.

 

I get it, she may be busy with her friends and family at home but I haven't seen her now for around 6 months, and since we would be chatting on WhatsApp all day, every day if she had her way (it's like I'm her boyfriend) you would think she'd jump at the chance of meeting up.

 

She comments on and notices all of my pictures/other social media updates, so it's like she's trying to compete or validate herself to me.... like "hey! I go out too! I'm a homebody who's good with kids too! :D". The idiotic thing is, if she had paid attention to the conversations we've had in the past (which is stuff I've posted about on here too), she would know my relationship with my family is very strained, and while I've started to meet people and go out since moving back to my hometown, I'm still a bit of a recluse these days.

 

I think that's why I find her superficial contact irritating. Once in a while a bit of idle chit chat, checking up on each other is fine. But pointless crappy conversations that go nowhere, every 3-4 days? No.

 

In the past, I've called her in the middle of her texting bombardment, because I honestly just don't have the patience to type out responses to inane conversations. She often misses the call and then texts trying to schedule a phonecall for another time lol.

 

Confronting her would be a waste of time. I'm just so tempted to block her on there, but I feel extremely petty doing so and I don't want to burn bridges as she isn't a bad person.

 

The annoying thing is, she's not the only one doing this. People are constantly trying to engage with me on either social media or IM...but when it comes to actually hanging out or being a proper mate, all of a sudden they go quiet or get vague and wishy washy and back off...just to start the whole process again a few days later.

 

Why bother with this pointless crap? Why continue to pester someone, who has made it very clear with their unenthusiastic responses (if they respond at all), that they aren't interested in being glued to their smartphone all day? I speak to very few people frequently and those I choose to are people who I can have a real conversation with (primarily through phone calls or face to face interaction). Besides, isn't constant messaging reserved for best friends/significant others/family members? Neither of which I am to any of these people (its not like I haven't tried to develop a proper friendship).

 

It's just so frustrating! Thanks for reading...

Edited October 29, 2014 by dragonfire13

[FoolishMan]

Dragonfire, I think we may know the same person!

 

I have just logged on to here to huff about "friendship" that has similarities to yours and came across your post.

 

If this person is not on your wavelength, you should just drop her out of your circle of contacts as in the long run, it just zaps your energy! You may have known this person for a long time but some people change overtime, and if they become a person that is of no "benefit" (for a better word that I cannot think off), reduce contact and concentrate on those who make you feel good.

[dragonfire13]

Haha I will have to check our your threads

 

Thanks for taking the time to read/respond to that rambling message...think I just needed to rant lol.

 

I think a lot of people these days just choose to engage in lazy communication, and see that as maintaining a friendship. People like that are definitely draining and I have started to distance myself, which is a start.

[HurtZ]

Welcome to the digital age where people are more concerned with interacting via phones and social media than actual contact. Still, I’m puzzled by your post—are you simply venting? It’s clear that you aren’t really interested in a real friendship with her (she annoys you) and she hasn’t put much effort into meeting up with you IRL. So not sure what the problem is. You just stop being friends with her, it doesn’t seem like much of a friendship anyways.

[dragonfire13]

I guess I was trying to understand people who will hit you up constantly, to the point of excessive and annoying, when they're not interested in being proper friends. Seems like such a waste of time and effort.

 

Also, I guess validation that there is little point in continuing with this supposed friendship, and that I'm not being too harsh cutting things off...like maybe I was overlooking good intentions on her part?

[Timshel]

Isn't it maddening that people will post, text and twitter all day but find it hard to make time for face to face contact? What a phenomenon this is. I feel sometimes like I must live in the dark ages because I find this kind of relationship completely superficial and unfulfilling.

 

I guess in your case I would let her know that you'd love to get together if she can make time but your just not so into social media. It sounds like you don't want to hurt her feelings. That is a tough one since technically she hasn't done anything hurtful or wrong. Life is too short to suffer fools though so a boundary has to be laid down. Good luck!

[dragonfire13]

Timshel, it really is! I don't understand how this has become more fulfilling to people either...

 

I have indeed dropped several hints about my lack of interest in social media and told her to get in touch if and when she wants to hang out... yet the bombardment continues. That's what's so frustrating! I've just gotta continue with fade out I guess.

 

Thanks for the feedback guys

Edited October 29, 2014 by dragonfire13

[FoolishMan]

Social Media has revolutionized news but it is also to blame for tearing up the fabric of real friendship IMO. I had a disagreement with a friend and the thing she hit me with was she will take me off Facebook (which she duly did).

If that is her way of giving merit to a friendship, it is extremely shallow and pointless.

 

Facebook should rename "Friends" to "Associations". Not as touchy feely but it will help people realise that these contacts are mainly just contacts in the most part.

[SpiralOut]

Sometimes people don't get hints. Be more direct and tell her that you don't want to chat on social media anymore, that you will only respond to texts that involve making actual plans. Anything else, you will ignore. Then ignore anything inane. If she doesn't do anything different, she is making her own choice to not talk to you anymore.