Do you believe in unconditional friendship or friendship that lasts forever?

[Pad]

I have always valued friendship and idealized unconditional friendship that lasts forever. However, the people that I have been close to all seem not to value friendship and have let me down so I do not know what to expect now or whether or should I trust anyone from now onwards.

My first close friend was in college. She had a very strong relationship with her boyfriend, which was her life so she did not value friendship at all, and I was her only girlfriend. She did not stay in touch with me after college. Nor did she invite me for her wedding to that college boyfriend even though I had put up with all her crap and helped out her and her boyfriend in ways few people would.

After college, I had the best friendship I ever had with a girl who worshiped me. We told each other all the time that we loved each other. However, one day she completely let me down when she temporarily blocked me on FB for no valid reason (right after I was trying to compliment her!) Even though she unblocked me, I felt like our relationship was scarred and we fell out soon after.

Then after that, I became really good friends with this girl. She has always been there for me and invited me to everything. Yet, I found out a few days ago through our mutual friend that she was having a party that she did not invite me for.

So I really do not know what to expect with friendship from now onwards and whether to trust anyone.

Please give your feedback on what to expect from now onwards with friendship.

[evanescentworld]

I take friendships at face value.

I never get more intense in my friendships with people, than they do towards me.

In other words, I put in what I get out.

I'm not a 'people-pleaser' and I never expect from them more than they seem willing to give.

They're going to die, one day.

And so am I.

I'd rather spend that time making sure I can face myself in the mirror at night, rather than wishing others were something they're not.

[LuckyLady13]

I have a friendship over 25 years and still going with my best friend right now but I've gone through a few best friends before that. As you're starting to realize, friendships won't last forever in the way that you were thinking. I am a people pleaser, unlike evanescentworld, and so are my closest friends. We're mostly this way with each other. And I've got friendships right now over 10 years old. I start losing count after 10 years, nevermind 25.

 

But, you're talking unconditional and that's a huge mistake. None of my closest friends would EVER say our friendships are unconditional. There are plenty of conditions. Put work in, lots of time, as much effort as possible, never treat the other bad and never have a short temper with each other. Having a bad day is no excuse to treat a friend in a bad way.

 

I think if you realize how many conditions there really are in lasting friendships and start abiding by them, you'll be in much better shape!

[dragonfire13]

Honestly, I don't anymore. I had around 5 close girlfriends. All, except one, have turned into sh*t friends as soon as they got into a relationship. I can't respect women who ditch their mates as soon as they find a guy (I've had serious relationships, and even at my most loved up when the relationship was consuming a lot of my time, I missed my friends and made an effort to see them).

 

So I've ended up cutting them out. They barely notice/care.

 

It's sad that friendships, some of which have lasted 7-9 years, pale in comparison to a guy they've known for 5 minutes! But it is what is, and I can't have people like that in my people.

[Mysterio]

I think that all things are conditional when the circumstances permits. Certain friends have different ingridients.

 

For some reason. I can go months without talking to my friend K who lives in another city and we still click. My friend D who lives in the city who is 15 minutes away. We seem to have this drought where we don't talk for 3 months or so.

 

The only difference between K and D is that I feel like K and I are at a deeper level. D and I don't have deep conversations. As I see D just wrapped up with his digital entertainment. He really can't converse on a deep level. K is 43 and D is 38 turning 39 soon.

 

I at this time in my life. Can't have any murkiness or strife. If that means my friends are reduced in numbers and I have a small group of friends. So be it. I don't want to have friends that I don't interact with that live in the city, that can't make the effort with me.

 

At this stage I have about 16 friends and about 4 of them I am on shaky ground on. SA owes me Money, but thats being straighented out. MO, has not called me since he moved 15 minutes or so. Closer to me. VK and I had a falling out a year ago. DT has not called me in 3 months and he is the one that upsets me the most. Because I don't know what the problem is. Although I just called him the other day.

 

I guess it would be better to just write off DT/SA/MO/VK off. Yet I feel like if I do. I don't want that discarded attitude to rub off on my other friendships.

 

Out of all of them DT is the hardest to let go of. I just have to resolve things and come to an understanding that with DT. Friendship is a two way street. It should not be up to me to always be the driving force of getting together.

 

I also don't know if me not having a GF at the moment, makes me more frienship dependent. I try to do things on my own. I don't like to bombard my friends with always trying to do everything under the sun with them.