bluecrabroll Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Hi guys, I have a close female friend I've known for 3 years long distance. We were very close and have always been there for each other through relationship problems. We care a lot about each other and its been stated many times by both of us before. About 6 months ago we went on vacation together and I confessed my feelings to her but she rejected me, and soon after was dating someone else. Since then I've been getting my own space and we've cut back on talking (about once or twice a month) so that I can move on. Recently she contacted me cause she was going to be in town for the weekend and wanted to meet up. We talked and made plans like usual, like we had been friends for a long time. I was excited to see her, as I had moved on and missed our friendship and she felt the same. I even asked about her boyfriend but he could not go with her this time. We just made plans to hang out for the weekend. When she got here she was all excited for our plans, however the day I drove out to see her she told me that her meetings were going to be longer and she may not be able to meet up during the day and would try for dinner. Dinner time came and she asked to reschedule. This all sounds fine with me as I know it is for a business trip. I was annoyed a little because I drove two hours to see her and she only tells me about her schedule when I am halfway there. The following day I text her about our new dinner plans and I do not get any replies. Being upset I cancel our plans ( I spent 2 days out of town to be stood up) and let her know that I was upset that she did not provide me with any notice about the change in plans. I would have been ok if she let me know ahead of time that she was busy. I text her again a few hours later to which she replied and said something was wrong with her phone and she is extremely sorry, don't be mad and she is not ignoring me, she does not know whats going on. That was the last I heard from her and its been about 5 days. She's back in her town (3 days now) where I am sure she has better access to communications. I've tried calling her without a reply, I've texted her and emailed her as well. Absolute silence on her part. This is very uncharacteristic of her to disappear like this. She has never flaked out on me and there was nothing I did that would've upset her. Why would someone reach out to me to hang out and then do the opposite thing and never reply to my emails, phone calls or text? I'd assume that if we are close friends that care about each other some sort of attempt would have been made to contact me to square things away. At the least if she decided to not be friends with me anymore for some unknown reason it would've been nice to know since we have been close. Her last message was that she isn't ignoring me, but she is not responding to anything. What should I do? Did I do something wrong? When do I try again to reach her? I'm just so lost that someone would just not talk to me for no good reason. We're in our 30s. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 That sucks. Don't email, text or call her, let her contact you. I can see possibly her not getting texts or calls since she said her phone is acting up, but emails too? And still no reply after 5 days... Either she doesn't have the courage to communicate with you what is really going on inside of her and be honest and she's lied about the phone issue. Something feels off... Sorry you're hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 What should I do? Did I do something wrong? Were you in any way rude or nasty when you expressed your annoyance that she had cancelled on you? Read your message to her again, and any other messages you've left her after that. If you were a jerk about it originally or if you've been in any way curt with her since then, I could understand her avoiding you, either because she's pissed at the way you handled it, or she knows you haven't accepted her apology and she doesn't want to deal with a lecture from you, or something. If you've been perfectly polite about all this, then she's probably just ashamed that she stood you up in such a spectacular way and she's being a big coward about talking to you again. If you were a jerk, you might consider apologizing in a "Sorry I overreacted" kind of way. If not, send her a message about something other than the trip, something she can easily and happily respond to. "Hey, I just remembered you had that big review at work. How'd that go?" or whatever. If you still get nothing from her, you should probably just forget about this friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluecrabroll Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I do feel that something is off and I am trying patiently to wait and see what happens. I just don't want to lose a friend when I do not know the reason why. When everything overnight just seemed to go 180 degrees. She's always expressed how shes hated my exes for treating me badly and she would never do such things to guys... yet here I am. She's always considered me a close friend with a special bond. I did review my messages and initially I was very hurt and embarrassed. It took a lot to cancel dinner and drive myself home. I did tell her she blew me off and I deserve some respect with regards to a heads up as common courtesy and I was sarcastic once after her last message with regards to her ditching me. But after that I was just genuinely worried that something was up. I was sincere and polite in my emails and I apologized if I said anything the upset her. I know all I can do now is wait for her to reach out to me, but for how long before I just give up? We have no mutual contacts so I don't even know if something bad did happen. I only have her mother's phone number she gave to me during vacation in case something happened to her. ( I won't call mom don't worry) Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluecrabroll Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) Wow CC12 you were right. She was very upset and hurt by my angry comments. I think it took her back to the Past where she was hurt by an old ex. We talked it through and we both apologized. She still seemed angry at what happened base on other things she said... Like I'm happy, I don't need stress. I'll just give it some time for both of us to heal through this. The fact she eventually confronted me on everything was a big enough deal. Thanks Edited October 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Cleaned up. Link to post Share on other sites
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