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Tense relationship with my best friend


amkxoxo

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I was hoping to get some more feedback if I shortened my story. My roommate and I were best friends. We were from the same area back home and had a lot of fun together though we were vey different. Lexi always had a boyfriend and it would always be the same story. They would be long distance while lexi was in school and she would put in 100℅ while the guy would put in very little. I was always there for her since her boyfriends always lived in our home town. We would watch movies and hang out constantly. We were there for each other. When her boyfriends wanted to talk it was always on their terms and lexi would run and jump for them. Leaving me on the back burner. I was fine with it because I understood the importance of a boyfriend. I rarely ever had a guy in my life so I was always around.

 

Our second year I met a guy and fell for him. We started seeing each other and I was in that love is blind stage. Everything revolved around him (Logan) and us together. I was so happy to find someone. At first she seemed happy for me. I would always talk about him constantly and ask her advice on what to say or do when it came to Logan. Lexi was having problems with her boyfriend. I admit I wasn't there for her because I was all about Logan. After a while lexi seemed to be bitter and she started getting mad when I would ask for advice and would tell me not to ask anymore. She would act annoyed when I would talk about him and would imply me to not talk about him anymore.

 

I was hurt. I felt she wouldn't support me. I would spend a lot of my time with Logan. I liked him and I figured lexi would understand. One night I planned a date with Logan and left my phone in another room during it. All while lexi sent me an sos text about needing me and her boyfriend and her fighting. I didn't get the message until hours later and when I ran to her she was sitting drinking all my alcohol. I told her I was sorry. She understood and offered to pay for the alcohol she drank. Something came up where I owed her money. I asked if we could call it even since she owed me for the extensive alcohol. She got super mad and told me she wasn't going to pay my bill I owed her and wasn't going to pay back the alcohol costs. She even stooped low and told me since most of my alcohol were gifts she wasn't going to pay me for them back since I didn't buy them. I found this rude since most were birthday gifts and it hurt me. I would never do this. We had many arguments but ended up making amends. She felt I often ditched her for logan and wouldn't give her time. Sometimes maybe I wasn't there for her but I felt I wasn't getting aupport and happiness from her either. She didn't understand I liked him and was love struck. I also felt since she and her boyfriend were fighting a lot and having issues she was jealous of my nice new love. If he woukd call and she and I were hanging out she would run away to talk go him for hours and leave me all night by myself. And if she really wanted my time she could make plans with me ahead of time which she didn't. She was just so used to me being around all the time. But I had something new and happy in my life occupying my time.

 

We are still best friends and I know we love each other but our friendship isn't the same. I walk on eggshells around her and what I say. I get afraid to talk about guys and I feel like she and I are giving positive answers to each others issues instead of genuine answers. I was telling her about a guy I was dating recently. I held back a lot but she said "did you even kiss him?". I thought this was so rude. I told her yes of course. Like she thought I had some stupid crush only. No, this guy took me out and we dated. I feel like we talk general and not fun and honest like before. I want us to be good friends again. I miss our relationship. She was my best friend but now I have better girlfriends I talk to and am close to. I don't know how to make this better.

Edited by amkxoxo
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Try to find things that you & Lexi can do together for fun but as you work to rebuild the relationship don't talk about your romantic life with her.

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Neither one of you are acting right when it comes to just ditching everyone when the boyfriend is around. I would totally agree with the one thing you said about if someone wants to see you, they should make plans ahead of time. That goes for both of you. If you want to be friends, you make friend dates and don't break them no matter what the boyfriend is wanting you to do. You need to make that agreement now. For emergencies, the person won't always be there, but you can surely call each other at such times but not expect anyone to cancel plans and stay at home while you drink a fifth.

 

Both of you need to also expect the bf to make plans ahead of time and not let them just derail your plans at the last minute and do the same for him.

Edited by preraph
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Eternal Sunshine

It sounds like she is used to you being her sidekick while she has boyfriends and is always the centre of attention. Now that the tables have turned, she doesn't like it and is acting out. I would just move on.

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I still value our friendship.and having her in my life and she seems to as well. My family loves her too and she is a kind person. I just wish we could get past the tense too friendly everything is fine attitude. I wish we could be close and funny and tell each other everything beat friends. We still hangout and Want to see each other. I always ask about her boyfriend and have even gone out and been the thirdnwheel with them. I have brought up little things that happened in the past, some stuff she remembers but some stuff she claims to not remember. This to me shows she was probably going through a tough time with her boyfriend, which I knew. I just feel like we don't rely and trust each other anymore.

 

Like I had mentioned before I rarely dated men. When I do truly like someone I do jump a bit for them and make them a priority. I have since realized that doing this is okay but to an extent. And I get the good balance of it now. But from what I know and have seen in others wanting your guy to be a priority and around all the time is normal. My other girlfriens said she would have been totally understanding of wanting to be with Logan all the time. Because I like him. Lexi couldn't handle me not being around constantly like I was. Like to me its understandable to have your guy over your friend. Not ditching your friends but your guy trumps your friends. You should sit near your guy and call him and run for him more than others. But keeping your friends around is important and its good to have friends to stay balances and healthy and be able to hang and talk to people. But you kiss a guy and fall asleep next to him and its a great emotional and physical bond. I do think lexi might have been a bit jealous of logan and I as well. Her boyfriend barely talked to her and they were fighting where I was all haply and love struck. I think its unfair to be this way when your going through a rough time yourself. Like Lexi's boyfriend was coming to town one weekend. His name was Kevin. We made this whole plan with the four of us to do fun things. She was excited as was I. Logan was down with whatever I wanted.

 

For one. Kevin was suppose to come Thursday night and we were all going to make dinner togethr. The two guys and lexi and I. Well kevin decided to party it up all Thursday and he didn't come until Friday evening. At this point I think lexi didn't know what was going on so logan and I made our own plans and just hung out and just went with the day. Then when Kevin came he was hungry and wanted to eat asap. Lexi and kevin decided to go to the store and asked if we wanted to go. Logan and I spent time discussing what we wanted to buy or eat. While we were away lexi and kevin left without us and started cooking without us too. It was rude. They didn't even give us time. We didn't fit in with their plan. When kevin broke all the plans by his own. Then they went to the movies without us so logan and I just did our own thing. The next day I was with logan all day. Lexi came into my room and told me she and kevin were going to the beach. I figured this was an invite and td her to wait a second so I could run and ask logan if he wanted to come. All while lexi left and came back telling me how kevin doesnt want anyone else to come especially logan. I found this extremely rude. All while I had been packing my room for days. We had to move out. I was all packed. Lexi hadn't packed at all. Apparently kevin didnt like logan when they talked for all of 5 minutes. Makes no sense. The next day was moving day. Lexi was panicked. My parents showed up to help me. All my stuff being packed all I had to do was to load my car. Lexi was frantic and annoyed that she hadn't packed but she was blaming everyone else. She even took a midday nap instead of packing because she was tired. Like what? Untik this day she will balme it on everyone that she was so stressed that day. But the point of this is that lexi told me kevin was miserable and not fun that weekend. But I feel she often lashed out on me because she didn't want her boyfriend to be mad and leave her. That's not fair and I would never do that.

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