Those of you who became friends with ex's

[ponchsox]

After you took some time off after the relationship ended and started to hang out as friends. How did it go? Was it fulfilling for you after being in a relationship with that person? What is awkward at first? Did one person seen to have feelings left over?

[preraph]

I think how much activity you can have depends strictly on each different circumstance. The one I "hung out" with the most, our relationship was never so simple as to be girlfriend/boyfriend because he had some issues, so he held me at arm's length sexually for the most part. But jealousy existed on both sides, we hung in the same circle and avoidance would have meant one or the other of us cutting off from doing anything.

 

It probably wasn't easy for him when I abruptly met another guy, even though we weren't together except as friends at that point, but I loved him right up until I met the other guy and it was like a light switch. Visions of him climbing over tables to come to where I was sitting cuddling with the new guy just to see if he could take the spotlight back.

 

Later, after that was all over and his big miserable next love affair was all over, he came and stayed with me a few days to cry on my shoulder, but I hit the wall emotionally since all it did is make me remember how effing miserable he had made me feel -- and that finally dawned on him one day and he apologized. Meanwhile, his psycho girl was calling like a grade-schooler and saying "X marks the spot," as if everyone in our circle didn't know where he was, and best we can tell, burnt his room down, using my old Valentine as the igniter and then laying it in plain view with the one corner burned.

 

Not long after, he followed his band mate to LA. I have seen him maybe once or twice a decade since then. I do think he wanted to get something started (he finally sorted out his "problem") but I was having hot flashes over an older flame by then and nearly 50 years and not wanting to move in with his teenager. Plus he was a little old-womany by then, telling me where to park, etc., and not quite as charming as he once was, and he was still repititious saying this script in his head he'd always said about liking ballerinas, and that was tiresome back then and to hear him still fantasizing about it decades later, very tiresome.... He's alcoholic and now this prevents himfrom maintaining any friends who disapprove, so haven't seen him in awhile but will always care about him deeply.

 

Another ex I am friends with, we mostly are just e-mail, no hanging out, even though we're in the same town. He is married with kids. His wife is nice. I was hugely mad at him for 10 years more about career than anything, but we had a ton of water under the bridge and craziness on both sides, and just some insurmountable issues. I finally made peace within myself and he seemed relieved to start keeping up with each other again. I think if I ever really needed anything, he'd be there for me.

 

One ex I can only be acquaintance with, but he's part of my old crowd and we're friendly (while his wife scowls) on the rare occasions we'd be in the same place at the same time, which is never anymore because I quit going out for the most part. But we were great friends before we tried dating and it was never the same after. There was resentment.

 

So you can't always do it, and only certain types of people can do it. But I think the single most important thing is you shouldn't even TRY to do it until you are no longer in love with them. You need to move on first or it would just implode.

[Miss Clavel]

i don't stay in contact with any ex's.

[Arieswoman]

Neither do I

[Forever Learning]

It really depends on the persons involved. I have been friends with an ex for 25 years now, we were together for 7 years in our late teens/early 20's. I think he and I will always be casual friends, but he is a very going guy is why we are able to be friends. Other ex's, not possible to be friends due to their temperament......

 

 

Many times No Contact is much healthier and friendship is not helpful for the healing process.

[Haydn]

Friends with a few ex`s from Uni and school. Girls i grew up with and have the same mates. We all meet up for beers and stuff and laugh at each other.

 

Other ex`s, no chance. Have no desire to know anything about them.

[danny345]

I think it better not to stay touch. Too awkward to deal with and why put your new love through that? Now, if youre single and re-connecting with an Ex, that's way different.

[elpatron]

For me its going well. I do find it to be a very fulfilling friendship now. We are currently good friends, more like family. It really was a little awkward at first, I was the one with the lingering feelings. Adjusting to the loss of intimacy and companionship was the biggest thing for me. We didn't really have a defined period of time off, but we were distant for a few months. Now that I think about it I'm glad I made the effort with this one ex, she is now married and i'm happy for her. But there are others that I wouldn't have thought the same about.

[Mysterio]

My ex who I went out with in June of 2012 and broke up in Nov 2012, seems to have a problem with our friendship. She want to end it or discuss things.

 

To me this is crazy as we are not having any problems as far as I am concerned. So I am meeting with her in Nov to work this out. I think she is mad at something else and want to take it out on me. So this friendship might end if I sense this is just hormones acting up. I have not made any romantic gestures to her. I see her but its more like bouncing between 6 to 8 weeks. To me she is moody and I don't gravitate towards that at all.