Should I end this friendship?

[Atticus9292012]

I have a guy friend I have posted about before. We had a physical relationship a long time ago, but after several months we put it behind us and resumed a friendship. I had quit dating someone and we started hanging out a lot. I thought he was dating someone, but they broke up. We probably hang out one to two times a week. To me this is a lot for a casual guy friend. Well we went out one night and met up with a guy friend of his and ended up staying out all night. I passed out at his house and we ended up sleeping in the same bed. We cuddled all night, but nothing happened. We hung out the next day and I had a little too much to drink and tried to kiss him. He basically was like "can't you just leave it alone." I got mad and started asking all of these questions. He looked at me and said he is attracted to me and likes me, but is convinced it wouldn't work between us. I felt so stupid. I left. He tried to keep me from leaving for obvious reasons. I had no business driving. We didn't talk for a few days after that. I sent a text apologizing and things have been normal ever since. Well, he asked me to hang out Monday night. I had my son so I initially declined. He said he was making dinner and we could stop by if we wanted. I figured it wouldnt hurt to stop by. I planned it so it would be a quick visit. It's never like that with him. We ended up eating dinner with him and hanging out for 3 or 4 hours. This was a first meeting for him and my son. I was really nervous about it, but he was amazing with my child. I don't bring my child around too many of my friends, because at 27 most of them don't get what life with a toddler is all about. He was so sweet with him and it just melted my heart. Towards me, the whole night he kept putting his arm behind me on the couch and flirting with me. I tried not to respond based on the awkward night we had when I tried to kiss him. I just tried to brush this all off as he genuinely cares about me and being my friend and that's it. After Monday night, I want more from this matter what I do. Should I stop hanging out with him? He clearly doesn't want to date me and I am not sure if I can respect that and keep it platonic.

[preraph]

If you're sure he was flirting (guys sometimes do that arm thing out of habit), then just be patient and see what he's up to. I wouldn't start hitting him with a bunch of questions, though. Just wait and see if he's leading up to anything or not. Meanwhile, don't give your kid false hope this man will always be there. It breaks kids' hearts when people come and go. It's best to not let them be around them much unless there's a commitment. Don't get drunk around him because you might lose control again. Really, if you lose control because of drinking, best to not drink because he may like the sober you and hate the drunk you.

[Atticus9292012]

Oh I know what you're saying about my kid meeting him. That was a big part of my reluctance to take him over there and why I'd planned it to be a short visit...but time got away from me and we were having a good time. I have also wondered if he was flirting or not. We have a lot of mutual friends and Ive never seen him act like he does with me around them. He randomly touches me for no reason...like Monday night he put his hand in my hair when his arm was behind me and he scooted close enough to me that our legs were touching. He stares into my eyes for long periods of time. I kept looking away Monday when he did this. I just wonder if maybe he is like that because we have had sex before?

[preraph]

Yes, it might be because you had sex before, so he's relaxed. it might be yes, he's attracted to you, of course, but he's leery about you because of things in the past and is taking it slow but seeing how it goes. You should just relax and see how it goes. If he gets ready to make a move, I imagine he is confident enough to either do that or talk to you about if that's what you want. I mean, once a guy would say to me "Can't you just leave it alone," I'd never kiss them again, but I don't know exactly what all went on between you two. It might be all he's working up to is seeing if you'd put up with friends with benefits without wanting more, so just be aware that's one possibility. I wouldn't agree to that since you are obviously pretty involved emotionally. Just wait and see if he tries anything. If he does, then you can ask what's on his mind and find out what his plan is.

[Atticus9292012]

We casually dated for a little while. It was going really well and then he told me he wasn't ready for anything serious and I was the kind of girl he could be serious with. I continued to see him for awhile after that because I honestly didn't know what I wanted, but no sex after that point. He was super weird about it. He kept saying he felt wrong doing that not pursuing a relationship with me (I know this guy has had one night stands and fwbs, etc. so this seemed odd.) We did make out a little during this period. He finally told me we just needed to be friends. In his defense I went back and forth a lot with whether I could be his friend. Things eventually got weird and stayed that way for months. We've only been hanging out as friends for a couple months since I broke up with another guy. He randomly dropped his girlfriend when I became single again....not gonna lie I thought it had something to do with me, but apparently this was a coincidence or maybe not I don't know.

 

Yeah I don't plan on trying anything. He'd have to do it. That night was so embarrassing and well I think at this point it would be disrespectful.

[preraph]

He must have some reason he is afraid to commit or get really in deep and intimate with a woman. I doubt him dropping the woman was completely random. Probably he'd been looking for an excuse to, and....

 

Does he have loving parents, or are there problems in his past that might make it hard for him to love?

[Atticus9292012]

He has a really good relationship with his parents and family in general. He talks about getting married and having kids all the time so I know he wants these things. He also told me it had been 5 years since hed had a long term seriouals relationahip.There are a couple things that I suspect are why. He has ocd, terets, and anxiety, which he is medicated for (my therapist jokes about him being the portrait of the DSM-V). A guy friend we both know told me once that my friend was in love with me, but was convinced couldn't have a real relationship because of his issues. I gave this little to no value, because the person that said it loves to stir up trouble. I also dont really buy this, because we have talked openly about the mental health stuff. I also know that he had a girlfriend that died suddenly and suspiciously and my therapist surmises this may be an issue with why he can't get too close to someone. Apparently he had planned to marry this girl. I have never asked about this, because he told a female friend of ours in confidence. It makes it really messy that we have so many mutual ffriends too by the way. I run into him fairly often aside from us hanging out individually.