"Real" Friends

[lyndaaxo]

I'm going through a stage in my life where I'm re-evaluating who I let be in my life and its making me question how many real friends I actually have.

 

The last couple of years I've been going through a tough time and it seems like as that progresses I have less people around me that I can turn to... Maybe they're bored of dealing with my issues, maybe we're just not compatible as friends. Who knows! It may just be this thing called adulthood.

 

My question is, out of curiousity, how many "real" friends do you have? Those you know will be there no matter what?

[d0nnivain]

I have always been extremely blessed in that department. I have a number of friends (probably 10, maybe as high as 15) for whom I will drop anything & who will be there for me when the chips are really down. Many of us are spread out but when we are needed we get on planes or at the very least call. My husband is amazed at the lengths we will go to for each other & he has learned by example. Last year one of his friends died in a horrible accident; he got on a plane two days later to be there for the widow & his other buddies.

[lyndaaxo]

I have always been extremely blessed in that department. I have a number of friends (probably 10, maybe as high as 15) for whom I will drop anything & who will be there for me when the chips are really down. Many of us are spread out but when we are needed we get on planes or at the very least call. My husband is amazed at the lengths we will go to for each other & he has learned by example. Last year one of his friends died in a horrible accident; he got on a plane two days later to be there for the widow & his other buddies.

 

Aww that is lovely! I hope more people have a group of friends like yours!

[Mysterio]

I am going through the same thing with certain friends. I am at a point where there are some friends that are phasing into acquaintances. At this stage. I only want warm close friends where we are on a regular basis. We have personable conversation and be less superficial. I don't want to just talk about TV/Pop Culture.

 

What I am learning is that we don't have to be friends with everyone that we meet. I feel like certain people should stay acquaintances.

[Always Pondering]

Friends come and go but I've always held my best friends close to me. I feel it's natural that people can grow apart over time and it's just a part of life. As a matter of fact I've recently stopped spending time with someone I used to be best friends with because he's become very lazy, has no interest in anything besides video games, and our moral compasses conflict.

 

I have hundreds of acquaintances, plenty of close friends who I talk to and spend time with regularly, and about four or five friends who I've grown with. I'm still fairly young, attending university and exploring what life has to offer though so that number is bound to change within the years to come.

[Missy0724]

Yes, people do come and out of our lives. That can friends of the same sex, romantic relationships, even family members. This is reality and a part of life! I'm 47 and have many many people over the years enter my life, depart. Some easily, some not so easily/with pain.

 

I don't believe it's the quantity of "true" friends you have. It is the quality, and when you have one, you will know it, never question it. I am blessed to have two GF's like that. One of almost 40 years, another over 10 years. And I have other friends (not "best friends, as those two are) that if needed (even though we don't talk as much, hang out, we all have our lives, etc.) they would be there for me, and I for them. My sister is also one of my best friends, as is her husband.

 

I was also in the military years ago, so those people are my "brothers" and "sisters" and will be for life, even though we live all across the country and world and don't have much contact. We stay in contact via FB, email, etc. And same - if needed, they would be there... It's a nice feeling. Very blessed.

 

But who do I turn to the most? Those two best GF's. And if I only had them, life would still be pretty damn good. :-)

 

And everyone must remember: To have a friend, you must be a friend. :-)

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Gosh, the odd thing about friends... some of the best friends I had were very unexpected.

 

When I had stability I had friends, when I found myself not so stable, they were few and far between.

 

You can look at it as busy lives, friends don't want to be dragged down, though I never felt needy even if I had been down and out. As I never asked anything from anyone.

 

But at a time when I just wanted to get away from it all, and did not care, and odd mix of peeps and even a ex-con befriended me as if I was part of their community. Never expected anything from me but acceptance.

 

I think acceptance is an odd term. As many expect it, they only get a segment. I guess by the status I showed them, and in accepting the location and the people who frequent, they felt easier to accept me.

 

I never thought of them being lower class, being a white collar hanging with blues was not an everyday occurrence.

 

I always was one to mix with others, even if they may seem undesirable to the general public. Though the only thing undesirable I found about them is how they lived.

[moie]

Real friends would put their lives on hold for you. Everyone else is are just acquaintances

[Double D]

I would say I have 3 real friends.

 

I am currently re-evaluating what friendship means after a break-up with my ex best friend.

 

I am starting to see that life is a journey and people do come in and out of your life as you go and this can be very sad but once you can get to the stage of appreciating meeting said people it makes it slightly easier to let go and enjoy the next chapter of your life.

[Yasuandio]

It is about to come down to zero very soon, as I have determined with help of therapist that remaining close friend is also crossing boundaries. I must begin selecting friends that will not cross bounderies, and too, I must stand by my bounderies much better. This is a new life learning lesson for me. It calls for a particular criterion for those that I allow into my life and home. That includes any future SO as well.

 

I am breaking the pattern of giving, giving and giving indiscriminately - whilst, happily, receiving absolute nothing in return. This pattern has even extended itself in how I do simple business - and I have been recently ripped off because I trusted workers, paid upfront like a trusting generious fool, and the jobs didn'tt get done. This really hurt financially losing $1900 on a tree cutting job that I paid 50% up front on, and continued making payments everytime they showed up - cause I felt grateful. Well I learned my lesson big time, because there is a huge disaster in my yard, because I finally lost my temper with these dudes - and they walked, cause they had most the money.

 

So, now Im doing the walking. And it seems that I have eliminated one friend at a time in the last year for good cause, even a 15 year year friendship. This situation is concurrent with the end of my divorce, perhaps it could be looked at as "starting over" with a more healthy type of friends, or a new history. Or - better no friends than problematic friends. Growth if you will. No matter, each decision has been thoughly discussed and analyzed with therapist - and has helped my life get easier and less dramatic (away from people that drink too much, or pressure me to excessively perform my talents without pay, for example). Yas

[Kid_Charlemange]

My question is, out of curiousity, how many "real" friends do you have? Those you know will be there no matter what?

 

One, maybe two.

 

First one is a guy I've known since high school. He was my best man at my second wedding.

 

Second one is a dude I've known since college. Was always a good guy, if a little confused, until he found his calling as a minister a few years ago. I know that if I were in crisis he would be there for me, even though he lives hundreds of miles away.

 

Thought I had more... but this year has shown some of them in their true colors.

 

I guess I'm lucky to have two...

[Toodaloo]

2.

 

I have many acquaintances but only 2 real friends that I feel comfortable asking for real help from.

 

Most others would scratch the surface a bit and thats fine but I only have 2 that I "let in" fully and feel comfortable with just being myself. I am "on guard" with pretty much everyone else.

[me85]

I went through that stage a few years ago too. I'm 29 and sadly I only have one good friend but we hardly ever talk at all and a while back he admitted to having a crush on me. /= So really, I don't even consider our friendship to be a true friendship because we never talk or hang out (and I suspect he has ulterior motives to being my friend) but he is a good guy.

 

So, nope! Just me and my dog. I'm perfectly fine with that. As you get older you start to realize that you'd much rather have no friends at all than to have fake friends around. I've collected more acquaintances than true friends over the years but I'm still hopeful to find a BFF again. (= I miss having a close girl friend. I get along better with guys and usually have always been best friends with just mostly guys but they all ended up developing feelings for me that I didn't feel for them (or in some cases, I did) and it made it weird and didn't work out so I got double the loss...of both a friendship and a "bf." So I think I'll pursue a female BFF the next go round. LOL

Edited September 29, 2014 by me85

[bastus]

got few "real friends" several years ago , now? most of them already moving out for better life and losing contact , but i managed to keep one of them, we're not meet and talk all the time like we used to be on past , he is single father with a boy , but at least i believe we still have those same closeness even we're just chatting via internet nowadays ,once for every few weeks..