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my best friend backstabbed me and lied about it


amkxoxo

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So I already posted on this topic but I wanted to shorten my situation in hopes that people will be more perceptive to my post. So my roommate Rosie and I started college as ransom roommates and grew into friends. I was very mature and independent while she thought she was those things but she was very foreign to living on her own. She didn't drive cook or clean ever. And that's what college basically is. Our first year we met another girl named Emily. I thought Emily was very nice. She had a weird on and off dating fling with a guy and in the end she told us he was a jerk. Our second year Emily ditched us to live with some other girls. I was kind of hurt but Rosie not so much. We got another roommate ourselves and she and I became very close. Rosie did not like her. Emily met a guy at our college and they dated for many months. She slept with him and he seemed like a great guy to me. Down to earth and humble. They had some issues and she made it seem like they were working things out together.

 

Suddenly she hated him. They were over and she accused him of being a cheater and a liar. A month later he had a new girlfriend and it seemed she was right. I remember telling her that I couldn't believe he would do it. I truly didn't think he cheated on her. But she persisted to hate him and spread nasty rumors. She was a friend so I believed her.

 

A year later his girlfriend left him and he and I were neighbors. We got to talking and he helped me with some school work. He was the nice funny guy I remember and we hit it off. We started flirting and texting a lot. Then hanging out. I started to fall for him. We started casually dating. Rosie my roommate seemed to he very adverse to my situation with him. She showed disdain for me dating him since he allegedly hurt our friend. I understood where she was coming from and figured they only dated a few months and she hated him so it wasn't a big deal plus she had been with guys since and he with his girfriend. I didn't immerse her near him as to not hurt her. She always seemed to not want anyone she hated for us to associate with she wouldnt say it but it was clear. I told Rosie to keep her mouth shut about us because I wanted to tell my friend Emily myself if he and I got serious like a mature person. She kept making little digs about it.

 

He eventually told me what happened when he dated Emily. He told me she wasn't his usual type but she liked him a lot so he gave her a go. He dumped her when he met another girl he liked a lot better and he openly told her so. She led us to believe they were working things out when in reality he dumped her and she was just jealous he was seeing someone else. She ruined his reputation over it. I ended up finding out from a friend that the guy a year before that didbt do anything wrong either and she spread rumors about him too. I started realizing that emily wasn't as nice as I thought. I asked Rosie many times if she told emily and she said no. But for some reason all of our friends ended up knowing. I had to Blame my roommate who saw he and I together...I blamed Rosie.

 

She started treating the guy very badly when he would come over to our place and he was so nice to her. Would talk to her and try to joke with her. She acted rude. My guy even told me that he would go to parties and see Emily. He told me emily was drunk and would be all nice to him and try to sit on his lap. But when she wasn't drunk she was rude to him. His stories made more sense than hers. He filled in the blanks. I didn't sleep with him either and he liked me a lot claiming I was way more his type than her. And that they had nothing in common. She must have been jealous. I ended up finding out that Rosie my roommate spilled the beans to Emily the whole time. She would report to her with things she witnessed he and I doing and a lot of stuff was misconstrued and lies. She would overhear he and I arguing or something and run back and tell emily. When most of the time later that day he and I were fine. I hated that she spread rumors about me. When I was so loyal to her and a great friend. Emily didn't want to live with her. Emily apparently said mean things about me too. All the while hearing lies from emily to make her say thus things. I am so betrayed. I didn't do anything wrong. He and I lasted a good 8 months. Rosie lied to my face even when I told her people told me of her telling. She still claimed she didn't say anything to anyone. The funniest was that another friend of mine even sent me a typed conversation about it. Where Rosie spills everything and they trash talk me. After I finally confronted rosie and she lied to me she acted as though I was the one who hurtbyer. She ignored me and wouldn't look at me. Even when I was dating someone new she was still running her mouth. I was telling a friend on the phone about a new guy I met. She must have heard me in our dorm because at graduation people told me they heard I was dating someone from her. What the heck!!!! I am no longer friends with emily or rosie and it hurts every day. Who does that? I didn't deserve that. I invested so much into her and our friendship and in the end of it I even asked if WS could work through it. She again denied her saying anything thus lying to me and then told me she didn't think she had enough time for it. Wow.

Edited by amkxoxo
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Lernaean_Hydra

I'm sorry but I can't really sympathize with you all that much here. You weren't exactly as loyal to her as you think you were either. You dated a guy she not only used to date, but had a bad breakup with and was most likely cheated on by FOR EIGHT MONTHS largely behind her back. Hell, she had been on again/off again with him for how long before you met them?

 

Not only that but you seem to have strongly sided with his version of events in all things and went right along with it. He tells you he dumped your good friend because he found someone he liked better - *cough* cheater *cough* and your reaction was to...date him?

 

It's likely that she was still carrying a torch for him but even if she wasn't, general Girl Code pretty much makes it clear you don't date each others exes.

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You mentioned loyalty in your post. I'm having a hard time understanding how you stand by that perception of yourself.

 

For one, if you considered Emily your friend and you were interested in her ex, the right thing to do would have been to talk to Emily as soon as you started texting/flirting and even hanging out with the ex, especially knowing she was still harboring hurt and feelings for him. Instead it got to the point of you falling for this guy and yet you still kept that information to yourself without ever considering what would happen if word got out and how she would feel about the idea of you hanging out/dating her ex and hearing it from third parties.

 

Secondly, you seem to suddenly side very much with this guy. His words were gospel. The fact that he said he dumped her when he found someone better wasn't enough for you to maybe suspect that he was most likely cheating behind her back and what's worse, you decided to date him!

 

Regardless of what Rosie did, your behavior was less than acceptable as well.

Edited by Zahara
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Each persons perspective needs to be addressed objectively and not from one corner of the room.

 

I will say this, Its discerning when friends back stab. I feel for you on that level. In turn though you are exhibiting the same habits in your post. (Tit for Tat method)

 

Perhaps since you made it clear you are no longer friends, you can adjust some of your new wisdom and move on in life. In essence you learned a valuable lesson and that is all that can be said.

 

Hope you grew from this in a positive light, sometimes we can learn from others poor choices...sometimes we have to experience it...

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I think some of the events have been misinterpreted. She dated him for like 2 months. When they started to have problems. She never told us he broke up with her. So she led us to believe they were still together. And then a month later he had a new girlfriend which made it seem like he was a cheater. She kept telling us they were working things out, without mentioning that he called her and broke it off permanently. They were never official. She was mad he didn't want her. Understandable. He and I dated for 8 months not Emily and him. He told me that he called her and broke things off permanently, when he started talking to a girl from his class. He told me that he had been cheated on in the past and would never want anyone to feel the way he did. He said he called to break it off with her right away. No working things out. He told her he wanted to be friends and she continued to try and win him back. She got mad when he started dating someone else. His words and timing made so much more sense. She lied about all of it. Why would he have dumped her on the phone if he wanted to see her and the other girl. Makes no sense. He could have been cheating all that time.

 

 

He and I weren't serious. He and I only hung out in the comfort of my dorm or his dorm. The only people who knew were his roommates and my roommates. I didn't feel the need to tell her right away since he and I weren't girlfriend and boyfriend. If I felt he and I were getting more serious, such as him coming to friend events where she would be I was going to sit and talk with her. I told Rosie this, but she went behind my back and told Emily anyway. That made me look like a jerk to Emily, like I was lying and I wasn't. If someone asked I would have told them that he and I were seeing each other. I wanted to be the mature one to sit down and tell her so there wouldn't be hard feelings. But I didn't get the chance, because Rosie is a horrible friend. Suddenly Rosie and Emily were best friends. Emily could care less about her. I took care of her when she was sick, drunk, etc... I wanted to live with Rosie. Emily didn't care if Rosie had a ride to work or the grocery store. I did. And I get shafted for meeting someone I liked a lot and trying to be happy. Emily dates a lot of men. A lot. And a lot of times they don't work out and then what, that guy is off limits. Its ridiculous. Its like half the men I know.

Edited by amkxoxo
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It's never good form to go out with a guy your friend had any kind of bf relationship with. I get that when you're college age things change very quickly. We had some skirmishes over men in my dorm, even though the guy told all of us he wasn't planning on being with one particular one of us and liked us all, but one girl laid claim to him, the whole time him telling her outright he liked all of us, and then got mad when someone else got in the middle of him. That's one thing. But if someone had a bf/gf relationship or one that lasted a few months, you don't get in the middle of that. Number one, it's disloyal and hurtful to your friend and makes her life an emotional complicated mess. Number 2, it shows disrespect in that you apparently don't believe her when she told you what he's like. He's a jerk to be trying to date you and vice versa.

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I understand why it may have not been smart to date someone my friend dated. I have had friends who have been in year long relationships. I would never date their ex. They were serious and in a long meaningful relationship and I would never betray that. I also dated a guy my freshmen year of college for two months. He then went on to date a girl who is a good friend of mine now. Because I was not a jealous or mad person, I was happy for not only hi, but her for getting with him. In my mind Emily dated him for like two months. Barely anything. She has slept with other guys and dated other guys. Its not like as soon as they broke up I jumped on him. He was in a relationship for a year after Emily with another girl, and then he and I started talking. He was always generally honest with me when it came to Emily. He told me what actually happened and when he would see her out at parties he would tell me. He told me she was flirt with him and sometimes try and convince him to come back to her dorm with her. So much for her hating him. He told me he would humor her drunk self and then he would always leave and come home to me. Like when it came out that he and I were dating Emily immediately went on social media and dis-added him on all outlets. Like what did he do to her at that point? She immediately went around bad mouthing him again after a year. Like get over it.

 

 

I am free to judge people for myself. I understand he might have hurt her. I have been hurt before, but I got to know him for me. He was always nice, kind, and honest with me. Though we had other issues that led to us splitting. I don't regret being with him because at the time he made me happy. I am always the biggest supporter of my friends. Always the last one to get the guy. Always the happiest for my friends when they get the guy. For once I forgot about everyone else and just put me first.

Edited by amkxoxo
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Actions and words are still coming back to haunt you. What part did you play in this riff? I'm too old to listen to girls fighting over dolls...and that is what this boils down too. Accept your part in this riff and be civil in your talk of others. It reflects poorly when gossiping. Be the better person.

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