Jump to content

Married Women/Single Women


Recommended Posts

Hello all

Question for the ladies... how many of you single women have been able to remain friends with other women after they got married? Or have you been consistently dropped by them like you have a contagious disease as soon as they were hitched? This has been my experience... but for some reason people like to pretend this doesn't happen. It's like the subject is taboo.

 

 

My whole adult life my "friends" have been mostly male... at least until they decided they wanted more, whereby the friendships would inevitably crash and burn if I didn't reciprocate those feelings... as a single woman trying to have friends of either gender it seems you can't win for losing. I feel my only hope would be to get married, finally, or be alone in all ways forever...

 

 

How many of you other single ladies can relate?

Edited by Fair
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

A bit.

 

As soon as (female) friends have even got as far as boyfriends they have wondered off. They often end up coming back again when they are single or un-fullfilled and want to winge and bitch about their other halves...

 

I do have a couple of fantastic friends who are the absolute best. Both are married/ in long term relationships and I get on very well with their partners as well. If they are not there and I need someone their partners will step up to temporarily fill the void until they can be there again.

 

Peoples lives change. Their priorities move on to other things.

 

As for the guy thing. No that has not been common with me. Its happened once with a chap I was very good friends with and he wouldn't take no for an answer so I have to go No Contact. I am actually really annoyed about it as I have continually say no and made it absolutely clear that I just want friendship from him but last time I saw him I had my ass slapped and a couple of "accidental" boob brushes... I wasn't standing that close. Now I have lost a good friend because he will not accept boundaries. I am gutted about it in all honesty but I am not going to contact him again. Again many of my friends are male but I don't look at them in that way and I am pretty damn sure they don't look at me in that way either.

 

I always wished I could be part of a group of girls and have more girlfriends. Just hasn't happened. I miss that. Guys have no clue about clothes, shoes, make up etc... I am now finding that I am having to try and get this information from shop assistants etc because I have no clue either!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I never lost a friend because that person got married. They may have disappeared for a little while but there were always calls, or e-mails. How we interacted changed & it took a little more scheduling to get together but we remained friends.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel I have lost a friend from that. If they have jealous husbands, they don't want their wives to go do anything with them no matter how innocuous and make life miserable for them if they do. This friend was a truly good friend. We lived together a few places and explored together. She had a habit if getting jealous possessive alcoholic boyfriends. The last one she had 3 kids with and she just dumped me entirely then but truly she was worthless as a friend way before that with her husband getting stinking drunk any time I'd come in town to visit her for an hour or two. I remain very disappointed in her. In her defense, she probably inherited her mother's mental illness, which could have been schizophrenia or bipolar back before much was known about it, and it may have set in in her 30s and contributed to some of the problems. But to throw away a friendship as rich as ours was -- unforgivable.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Contingent on the age group, it does happen.

 

Sorry to hear of this experience for you.

 

Hardest lessons came way after the opportunity has presented itself. The frivalous things that took away from what really matters. Our time is limited...

genuine friends embrace change and support it mostly....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello all

Question for the ladies... how many of you single women have been able to remain friends with other women after they got married? Or have you been consistently dropped by them like you have a contagious disease as soon as they were hitched? This has been my experience... but for some reason people like to pretend this doesn't happen. It's like the subject is taboo.

 

OMG!!! So I am not the only one? I feel that the fact that I was never married has had a huge impact on my friendships. I hardly have any friends, it's like I am an alien for not being married. And on top of that I have no kids!

I think other women look at me like someone who is not "complete".

 

Two very good friends of mine dumped me when we were around 30. They never said it explicitly but it felt like they somehow thought I was not living a serious enough life because I had not bought a house yet and not yet found a man to share my life with.

 

Funny thing is that in the mean time I did a serious upgrade, going back to college and get a degree and have a very good career. Have my own place and plan to buy a holiday home in some years.

 

It's been 20 years since they dumped me but it still hurts. I so regret all the life experiences that we never could share. But it was their choice not mine.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
I never lost a friend because that person got married. They may have disappeared for a little while but there were always calls, or e-mails. How we interacted changed & it took a little more scheduling to get together but we remained friends.

 

Me either. I always give my girlfriends space when they get involved with a man or after they get married. They do the same for me. We are happy to see each other when we do have time to get together.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle

Friendship, just like any other relationship requires reciprocation for it to work and especially for it to last the long haul. That doesn't mean you have to talk every day or see each other once a week like clockwork but it does mean you have to give as much as you take.

 

Although I haven't lost a friendship JUST on the basis of someone getting married, I have seen friendships dwindle or go through the slow fade as a result of complacency.

 

As far as I've always seen it, if those friendships ended so unceremoniously they weren't worth having in the first place. Those people I consider to be my greatest friends will and have always found a way to stay connected no matter their circumstances and vice versa.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've experienced first hand how "friends" stopped communicating with me as much after they got boyfriend and or married.

 

Since I experienced that more than a few times in my life, I now prefer to be around be people who share the same RS status as me. I've always had a variety of friends but as I've grown older and have settled down quite a bit I find that I'm happier having other single friends...and who are my own age. All my life I hung out with the older crowd, much older than me (4+ years as a teenager then 10+ years in my late teens up until now) who were all mostly married and had kids. A few years ago I felt like I needed a change in my life and a different crowd. (mainly due to the drama they caused) So I started hanging out with people more around my age and who were mostly unmarried. By doing that, I found there was A LOT less drama in my life.

 

When girls get married before their friends most of them do change. Suddenly they act older and wiser...they automatically act like they know so much more about RSs than their single friends because ooooohhhh they're a wife now and it's like, "Seriously?? WTH?"

 

As a single person (even if you're still really close to a friend who is married) I mean, even if you're still close I think you do lose some of the connection after they get married. For sure. Because their priorities have changed. They're a wife now...they're a mom now...all of that. They can't spend as much time with you or talk to you as much for obvious reasons. I always understood and never took it personally but after a lifetime of hanging out with older people who of course reached certain levels in life before me (such as marriage) I made a nice change for myself by having less friends and who were also single like me and my own age.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

This doesn't seem to happen to men. They never suddenly "have no time" for their men friends because they get married and have a family... and they don't have a problem with keeping their single male friends around. But with a woman it's different... they'll still have friends, but the friends they choose to keep are also married while the rest... the single ones... hit the trash.

 

 

They might not say outright that they're dumping you, but they'll suddenly go cold... and then everyone says... well, her priorities have changed... but really? So no married woman has time for friends ever? Period? Funny how they can seem to make time for their married friends...

 

 

as adults everyone is busy... including single people... we also have responsibilities and priorities... but do we go suddenly go cold on our friends and start shutting them out because of it? The short answer is No.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think its more a case of people tend to hang out with others in similar situations to them. Birds of a feather flock together and all that...

 

I guess its hard to relate to your single friends and vice versa when you both have completely conflicting interests...

 

Dunno. :o

Link to post
Share on other sites

let her be the star/the better woman, do not have long convos with him just be bland he is her man not yours, dress plain teeny bit of make-up no skin on show... all or any may help...

 

i have had 3 married friends, one widowed now, one now hiding from her past ooo, one still my buddy, visited them with all no problems for 30 years, each 2 of us chatting in the kitchen

Edited by darkmoon
Link to post
Share on other sites
let her be the star/the better woman, do not have long convos with him just be bland he is her man not yours, dress plain teeny bit of make-up no skin on show... all or any may help...

 

darkmoon... the "best friend" that ditched me for a bloke... well I wear no make up. My general attire is rugby shirts and jeans, so no skin on show - ever. Hell its a miracle that I remember to brush my hair every day I am thaht disinterested in my appearance! When she ditched me I hadn't even met him. After I did meet him it was clear that we were never going to get along. He was very disrespectful towards her in my presence. Outright rude and obnoxious. I have no idea what that was about. I kept quiet and let the comments go. After all this is what she wants right???

Link to post
Share on other sites
darkmoon... the "best friend" that ditched me for a bloke... well I wear no make up. My general attire is rugby shirts and jeans, so no skin on show - ever. Hell its a miracle that I remember to brush my hair every day I am thaht disinterested in my appearance! When she ditched me I hadn't even met him. After I did meet him it was clear that we were never going to get along. He was very disrespectful towards her in my presence. Outright rude and obnoxious. I have no idea what that was about. I kept quiet and let the comments go. After all this is what she wants right???

 

am sorry she chose him over you, did you ask her why?

if yes, what reason has she given?

Edited by darkmoon
Link to post
Share on other sites
Me either. I always give my girlfriends space when they get involved with a man or after they get married. They do the same for me. We are happy to see each other when we do have time to get together.

 

This has been my experience as well. I don't spend ALL my time with ALL my friends, so it's worked out nicely. I have a nice balance of married/coupled girlfriends and single girlfriends and while I might see the single ones slightly more often, I don't remember ever losing a friend over their relationship.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author

Read the book, "Women's Inhumanity to Woman" by Phyllis Chesler... it's quite interesting, and quite true. I'm not here to plug a book or anything, but I do think women need to get their heads out of the sand and own up to certain realities about how they relate to each other. Because this hasn't been just my own experience, I know that. I've met other women who say they've never been able to have female friends period, let alone married women friends because they were perceived as too much of a threat... my own mother had this problem. She was a knock out when she was young. I really hate that women are this petty and insecure.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...