maturityassets Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I'd like to just say I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and I'm a 21 year old guy. For some reason I feel really uncomfortable with having any platonic relationship with a female unless she is in a relationship as well. If I feel un-comfortable I usually keep my distance. Well anyway I'm in a current predicament where this girl who I apparently graduated high school with (I didn't know her during high school) just transferred to my college, met her at a friend's birthday party a couple of weeks ago. I talked about my university with her and how I be willing to introduce her to a group of my friends since she is just transferring. I later gave her a ride home since it was 3 am and she lived less than 10 minute drive from my home. I didn't think much of it, I even talked about my gf with her in the car. Well starting the end of last week she has been texting me daily (Now I don't text anyone daily other than my gf and I'm terrible when it comes to texting outside of my gf). I never start the conversation with this freind and sometimes I just stop replying. I'm never flirty either. But she texts anyway asking how my day is and even says "Was just thinking about you", and smileys are starting to be thrown in from her end. I just feel weird about it. Any advice to put her down nicely? Just a side note: I have a tendency to over think things since I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it comes with various OCDs that even gets in the way of my relationship at times. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 You're not overthinking this. She thinks you're a potential bf. If you want completely out, just stop texting her. If you want to follow through, then make good on your promise to introduce her to some friends in a group context and bring your girlfriend with you so she knows it's not a date. Anything you agree to do with her, always bring your girlfriend. Keep your girlfriend in the loop and let her know you're going to introduce her around to keep your promise but that then you want to cut ties. Let your girlfriend know you think she took your friendly offer as something more and that now you are working on fixing it. Meanwhile, do not text her back unless and until you have an opportunity to invite her and your girlfriend to a group get-together. In fact, go ahead and text her right now and tell her "I'll let you know next time my friends get together. Not sure when that will be," to sort of give her the hint that that is when you'll next hear from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 She could just be feeling lonely/alone...but, yeah...it's not your job to be hand-holding or babysitting. Definitely what preraph said. You can also just tell her, "I'm not comfortable with the too-frequent texting and such. In fact, I basically only bother to text my g/f. I guess I must just be 'text-averse' or something...but still means to not expect texts from me." After that, ignore her texts. Once you've been honest and direct about establishing your own preferences/dislikes, then you can just go ahead and honour them as you see fit. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 On some level you may be over-thinking it but remember you have the power to define your boundaries. Do not text constantly especially just to chat. If you have something concrete to contribute -- like an opportunity to introduce her to people -- by all means invite her along. We you do encounter her, take many opportunities to mention your GF if she is not with you. Make sure to introduce her to your GF. Perhaps they can then be friends & she will need you less. Link to post Share on other sites
azureorb Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I feel really uncomfortable with having any platonic relationship with a female unless she is in a relationship as well Well, as long as she's a SOCIAL-GROUP friend and it's kept that way, there should be no problem with that. When she's a social-group friend, when she texts, 80% of the time it's going to be in reference to where everyone's going to be at, etc. And texting you won't be oh-so often. But you're not in that situation. She seems to have a liking to you, but also, it can be fed on by you replying to (almost?) all her texts. Don't reply to be nice. If she texts you around noon asking how your day's going (as if she's a gf?) -- reply late at night or early the next day. You'll distance your 'relationship'. It sounds like a 'relationship' was created via text. You allowed that to grow. I think part of you likes the attention, but you can't stand it since you have a GF. Another way is to HARP on the GF thing. Not only would that create distance between a girl who Likes you and yourself -- but it will also make you Feel better if she's all about meeting and gal-paling with your GF. It's not hard to create distance in a new friendship situation. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I'd like to just say I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and I'm a 21 year old guy. For some reason I feel really uncomfortable with having any platonic relationship with a female unless she is in a relationship as well. If I feel un-comfortable I usually keep my distance. Well anyway I'm in a current predicament where this girl who I apparently graduated high school with (I didn't know her during high school) just transferred to my college, met her at a friend's birthday party a couple of weeks ago. I talked about my university with her and how I be willing to introduce her to a group of my friends since she is just transferring. I later gave her a ride home since it was 3 am and she lived less than 10 minute drive from my home. I didn't think much of it, I even talked about my gf with her in the car. Well starting the end of last week she has been texting me daily (Now I don't text anyone daily other than my gf and I'm terrible when it comes to texting outside of my gf). I never start the conversation with this freind and sometimes I just stop replying. I'm never flirty either. But she texts anyway asking how my day is and even says "Was just thinking about you", and smileys are starting to be thrown in from her end. I just feel weird about it. Any advice to put her down nicely? Just a side note: I have a tendency to over think things since I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it comes with various OCDs that even gets in the way of my relationship at times. Thanks! Bolded. Just tell her, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not really into texting since I have a girlfriend and it's inappropriate to text. She likes you. Though is she actually aware you have a gf? Link to post Share on other sites
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