My online friend ignoring me ?

[noski]

Hi ,

 

I can't believe I'm writing in this forum but I really need to get it off my chest.I have talked to two of my close friends but nothing.;It's okay.

 

I have this online friend.We've known each other for like a few months months and it was crazy because we had so much in common.We mWe were really close and we used to joke around a lot .We met through a forum for a tv Show and we talked every single day.We started talking about the show then,we started talking about personal lives,be there for each other and happened to be in the same city but we've never met.We planned it but she couldnt make it because of university duties and I understood.Her bf was coming as well and she had to travel afterwards ,so we didn't meet.

 

Well I noticed that I have been the one to contact her first in the last three times we talked and for people who used to talk EVERY DAY now it's just like so rare .

 

I honestly thought that since she's in her hometown,maybe she doesn't have time.I wrote to her to check on her and she's always reponding cool but It makes me jealous when I see her talk to other people on twitter and all and stop responding me.

 

Even the past three times I engaged the conversion,we exchanged and talked a bit and she stopped replying .So last time Two weeks ago I decided that I won't engage the conversation anymore until she does.

 

I get it that she's back home with friends boyfriend but I mean she often goes to the forum we met and posts there and also sometimes talk to people on twitter but doesnt send me anymore msg ,not even to check on me.

 

So many times we talked about our friendship,how amazing our bond was,how we met and all and that we would be sisters for life..;and we professed how much we loved each other and that we won't grow apart.

 

Maybe she's overwhelmed..I dont know.I mean I have real life friends that I trust and love but we really had a special bondl.I think Im holding on to the special thing.the fact that we're so different but have so much in common.

 

I just don't understand.I don't know If Im acting out of ego or something but I WILL NOT talk to her first again.I've done it like twice in a row even after she didnt reply ...

 

We never argued or anything.I dont think I did anything wrong and the thcouple times we talked,I subtly said stuff like I missed her and that she's abadoning me or smthg .stuff like that In a joking way but she didnt say anything about that.I figured it annoyed her when I implied those stuffs so yeah I dont even know.

 

I am not desperate and I don't wanna sound clingy and stuff I just thought It was an outstanding friendship but Im just sorry If she's ignoring me .You know I could have understoodthe whole going back home for holidays and not having time but when she talks to people on twitter and goes to the forum and still doesnt talk to me or reply what I last said.I cant help but think that's she's ignoring me.Frankly I'm a bit upset ,you know I never kept in touch ith people from forum I just comment and thats it but she followed me on twitter and we just instantly connected and we really appreciated each other's company and advice.

It's too bad things like that happen and my thing is If I DECIDE and reallly Im really willing to move on,I dont think things woill get back to normal.At this stage I just wanna keep in touch with her because we had such a nice friendship and shared so much laughter...

 

I'm just letting her be.I know she'll be back in town soon but I have a big ego.I dont know.I made a lot of efforts not to swallow my pride when I had to talk to her the first time,the second time .

 

 

Please advice ?

[noski]

I'm getting the silent treatment here too?I Oh lalala:confused:

[cerridwen]

Let the friendship be.

It may have run its course and any effort on your part to revive it could be interpreted as overbearing.

 

Circumstances changed and she may have gotten busy reconnecting or even creating new friendships.

But frankly, OP, it appears she's distanced herself by limiting contact.

 

Sad to say, despite efforts to the opposite, you actually do come off a little needy/clingy, or passive aggressive.

 

Your joking remarks about her abandoning you?

Your jealousy that she's speaking to others?

I'm not convinced she doesn't feel the pressure, and has become uncomfortable with it.

So, she's sending a subtle message that I think you should heed.

 

My advice is to give the friendship space.

Let her initiate.

If she makes contact, avoid any more jokes designed to invoke guilt.

 

I understand you're hurt, and for that I'm sorry.

But friendships need room to grow.

They change.

So, please don't apply a strangle hold.

Things like daily contact may be a thing of the past, but it doesn't mean the friendship is dead in the water.

[preraph]

I've found that the majority of online friendships die out. You are doing the right thing by stopping any further contact. It's likely, as you said, that she's spending her online time chatting other people up now and basically moved on but maybe she'll check in sometime. People only have so much time for this stuff. If I wasn't a fast typist and at my desk anyway, I'd be at this forum a whole lot less, I can tell you.

 

I had an online bf that it just got to be too much time spent and bad timing for getting together and he'd disappear for months and come back and then I finally pulled the plug entirely. It's never fun. In your case, the person is right there in town. She may have decided she doesn't want to meet you for whatever personal reason. I was on a board and stirred up people in my town and me and one couple talked about getting together, and I can't even tell you why, but I just stopped wanting to do that, afraid I'd get into something I'd have trouble getting out of (I'm not overly social, few close friends I barely have time for).

 

I had a girl I felt about as you do who I chatted with at night before bed and I really enjoyed it. We met on a band fan board. When the band came to her town or nearby, she asked if I'd come, and I said yes and when I told her I was about to buy my ticket and everything, she completely chickened out for whatever reason and just backpeddled bigtime.

 

 

Try not to take it too personally. Online friendships aren't much more reliable than OLD, unfortunately, though occasionally you get a gem.

[noski]

Let the friendship be.

It may have run its course and any effort on your part to revive it could be interpreted as overbearing.

 

Circumstances changed and she may have gotten busy reconnecting or even creating new friendships.

But frankly, OP, it appears she's distanced herself by limiting contact.

 

Sad to say, despite efforts to the opposite, you actually do come off a little needy/clingy, or passive aggressive.

 

Your joking remarks about her abandoning you?

Your jealousy that she's speaking to others?

I'm not convinced she doesn't feel the pressure, and has become uncomfortable with it.

So, she's sending a subtle message that I think you should heed.

 

My advice is to give the friendship space.

Let her initiate.

If she makes contact, avoid any more jokes designed to invoke guilt.

 

I understand you're hurt, and for that I'm sorry.

But friendships need room to grow.

They change.

So, please don't apply a strangle hold.

Things like daily contact may be a thing of the past, but it doesn't mean the friendship is dead in the water.

 

 

Thank you so much.I think what I wanted to avoid is to come off as needy/clingy.I think my ego won't let me keep trying knowing that.

Yes circumstances changed and maybe she's busy reconnecting with her hometown buddies but you know I think that our friendship started oout in such a high intensity(talking almost all day,everyday ) and I got attached but I know I need to detach myself a little.It's hard because It's somebody I shared a lot with.

 

The reason why I told her she's abandoning me and all was that I didn't wanna pretend.I was a bit hurt but I'm afraid it annoyed her but she'll never tell me.

Thank you for the piece of advice.I'll avoid saying stuff like that in the future.Though I wanted to see how I may come off,I know I have to step back a bit and let it be .I actually gave her some space because It's been like over two weeks I havent said anything to her.I just sent her those msg (when I initiated contact) to check on her but I get it now.

 

I'm just afraid I won't know how to pretend it's all cool but one thing I'm sure of,I'm definitely distancing myself because I don't wanna have to think of that.You know we just shared so much and I held on to our deep conversations and how we just appreciated each other's company.Her telling me that she was blessed to have me in her life,that it is an amazing bond,how it's crazy to be so different in terms of culture and background but so look alike etc etc etc...

 

 

I've found that the majority of online friendships die out. You are doing the right thing by stopping any further contact. It's likely, as you said, that she's spending her online time chatting other people up now and basically moved on but maybe she'll check in sometime. People only have so much time for this stuff. If I wasn't a fast typist and at my desk anyway, I'd be at this forum a whole lot less, I can tell you.

 

I had an online bf that it just got to be too much time spent and bad timing for getting together and he'd disappear for months and come back and then I finally pulled the plug entirely. It's never fun. In your case, the person is right there in town. She may have decided she doesn't want to meet you for whatever personal reason. I was on a board and stirred up people in my town and me and one couple talked about getting together, and I can't even tell you why, but I just stopped wanting to do that, afraid I'd get into something I'd have trouble getting out of (I'm not overly social, few close friends I barely have time for).

 

I had a girl I felt about as you do who I chatted with at night before bed and I really enjoyed it. We met on a band fan board. When the band came to her town or nearby, she asked if I'd come, and I said yes and when I told her I was about to buy my ticket and everything, she completely chickened out for whatever reason and just backpeddled bigtime.

 

 

Try not to take it too personally. Online friendships aren't much more reliable than OLD, unfortunately, though occasionally you get a gem.

 

Thank you.

 

Yes I know some people chicken out and all like your friend's case for whatever reason but I don't think It's the case.I mean she's out of town for the moment but when we decided to meet,we were both excited to go watch a movie and grab coffee but I do understand why she couldnt make it.She had to travel and she told me she'll be back anyway.I mean we live in the same city we might even run into each other's when she's back .We've known each other for like 4 months or smthg.I guess It's not long enough.

 

Yeah It's like I don't have a choice.Like cerridwen said,I may come off as needy and I think my pride can't deal with that but because I cared so much.So I just tried my best to initiate contact twice and row etc etc.

 

How about your friend?Did you stay in touch after she bailed out ?

[preraph]

No, my friend that backed out of me coming for the concert just kind of disappeared and then the first chance she got she acted mad at me about something or other online and fully disappeared. I believe she may have been a bit of a recluse, but she was married, so not sure. You know, it's entirely possible she just wasn't who she said she was at all and was a guy or something. Yes, saw a photo or two, but not very good ones. Plus she did this one weird thing where she seemed in love with this gay male singer and I began wondering if she was his mother or something, because it was so ooey-gooey the way she talked about him that it was like a mother might be of her son, only a little too much, I thought. Or she might have even BEEN him fishing for compliments. Haha. Because she more or less disappeared right when he first got a hit and went on the road. Anyway, crap happens online. I've learned to expect it at this point.

 

Your friend sounds very busy and I don't know if she's anything like me, but the older I get, the more reluctant I am to add anyone into my schedule because I am busy in my own way and require a lot of alone time.

 

I don't think you sound particularly clingy, because you knew when to shut it down and leave the next move to her. That's smart and most people beg for resolution and even though they deserve it, it usually only takes their dignity in the end.

[LuckyLady13]

Relationships that burn too brightly too fast burn out equally as fast!

 

This goes for marriages, friendships, any type of relationship. When they start out the way you said this one did, they just don't last.

 

However, Noski, keep your ego out of things if you want your friendships and any type of relationships to last a long time. Check your ego at the door because, if you look at what you're saying, your ego is keeping you from doing things and I'd bet it did from day one. It's just in your way.

 

Ego's kill friendships. So does power. If you think "the other person has power in this relationship", your focus isn't on the relationship, it's on perceived power.

 

Just this year, I lost a friendship of over 12 years because I needed breathing time (I was being suffocated) and my "friend" let his ego get in the way, saying I was taking the power of the relationship and because of his ego, he refused to contact me. He wasn't focusing at all on our friendship, what the problem was, how to solve it, how we could work together and go forward into the future. His ego destroyed his ability to BE A FRIEND.

 

My other friends just totally get this naturally. Nobody has power, nobody brings their ego to the table, it's about being friends and what that means - caring about each other.

[cerridwen]

Thank you so much.I think what I wanted to avoid is to come off as needy/clingy.I think my ego won't let me keep trying knowing that.

Yes circumstances changed and maybe she's busy reconnecting with her hometown buddies but you know I think that our friendship started oout in such a high intensity(talking almost all day,everyday ) and I got attached but I know I need to detach myself a little.It's hard because It's somebody I shared a lot with.

 

 

Of course, it's hard.

It sounds like you two connected quickly and intensely.

I'm sorry that this has hurt you.

 

Online stuff can be dicey.

It's difficult to read nuance and subtleties we might pick up on in person; so we can't adjust our communication accordingly.

A look of annoyance crossing one's face, for instance, or a heavy sigh indicating impatience.

All you can go on is her response to you via the silence.

It's wise to give it some room, if only so you can put your focus elsewhere.

 

The reason why I told her she's abandoning me and all was that I didn't wanna pretend.I was a bit hurt but I'm afraid it annoyed her but she'll never tell me.

Thank you for the piece of advice.I'll avoid saying stuff like that in the future.Though I wanted to see how I may come off,I know I have to step back a bit and let it be .

 

*nods head* I hear you.

 

So, I'm going through something similar with a friend.

 

The issue is, she tries to guilt me whenever I do something displeasing to her; including not hanging out, or not being in touch regularly (I'm often very busy).

 

She texts or says things couched in a joke.

But there's always a subtle (or overt) edge.

 

"Oh, I figured you threw me aside like an old shoe now that K is in town!"

Meanwhile, I had been fighting whooping cough or somesuch.

 

Or, a week would go by and she'd make a snide comment how I'd forgotten all about her.

 

She fears abandonment. Is sensitive to rejection.

I'm sad that she deals with either.

But, it's not fair to punish others for our own demons.

Tempting, yes, but fair? No.

 

SO! Yes, it's good to avoid doing that kind of thing in the future.

You sound like a sweet girl with all the makings of a conscientious friend.

I say reconnect with buddies in the actual world (vs virtual), and be kind to yourself.

[noski]

No, my friend that backed out of me coming for the concert just kind of disappeared and then the first chance she got she acted mad at me about something or other online and fully disappeared. I believe she may have been a bit of a recluse, but she was married, so not sure. You know, it's entirely possible she just wasn't who she said she was at all and was a guy or something. Yes, saw a photo or two, but not very good ones. Plus she did this one weird thing where she seemed in love with this gay male singer and I began wondering if she was his mother or something, because it was so ooey-gooey the way she talked about him that it was like a mother might be of her son, only a little too much, I thought. Or she might have even BEEN him fishing for compliments. Haha. Because she more or less disappeared right when he first got a hit and went on the road. Anyway, crap happens online. I've learned to expect it at this point.

 

Your friend sounds very busy and I don't know if she's anything like me, but the older I get, the more reluctant I am to add anyone into my schedule because I am busy in my own way and require a lot of alone time.

 

I don't think you sound particularly clingy, because you knew when to shut it down and leave the next move to her. That's smart and most people beg for resolution and even though they deserve it,t usually only takes their dignity in the end.

 

Wow the story with your friend though.That's really weird how it turned out and you don't know to this date I guess.It would have been interesting to find out though.

 

Yes she may be busy .I get it.She's back home and all but I guess the fact that she still went on the forum and sometimes is on twitter (we used to talk via dm on twitter) made me think that saying Hi won't change anything.

I mean I don't think she's THAT busy to just check on me,once in a while the same way I've done it.She knows I've been sick as well but anyway I'm fine.

You know I've been busy as well with writing but I guess I haven't really let go since I was wondering what was happening,If we were growing apart ,If things are gonna be normal once she's back...but I'm moving on.Honestly we never argued or anything.I don't know If I'm overreacting or something but I'm a bit disappointed that's it .

 

I honestly am not the clingy type in no kind of way but I guess I was too attached and gotten used to the rythm of our conversations and to the intensity.I kept thinking wow all "those I love you so much""we are sisters""this is the best friendship ever" and everything we shared all the craziness,the happiness ...

 

Well we'll see.I don't want to suffocate her or annoy her at all.If giving her space is what it takes,then be it but I know she may get in touch again.I don't know how I'll feel about that.I just don't know.I'm gonna let it be.I have real life friends and all.Honestly It's all good but there was something really special about talking to my friend because we were able to mix up the craziness and the deepness.I guess I missed that but I know for sure I don't wanna bother her.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH .THIS MEANS A LOT.AT LEAST I'M GETTING IT OFF MY CHEST AND VOILA!

 

 

 

Relationships that burn too brightly too fast burn out equally as fast!

 

This goes for marriages, friendships, any type of relationship. When they start out the way you said this one did, they just don't last.

 

However, Noski, keep your ego out of things if you want your friendships and any type of relationships to last a long time. Check your ego at the door because, if you look at what you're saying, your ego is keeping you from doing things and I'd bet it did from day one. It's just in your way.

 

Ego's kill friendships. So does power. If you think "the other person has power in this relationship", your focus isn't on the relationship, it's on perceived power.

 

Just this year, I lost a friendship of over 12 years because I needed breathing time (I was being suffocated) and my "friend" let his ego get in the way, saying I was taking the power of the relationship and because of his ego, he refused to contact me. He wasn't focusing at all on our friendship, what the problem was, how to solve it, how we could work together and go forward into the future. His ego destroyed his ability to BE A FRIEND.

 

My other friends just totally get this naturally. Nobody has power, nobody brings their ego to the table, it's about being friends and what that means - caring about each other.

 

I understand your point.I mean ego or pride.I just mean that "always initiating contact" but not anything else and you know I saw her tweet for example as If it implied she was sick I reached out to her and checking on her.I'm extremely caring and I have been there but no I won't let ego destroy a friendship I care about.It just concerns the fact that I have been initiating contact but I have been aware of this ego thing and I agree and the minute you realise you have an ego,it decreases its power because ego doesnt stand vulnerable .I know ego is a disguised strength,that's supposed to "protect" us.

Those times I broke the silence ,I first thought "why should I be the first to contact her" then I realised "what'sthe wors that can happen If I do.Well I just wanna check on her.It doesnt matter"

 

BUT at this stage.She may need some space and that's what I'm giving her.You can't tell sometimes because one day my friend had to go for a week end and then I told her "Ok have a safe trip and that I hope she has fun" and she kept talking to me and I told her to relax and enjoy and that I'll let her enjoy and she told me that she wanted to talk to me etc etc...

 

Well anyway I know it's a fault sometimes but I know when to check it.It's just that right now stepping back is the only sensible thing to do.We are okay I guess.At least last time we talked.It's just that she didnt reply.So It stopped there and I'm gonna let that go.

[noski]

Of course, it's hard.

It sounds like you two connected quickly and intensely.

I'm sorry that this has hurt you.

 

Online stuff can be dicey.

It's difficult to read nuance and subtleties we might pick up on in person; so we can't adjust our communication accordingly.

A look of annoyance crossing one's face, for instance, or a heavy sigh indicating impatience.

All you can go on is her response to you via the silence.

It's wise to give it some room, if only so you can put your focus elsewhere.

 

 

 

*nods head* I hear you.

 

So, I'm going through something similar with a friend.

 

The issue is, she tries to guilt me whenever I do something displeasing to her; including not hanging out, or not being in touch regularly (I'm often very busy).

 

She texts or says things couched in a joke.

But there's always a subtle (or overt) edge.

 

"Oh, I figured you threw me aside like an old shoe now that K is in town!"

Meanwhile, I had been fighting whooping cough or somesuch.

 

Or, a week would go by and she'd make a snide comment how I'd forgotten all about her.

 

She fears abandonment. Is sensitive to rejection.

I'm sad that she deals with either.

But, it's not fair to punish others for our own demons.

Tempting, yes, but fair? No.

 

SO! Yes, it's good to avoid doing that kind of thing in the future.

You sound like a sweet girl with all the makings of a conscientious friend.

I say reconnect with buddies in the actual world (vs virtual), and be kind to yourself.

 

Wow thank you so much.I've been really paying attention to everything you said .That's really helpful advice.I'm grateful:cool:

 

Also the fact that you're living the same thing with a friend solidify what you're saying but I think I don't fear abandonment or something.I think I was just too attached.I still hang out with my friends (longtime friends and great friends).I guess I thought how we met and how we stayed in touch was just special and I guess it has more to do with me than her because she never displayed any weird behaviour.Even when she was moody she told me she was sorry etc etc but it's always been cool .So I just think the fact that Im telling her "dont be a stranger" "I miss our talks"(Which by the way was the truth) might have turned her off a bit but I mean I was being honest but I do understand .I won't do it again.

 

I hope I'm not overreacting but this is a lesson as well.Also her twitter activi is my way of knowing she's "alive".I feel bad.This sound stalkerish,doesnt it ?

[LuckyLady13]

Hey Noski, one other thing too: One of my best friends on the planet for a few years now never is the one to initiate contact between us. It's always me. She's not the reach out type. But when I do, she's happy I did. She tells me I'm the best friend she's ever had. And I'm okay with her not being the one to initiate contact. I'm totally fine with it, actually. If I was keeping score near the beginning of this friendship, checking to see who initiated contact the most, I would've killed a really cool, close relationship years ago before it got close. And I would've so missed out!! She's such a cool person to be friends with! I'm more social than her, have a lot more friends than she does so I've just taken it upon myself to realize who I am in this friendship. I'm the social one who reaches out and always makes the first contact. That's my place with this one, that's all.

 

My more social friends don't shut up!! And I love them all the same!

[noski]

Hey Noski, one other thing too: One of my best friends on the planet for a few years now never is the one to initiate contact between us. It's always me. She's not the reach out type. But when I do, she's happy I did. She tells me I'm the best friend she's ever had. And I'm okay with her not being the one to initiate contact. I'm totally fine with it, actually. If I was keeping score near the beginning of this friendship, checking to see who initiated contact the most, I would've killed a really cool, close relationship years ago before it got close. And I would've so missed out!! She's such a cool person to be friends with! I'm more social than her, have a lot more friends than she does so I've just taken it upon myself to realize who I am in this friendship. I'm the social one who reaches out and always makes the first contact. That's my place with this one, that's all.

 

My more social friends don't shut up!! And I love them all the same!

 

That is really cool .I mean I totally get your point and even more so about the ego point you made earlier .I know It's cool to act natural,not to worry about all of this and just doing what you feel like doing.

 

At this stage I mean since we've known each other for like 4 months and we havent met yet and all.I think we havent refreshed the friendship to a stable level becaise it was at such a high intensity.Like with my other friends we're great friends but I don't have any issues with us not always seeing each other talking on a daily/weekly basis.I guess it's still kinda fresh...

[noski]

Hello,

 

So I just wanted to give an update.Just like I said I would,I just gave my friend space.So It's been like a month and half and I think I'm getting used to the idea that the "friendship" is dead in the water.I wonder If it really started in the first place.

 

Also since my "friend" was not in town ,I was considering the possibility that she might be busy there even though she was online and in that forum (See post).

Well now it's been like almost two weeks I think she's back (well I just saw her tweet when she was back ) and still no communication.So It's clear to me .

 

What I thought was a blessing turned out to be a lesson online.It sucks but at least I wont get attached like that and trust people the way I trusted her.

I'm glad we shared those nice moments and that we were there for each other at some point.

 

Even though we're in the same town and she's back from holidays and we decided before this distance to go watch a movie and coffee shop,I don't really care about that anymore.In fact Im not sure this person cared about me.Knowing that your friend was sick(even though I told her I was okay when I came back from the doctor) and because I had a dissertation to submit and all that I wasnt tweeting or anything.She didnt care If I was dead or alive..or check on me or anything...

 

Am I reading too much .

 

Anyway that's it for me ..I'm slowly disconnecting.It's just too bad that there was no closure.You know at some point I considered sending her an email but I avoid drama as much as I can,so I didnt.

 

I think now I'm moving on .I dont wanna sound resentful or anything but I was a bit disappointed by this.

[noski]

Hi ,

 

 

So like I said I would,I did.I didn't say anything,just focusing that energy somewhere else,to my real life friends and now after almost two months of silent treatment ,she's favoriting my tweets?Probably because I would have discussed those stuff with her when things were normal between us.Still If you are gonna ignore me,just do it ,don't remind me that you are still alive...

Edited October 6, 2014 by noski

[cerridwen]

Hi Noski,

 

I came looking for an update. Thanks for posting one.

I understand the sting/annoyance you're feeling.

Good on you for continuing to detach.

 

How do you feel about removing her from your Twitter feed?

Worried you will create drama?

[noski]

Hi Noski,

 

I came looking for an update. Thanks for posting one.

I understand the sting/annoyance you're feeling.

Good on you for continuing to detach.

 

How do you feel about removing her from your Twitter feed?

Worried you will create drama?

 

Hey Cerridwen,

 

Thank you so much for checking on the situation .THERE IS DEFINITELY AN UPDATE .

So I had a long conversation with my best friend.I explained her everything and that It was bothering me ,so I followed her advice and talked to her but avoiding everything that would invoke guilt and all.I contacted her just to say Hi and asked If she was okay, If there was something I might have said that she took the wrong way.

When she started favoriting my tweets ,I wondered "Maybe I'm overreacting " and yes so I sent her a brief message and she said she forgot ,that when she's on vacations she is so busy she forgets to reply and that she does that with her friends and that she was really sorry(insisted) that she forgot to reply while on vacation.She was kinda normal ,we talked a bit and she also reached out again ,asking me how I was doing etc etc.

I also realised that she had a lot going on in her personal life,that's why in my message I asked her If she was doing fine (the first time she said yes) but then she started explaining what happened.

 

So I had broken up with her in my mind and thought that she ignored my IN MY PERSPECTIVE but I didn't really see things from her perspective.I was really curious because I thought I had something to do with it but she said not at all and I understood better.

The fact that I stepped out of my own head,turnt off my ego was a turning point to understand It wasn't really personal .She also said that she missed me and all.Well I guess we'll see where it goes from there.

[cerridwen]

 

So I had broken up with her in my mind and thought that she ignored my IN MY PERSPECTIVE but I didn't really see things from her perspective.I was really curious because I thought I had something to do with it but she said not at all and I understood better.

The fact that I stepped out of my own head,turnt off my ego was a turning point to understand It wasn't really personal .She also said that she missed me and all.Well I guess we'll see where it goes from there.

 

this.

 

You sound like you're in a much better, less stressed place.

Glad for you.

[noski]

this.

 

You sound like you're in a much better, less stressed place.

Glad for you.

Well we'll see .It happened like 3 days ago.Pretty recent.

Yes I felt relieved. I do feel relieved.We didn't go too much into details ,we just caught up and all even though she did apologize again .

Now I know we haven't met.We planned doing it. I wanted to invite her over or maybe we stick to our movie ,coffee plan before she went on holidays.I know she's a bit confused (personal life) and I felt it when she talked to me.I don't know If its too early.I don't know If she wants that. I don't wanna push it but I really care for her.

Thank so much .

[noski]

Hi Noski - sorry you are going through this However, take it from an old person who has burned many cherished bridges with friends in this life... don't take the attitude of having it all-or-nothing with friends. Especially online friends.

 

As life goes on, and you reach your 30's (not sure how old you are but you sound fairly young), most of your friends will fade out of the picture except the ones you see on a day-to-day basis, and the ones that are good communicators.

 

I am a terrible communicator and I've lost a lot of friendships because I couldn't handle it when they had to fade out of the picture for awhile to tend to family issues, moved to a new city, or got married and had kids. There were some VERY good people I bitched out and blew up at and ignored for years because I was miffed that our bond wasn't the same.

 

It took a long, long time for me to realize that I have to let things happen and it's just how life goes. Now, I've started to just be a positive person and drop old friends a note of thanks or reminder that I love them, and sometimes we're able to look back fondly on the times we had together. With those friends I wish we were closer, but at least they are still in my life and we can reconnect every now and then (sometimes months later, sometimes years, even a decade). If you can learn to be the bigger person in the situation and be understanding that she has other stuff going on... you CAN keep the magic going in the friendship.

 

Best of luck

 

Extasis

 

 

Hello Thank you so much .

I believe that's what I did .You must have missed my update nd I agree sometimes you have to be a bigger person