Sugarkane Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 He defriended me by Facebook because I was sick all throughout my pregnancy- not that he ever asked how i was. This was a friend of 10 years. I was so disgusted I couldn't look at him. He's really changed since dating his Ahole boyfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Sorry to hear that. How is the therapy going? Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Do you have any background info? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 People go to social media for entertainment and fun, not to read a day-by-day account of someone's bad pregnancy and how unhappy they are. You can't just use friends and acquaintances to dump all your problems on. Instead, you need to get a professional to dump your problems on. Whether that be a therapist or a babysitter or both is unclear. Like all things, it's about balance. If you're going to unload on friends, it can't be like that every time you communicate with them, in person or social media or texting. There has to be more times when you have something fun to talk about or when you listen to them and when it's just you and them with no distractions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 People go to social media for entertainment and fun, not to read a day-by-day account of someone's bad pregnancy and how unhappy they are. You can't just use friends and acquaintances to dump all your problems on. Instead, you need to get a professional to dump your problems on. Whether that be a therapist or a babysitter or both is unclear. Like all things, it's about balance. If you're going to unload on friends, it can't be like that every time you communicate with them, in person or social media or texting. There has to be more times when you have something fun to talk about or when you listen to them and when it's just you and them with no distractions. I didn't post anything at all about my pregnancy on Facebook because I didn't know what to do. There wasn't any communication from my friend if I was annoying him. He just went ahead and defriended me. He knows that really annoys me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 A little communication goes a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Sorry to hear that. How is the therapy going? I stopped because it is so expensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I didn't post anything about my pregnancy on Facebook because I was unsure what I was going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 So, what happened when you ran into him? Did the two of you speak? Being de-friended on facebook would be really hurtful so I can see why you're upset about that. Do you know for sure that he de-friended you because you had a difficult pregnancy? That doesn't really make any sense. What does your pregnancy have to do with anything? Also, what do you mean that he has changed since dating his a-hole boyfriend? That he's gay and dating a guy you don't like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Nothing happened when I ran into him. Regretfully I didn't say anything. He says he was fed up with me turning him down all the time. But Its because I was depressed, couldn't find good counseling and was at the end of my rope with no help. He's been dating this guy 10 years our senior. He was a jerk from the start and made a personal insult towards me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Ironically I used to go to this friend asking for guy advice. But now he wouldn't communicate and ended badly, just like my exes in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Sorry to hear that. How is the therapy going? It has been completely useless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Anyone ?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 As I've said in many posts I don't use Facebbok much. Which always confuses others my age. If he was unhappy it would've been great if he could've actually communicated that. God forbid. People go to social media for entertainment and fun, not to read a day-by-day account of someone's bad pregnancy and how unhappy they are. You can't just use friends and acquaintances to dump all your problems on. Instead, you need to get a professional to dump your problems on. Whether that be a therapist or a babysitter or both is unclear. Like all things, it's about balance. If you're going to unload on friends, it can't be like that every time you communicate with them, in person or social media or texting. There has to be more times when you have something fun to talk about or when you listen to them and when it's just you and them with no distractions. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Sometimes people defriend others because all they do is complain and post about drama. You'll have to think back to your pregnancy to remember if you did that. Other than that I got nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Nothing happened when I ran into him. Regretfully I didn't say anything. He says he was fed up with me turning him down all the time. But Its because I was depressed, couldn't find good counseling and was at the end of my rope with no help. He's been dating this guy 10 years our senior. He was a jerk from the start and made a personal insult towards me. You were turning him down? Aren't you married or engaged? He's dating a guy so why is he asking you out anyway. I'm afraid you are alienating the people in your life by being a black hole of negativity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 We were platonic friends for 10 years, since school. What was I supposed to do? Pretend I wasn't depressed at the time? If it was the other way around I would've drove over and talked to him. He just ignored me.. You were turning him down? Aren't you married or engaged? He's dating a guy so why is he asking you out anyway. I'm afraid you are alienating the people in your life by being a black hole of negativity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 I didn't post anything about what I was going through. It was a moral dilemma about whether or not should I keep my baby. I didn't have time. Long story short when I'm depressed I bottle things up, not tell everyone everything. Sometimes people defriend others because all they do is complain and post about drama. You'll have to think back to your pregnancy to remember if you did that. Other than that I got nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 There seems to be confusion on here... I'm assuming you got preoccupied with some heavy issues during pregnancy, and a lack of contact/meeting up with your friend led him to defriending you? I'll be honest, I've defriended friends because I know that while they can't be arsed meeting up, hanging out or having a proper NON VIRTUAL conversation, they will check out my Facebook (or try to talk to me on WhatsApp all day) religiously, liking everything etc. But Im sorry, I don't live my friendships through social media. I bet they reacted exactly like you did - offended, shocked and slightly panicked. It's sad that a facebook delete means more to people than actually being friends in real life and making time for each other. I don't meant to have a go, and I understand you had a lot of your own stuff going on and was depressed. But maybe now you know that a little bit more effort is required to keep your friends. Even if youre going through crap and don't feel like socialising, you can always just send them a quick "hey, sorry I haven't been in touch but I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. I hope youre good and def gotta catch up soon" message. It takes all of 2 minutes and your friends will appreciate the reach out, while being aware you have a lot on your plate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 Meeting in person does mean a lot to me. I already had contacted him about what was happening. I was sick and tired of him ostracizing me. Guess I haven't lost much. There seems to be confusion on here... I'm assuming you got preoccupied with some heavy issues during pregnancy, and a lack of contact/meeting up with your friend led him to defriending you? I'll be honest, I've defriended friends because I know that while they can't be arsed meeting up, hanging out or having a proper NON VIRTUAL conversation, they will check out my Facebook (or try to talk to me on WhatsApp all day) religiously, liking everything etc. But Im sorry, I don't live my friendships through social media. I bet they reacted exactly like you did - offended, shocked and slightly panicked. It's sad that a facebook delete means more to people than actually being friends in real life and making time for each other. I don't meant to have a go, and I understand you had a lot of your own stuff going on and was depressed. But maybe now you know that a little bit more effort is required to keep your friends. Even if youre going through crap and don't feel like socialising, you can always just send them a quick "hey, sorry I haven't been in touch but I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. I hope youre good and def gotta catch up soon" message. It takes all of 2 minutes and your friends will appreciate the reach out, while being aware you have a lot on your plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 I am sick and tired of people who won't communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I already told him about the problems I was having. It's not like he didn't know. I don't use Facebook much. There seems to be confusion on here... I'm assuming you got preoccupied with some heavy issues during pregnancy, and a lack of contact/meeting up with your friend led him to defriending you? I'll be honest, I've defriended friends because I know that while they can't be arsed meeting up, hanging out or having a proper NON VIRTUAL conversation, they will check out my Facebook (or try to talk to me on WhatsApp all day) religiously, liking everything etc. But Im sorry, I don't live my friendships through social media. I bet they reacted exactly like you did - offended, shocked and slightly panicked. It's sad that a facebook delete means more to people than actually being friends in real life and making time for each other. I don't meant to have a go, and I understand you had a lot of your own stuff going on and was depressed. But maybe now you know that a little bit more effort is required to keep your friends. Even if youre going through crap and don't feel like socialising, you can always just send them a quick "hey, sorry I haven't been in touch but I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. I hope youre good and def gotta catch up soon" message. It takes all of 2 minutes and your friends will appreciate the reach out, while being aware you have a lot on your plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Alienating people with negativity, how? I only told a couple of people what happened and explained it in a nutshell. What should I do, just lie and put an act on?! You were turning him down? Aren't you married or engaged? He's dating a guy so why is he asking you out anyway. I'm afraid you are alienating the people in your life by being a black hole of negativity. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 You're contradicting yourself and refusing to acknowledge your part in the breakdown of this friendship. He says he was fed up with me turning him down all the time. So he was obviously putting effort into the friendship. You say you kept turning him down because you were depressed. I'm sorry you had a tough time, but friendship is a two way street. The guy knew you were depressed, but tried over and over to see you. You kept knocking him back. We were platonic friends for 10 years, since school. What was I supposed to do? Pretend I wasn't depressed at the time? If it was the other way around I would've drove over and talked to him. He just ignored me.. He tried repeatedly to see you, and you kept rejecting him. Now you're saying that he should have driven over to see you, and that is what you would have done? Contradictory, and makes no sense. I can see why this guy had enough to be honest...doesn't sound like a healthy friendship for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 He lied because he wasn't putting any effort in anyway. And he had been ostracizing me from the group. His actions are different to his words. You're contradicting yourself and refusing to acknowledge your part in the breakdown of this friendship. So he was obviously putting effort into the friendship. You say you kept turning him down because you were depressed. I'm sorry you had a tough time, but friendship is a two way street. The guy knew you were depressed, but tried over and over to see you. You kept knocking him back. He tried repeatedly to see you, and you kept rejecting him. Now you're saying that he should have driven over to see you, and that is what you would have done? Contradictory, and makes no sense. I can see why this guy had enough to be honest...doesn't sound like a healthy friendship for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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