BornToDie Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been friends with this guy for 2+ years now, and only in the past year or so have his psychological issues come to light. At first glance, he seems like a pretty happy guy, but after we got to know him, we saw how angry and depressed he is. Over the past few months, it's gotten to the point that I don't know what to do. Lately, every few months, our friend's depression "gets bad again" and he begins acting out or appearing suicidal. He drinks constantly and has tried to get my boyfriend to go with him to the bar during the day because it "helps him study." He'll approach either my boyfriend or myself separately and make an off handed comment about "being this close to killing someone" or "going on a killing spree" or about how his "sadness has just turned into rage." This especially disturbs me because he has a gun and spends time with my boyfriend alone. A month or so ago, during a casual texting conversation, my friend said that he was "telling me goodbye" and that he "couldn't live with the pain of his existence anymore." After this, he wouldn't answer my texts or calls. I thought the worst and looked for him until 3 AM. I went by his house and told his mom about this, and she didn't know a thing about it, nor did his therapist. My friend ended up coming home at 5 AM and later told me he tried to "drink himself to death." After this incident, his psychiatrist put him back on Prozac, and my friend told me he was feeling much better and didn't think he'd get that bad again. However, today, he told me that even though right now, he was doing okay, after school resumed, his depression would worsen again and that he'd be contemplating suicide. He asked me and my boyfriend to help him make it look like an accident so "his parents would be able to accept it." At this point, I feel like he's the boy who cried wolf. I come to his aid whenever he has these feelings, but everyone tells me he's manipulating my boyfriend and me and that if he was going to kill himself, he would've done it. Everyone says it's a "cry for attention." Even I'm pretty frustrated and stressed out. What do we do? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartDesires Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 What do we do? Sometimes a "cry for attention" should be taken seriously because in many cases a suicidal person will talk about taking their own life and then actually carry through with it. Also advise him that his hair-brained idea about involving you and your b/f in his "accidental death" is not an option, and you are extremely uncomfortable discussing it. He is under the care of a psychiatrist and taking an anti-depressant, so all you can really do is hope he is getting the help he needs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 At this point, I feel like he's the boy who cried wolf. I come to his aid whenever he has these feelings, but everyone tells me he's manipulating my boyfriend and me and that if he was going to kill himself, he would've done it. Everyone says it's a "cry for attention." Even I'm pretty frustrated and stressed out. What do we do? Make no mistake, cries for attention are often mislabeled as they are really cries for help.Sometimes a depressed person acts out in ways that may seem attention seeking or histrioni but what I've learned is that's not always the case. Do some people use threats of suicide to manipulate and garner sympathy? Hell yes they do, but in many cases what they're really trying to say is "I need help and I know it but I don't know how to ask". It's very hard for a person to come right out to friends and family and say "Look guys, I'm having these thoughts and I don't want to have them, please intervene immediately." Your friend is at the point of suicidal ideation and needs help soon. My own mother (very - check my latest threads) recently had her own suicidal episode and my intial reaction was very similar to yours; I thought it was yet another pathetic attempt to get attention. however I had to dig deep down and understand that she was really, really hurting and knew no other way to express the pain she was feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BornToDie Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I agree and am leaning more on the side that he does need help. I just don't know what to do. He sees a therapist that doesn't seem to know what's going on at the bottom of things half the time unless I bring it to his attention out of concern (I worked for him once and know him on a professional basis). He has sought psychological help, but he says "nothing is working" and has already resigned himself to falling back into his depression and eventually killing himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 He's an Emotional Vampire to the highest extreme, and you have no legal or even moral obligation towards him whatsoever. Block him at every possible turn, delete his details and refuse to engage with him further. I would venture to guess that he ends up being the main topic of discussion between you and your BF on a very habitual level. This would be a clear indication that his Emotional Vampirism is working; if he's the focus of your attention, even when he's absent, then he has achieved his purpose. You need to cut him out of your life completely. Speak to his parents. Put forward the opinion that he needs sectioning for his own good, and suggest they advise his therapist of his latest episode. Then distance yourself completely. Cut off all contact. Have no more to do with him. Trust me, he will survive without you. And it's the responsibility of his parents and carers to make sure of that, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Anytime he talks about feeling suicidal, you need to call 911. Then if he was crying wolf, which he probably isn't, he will stop. Don't be the friend who feels guilty the rest of her life because he told you and you did nothing. Call 911. He may not be taking his meds as prescribed. 85 percent of people do not and it is a huge mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BornToDie Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I would venture to guess that he ends up being the main topic of discussion between you and your BF on a very habitual level. He is. I very much want to block him out of my life, but I'm scared to because he's shown up to our place unannounced before. As of now, our policy is to be supportive but keep our distance. Actually, his mother likes me a lot and has asked me to continue being his friend so I can keep her posted on things that are going on because she doesn't have a clue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BornToDie Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Anytime he talks about feeling suicidal, you need to call 911. Then if he was crying wolf, which he probably isn't, he will stop. Don't be the friend who feels guilty the rest of her life because he told you and you did nothing. Call 911. He may not be taking his meds as prescribed. 85 percent of people do not and it is a huge mistake. I will be calling 911 next time. The only reason I didn't the first time he threatened suicide is because I had no idea where he was (he wasn't home). I'm a psychology student and realize a lot of patients don't take their medicine. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Actually, his mother likes me a lot and has asked me to continue being his friend so I can keep her posted on things that are going on because she doesn't have a clue. I understand where she's coming from...and I'm sure she doesn't realize the onus she's put on you with her request...BUT that isn't your job or responsibility. Suicide is a touchy subject also because of spiritual/religious influences. At the end of the day though, we cannot save people from themselves. There may or may not also be 'bigger picture' stuff underlying our individual trials and tribulations...which we seldom know about our own, nevermind anyone else's. I do wish all involved the best possible outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I agree and am leaning more on the side that he does need help. I just don't know what to do. He sees a therapist that doesn't seem to know what's going on at the bottom of things half the time unless I bring it to his attention out of concern (I worked for him once and know him on a professional basis). He has sought psychological help, but he says "nothing is working" and has already resigned himself to falling back into his depression and eventually killing himself. Notify the professional. Allow his therapist to understand what he been saying/doing. Alcohol is a depressant and often labeled not to mix psych meds with the booze. Please alert his Dr and family of your concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Even if you don't know where he is, call 911. They can track his cell or call family or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
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