Best Friend has a New Boyfriend, and Now I'm Being Left Behind

[Kitkat44]

It feels as though one of my best friends is pushing me away. We have been friends for over 5 years now and we consider each other family. Our family's consider each other family even. We have gone though tough times, good times, and small fights. We don't stay mad at each other for long though, at most a week.

 

 

She has issues that she is going though. I mean who doesn't. I work with her on them and she gets better. Then she gets a boyfriend and all that work goes down the drain. 1st boyfriend: She lost her independent nature. She only wanted to please him and never make him mad. I pay attention to behaviors. I have an ability to read people, which is why I see through a lot of lies she tells me about her boyfriends. I warn her about what he is like. I get ignored and told that I have never had a boyfriend so how will I know. 6 months later she tells me what he is like. I was spot on. He was an extremely clingy person. Trying to control her life hundreds of miles away. They broke up, with on and off times.

 

 

2nd Boyfriend: I knew him before she dated him. I knew what behaviors he might exhibit, so I told her. Another roll of the eyes. Later I found out he beat her, cheated on her, and still wanted to be possessive of her. I was rude to him straight off the back. I disliked him, and I'm very blunt. They broke up. It was another one of those you have never had a boyfriend so how would you know things. I warned her, got ignored, and the truth came out. 2-0 me. She pushed me away during this time. Badly. 5 months of separation, and very few words. Lots of drama that I warned her about in her choices; all played out true. It took a tornado ripping through our town to bring back our friendship.

 

 

Now we are on the 3rd boyfriend. I have not dated yet; trying to be independent. So she rolls her eyes at me. She dated him right after she broke up with number 2. He is actually number 2's best friend. I warn her, I'm ignored, they come across issues and break up, and I deal with the mess. Now they are back together. Not even 3 weeks into their total length of their relationship and they talk about moving in together, getting married, and staying the night with him already. I tell her she is moving a bit too fast. I get scoffed at and reminded, that I don't have much dating experience. I get a bad feeling around him. I have asked those around her to keep an eye out.

 

 

Now I am putting a happy face on. Shutting my mouth and telling her to quit being an askhole. She doesn't want the truth, she wants sugar-coated lies. We used to hang out all the time. I know she has a boyfriend, so I try to give him the weekends and most of the work week. I ask if she has any plans before asking her to do anything. Something made my brain click today. She loves my mom's cooking, especially this one dish, yet she said she had other things to do. It puzzled me. I'm lost and confused. I know how to read people, my reactions just suck. I still want to be her friend and be supportive, but my personality doesn't like to lie about anything if I can help it. So it makes it hard to keep my mouth shut. I am slowly being kicked to the curb. She may not see herself doing it though. I have talked to her, and I get ignored and pushed away. It is so frustrating!

[d0nnivain]

Have you ever told her you feel abandoned when she dates? Growing up my BFFs & I had a rule -- Fridays were for the girls & Saturdays were for dates. As we got older & eventually married, the rule grew more lax but it's early application always served to remind us not to abandon each other for a guy

[preraph]

I've found no amount of talking will help. Some women are just like that. Then they wonder why they end up with guys who don't want them to have friends -- when it was them that blacked out the friends as soon as they started dating to devote all their attention to the guy. It usually ends up unhealthy for them. Don't ever start off a relationship in a way you won't want to maintain later and give a guy false hopes that you will never want to see your friends. Trust me, when the new wears off for the couple or they start annoying each other, you'll hear from the friend more than you ever wanted to.

 

I remember an old college roommate of mine that I also moved around with after college started hooking up with this guy I rented a room from. Then all of a sudden, he was giving me the evil eye for just being home when he was entertaining her so I moved out. Then he became very possessive of her and they broke up. So she and I made plans for NY Eve and were still home priming ourselves to go out when he came over and just picked her up and took her. It was her own fault for letting that crap get started. Next boyfriend, same thing, and she had kids with him and I could never be around because he hated her having friends and would get stinking drunk when he knew I was in town. Some women just set themselves up to lose good friends and attract bad men.