searcher57 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=green][/color] i am new here and just need to vent. i own a website in partnership with a guy who i met on the net. we were both moderators at a website that we had joined due to our own personal problems. i became disabled overnite in an accident two years ago. i have a disease that over time will cripple me and the shock of the accident caused the disease to run rampant. i went through a period of terrible depression and the website that i joined offered me some incredible support. i met some very wonderful people. as i got better and learned better life coping skills i met my friend who was also feeling better also because of the site and the people there. i made the decision to give back and in so doing my friend and i opened a website together so that we could offer something wonderful to people. it was like a dream come true my new site. it was doing very well and growing nicely. the only problem i had was that this beautiful friendship that i gave my entire heart to had a dark secret. he was becoming more and more emotionally and verbally abusive. he would say terribly evil things to me and he even locked me out of our website and chatroom and humiliated me in front of some members. i have had no choice but to move on without him and start all over again. he has not spoken to me in a week and i believe it is because he knows that i have some serious issues to talk about. but after the silence went on for almost a week, i just went ahead and started making arrangements to open a new site. but i am in more pain right now and cannot stop crying because i know from his history that he will probably lose his temper and that will be the end of our friendship. i love him dearly and i dont recall feeling this kind of pain when a marriage ended or when i lost a parent. i guess i just gave my entire heart to this guy and i miss him desperately. during our good times we would be on voice call on the net for hours just talking. there is no romantic love involved here. he is 22 and i am 47. he is gay and i am female. so this is purely a friendship that i am losing and my heart is breaking more than it ever has before. i should be excited about the new website and i am but i am spending more time with tears falling than i should right now i believe. but i miss him so much and i know that time will heal it. i just cant take the amount of pain it has caused me. sorry to be so very long winded and if you are still reading, i thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I'm sorry about your accident and that sometimes people see things a little different. What was it that caused the rift between u two? There must have been something that he didn't /couldnt' cope with and caused the animosity. Someone doesnt just start being *verbally abusive*, theres more to this than youre telling us. Or am I just being crazy.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author searcher57 Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=green][/color] hi haunani and thank you for replying. i know it is hard to possibly know all the facts around the issues in our lives. and on this one, i believe i could write an epic novel and still there would be possible missing elements. there is one thing though and that is that my friend is bi-polar and just seems to cycle very quickly. the only thing is that it took some time before the abusive slights were hurled my way. the other thing that may help you understand is that through our conversations, it has become apparent that he is looking for some major recognition for what he is doing. but since he handles the technical side of our site and i am out there with the people constantly, he does not receive the positive strokes that he seems to be looking for. due to that, he has decided that he should take over my responsibilities on the site. i have been left with nothing to do on the site and i am an owner in name only. that was not my dream of giving back to people. i am in there day in day out and all night at times simply listening so that people may vent and be validated. i love these people with all my heart and i dont want positive strokes. i just want to know that some people are getting what is so necessary when suffering the diseases that we suffer. mine being autoimmune and others being depression or anxiety or in some cases both. there was someone there for me when i so badly needed comfort and understanding. i has some huge fears to wrap myself around and my future is a scary place. i want to give that back to people who need it just as much as i did. my problem is simply that i have to leave the site because of the direction he is taking it in however, i love him and dont want to lose him in the shuffle. what i am doing here is not looking for any solutions, i have to do that myself. its just a good vent and the need for some understanding is all. thanks again so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 you have every right to vent, of course it hurts us when we have to leave behind what we love because we feel its the *right* course of action to take. Healing takes time, and patience, but there is a reason behind all this that you may not understand right now, but time does make it better. Get out and be with others to laugh, enjoy life - don't let it pass you by simply because of a setback. Hold your chin high and know you are doing the right thing. Hang in there girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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