Am I reading to much

[livingnightmare]

Ok to cut a long story short, met a woman at the beginning of the year that I wrote about on here along the lines of was she into me, she told me she wasn't.

 

After my crush was nipped in the bud, we became close friends and still are, we msg and call each other every day without fail multiple times.

 

So I hadn't been up to see her in a while and she invited me over, the first thing that I noticed was she was now dressed up as sexy as can be, Ive never seen her dress up like this before in the flesh so it was new to see this.

 

Being a male with no female in my life I couldn't help but think some very naughty thoughts as she was asking me what do I think of what shes wearing, twirling around, sticking out her butt in this skimpy skirt and belly top. I felt guilty at first and felt like I was abusing our friendship but when she was posing I couldn't help it. She even got me to take loads of photos I enjoyed every moment. I was being provoked in my eyes after all she knows I'm not gay and shes very attractive and curvy.

 

Obviously I told her she looks very sexy etc, but at the same time I'm thinking shes my friend she doesn't think about me in the way I just thought about her and I was trying to be aware of any boundaries I could be breaking.

 

Im then asked do I think her stomach is fat and she pulled the front of her skirt exposing her knickers her thighs etc I was like holy m****f****g Sh*t inside my head, then her son came back unexpectedly from football and the atmosphere died right on the spot.

 

As the day went on there was not one chance to bring this up as then her family arrived then her very young daughter came down sick and that was the end of that for then.

 

A day later, we are on the phone and she starts talking about sex and how the last guy didnt really please her, how he wouldnt last long. I was like where is all this coming from am I reading things wrong that she sees me differently? I started telling her thats what round 2,3,4 oral, foreplay etc is for and somehow being under the influence slightly it slipped out that if that guy was me I would have given her the seeing to of her life all night long...

 

To my surprise she responds telling me how shes a freak in bed of which I told her that makes us a good match as I am the devil reincarnate in bed, very kinky etc and she tells me its not surprising as Capricorns are freaky too and how shes a Scorpio and is very sexual and how the star signs are very sexually compatible, Im now thinking and going to step it right up then....... battery dies ffs

 

Didnt get in till late and apologized by msg, got the usual good morning from her in the morning and she had something unexpected happen the day so we never got a chance to talk till last night of which I could clearly hear she was shattered so never went down the lines of the previous nights convo.

 

Anyway here I am now becoming overcome with thoughts on what the hell is going on?

 

Does she just trust me so much her guard is completely dropped around me and there is no sexual chemistry its just chit chat? I felt chemistry when I started talking about the kinky things id do she wanted to hear it all and encouraged it.

 

Is she just after sex?

 

Then another part says Ive grown on her?

 

Don't wanna ruin our friendship as genuinely once my crush at the beginning stopped I have seen her as the best of friends and she seen me the same as we have talked about it many times. Trouble is with this happening I cant stop thinking about her now and am wondering what she is thinking and if I mention something I may have the wrong end of the stick and ruin the friendship, but I cant help think we get on like a house on fire and maybe it could be a good thing.

 

My gut says just see how things go natural as they have been, am I reading things wrong and shes just over friendly being so close or is there something in the air, I'm sure its something in the air.

[Tbisb74]

If you look in a mirror, you will see, just under your nose, an orifice, which is capable of opening and closing. It contains a number of things, but right bang in the centre, is a tongue. Further back, the orifice extends to house a weird contraption called, in common terms, a 'voice box'.

I suggest you utilise all components skilfully and ask her if she's after a sexy time, in which case you'd volunteer, but given your emotional investment in her, (of which she is well aware) you know you would read more into it, so what is it that she wants, exactly? Because you've been getting some pretty overt messages recently, and you don't want to jump the gun or imagine things that are not there.

Try that. Please don't use texting to exchange deep and meaningful comments. It's very over-rated.

By the way, in your shoes, I would be thinking - "She so wants me!" But whether it would be on a FWB way or deeper, is for you to establish....

[livingnightmare]

If you look in a mirror, you will see, just under your nose, an orifice, which is capable of opening and closing. It contains a number of things, but right bang in the centre, is a tongue. Further back, the orifice extends to house a weird contraption called, in common terms, a 'voice box'.

I suggest you utilise all components skilfully and ask her if she's after a sexy time, in which case you'd volunteer, but given your emotional investment in her, (of which she is well aware) you know you would read more into it, so what is it that she wants, exactly? Because you've been getting some pretty overt messages recently, and you don't want to jump the gun or imagine things that are not there.

Try that. Please don't use texting to exchange deep and meaningful comments. It's very over-rated.

By the way, in your shoes, I would be thinking - "She so wants me!" But whether it would be on a FWB way or deeper, is for you to establish....

 

Thanks for the responce, i will tread carefully at the moment, and see if this convo with her can be triggered off again.

 

What do you mean by she knows I'm emotionally invested, because i tried before?

[livingnightmare]

If you look in a mirror, you will see, just under your nose, an orifice, which is capable of opening and closing. It contains a number of things, but right bang in the centre, is a tongue. Further back, the orifice extends to house a weird contraption called, in common terms, a 'voice box'.

I suggest you utilise all components skilfully and ask her if she's after a sexy time, in which case you'd volunteer, but given your emotional investment in her, (of which she is well aware) you know you would read more into it, so what is it that she wants, exactly? Because you've been getting some pretty overt messages recently, and you don't want to jump the gun or imagine things that are not there.

Try that. Please don't use texting to exchange deep and meaningful comments. It's very over-rated.

By the way, in your shoes, I would be thinking - "She so wants me!" But whether it would be on a FWB way or deeper, is for you to establish....

 

Thanks for the responce, i will tread carefully at the moment, and see if this convo with her can be triggered off again.

 

What do you mean by she knows I'm emotionally invested, because i tried before?

[Tbisb74]

yes. Which is what makes her behaviour even more of a 'come and get it' but you can never be too sure....

[preraph]

I was friends with guys a lot and they are the very ones I'd talk about that stuff to, not the guy I was wanting to date. She needs a reminder that you were attracted to her and she friendzoned you but that she now has an obligation not to do things to torture you. She is indeed treating you like you are gay. She may not quite understand how easily men become turned on. A male friend explained that to me one day when I wore something skimpy saying he was only human and girls had no idea what it did to men. I didn't mind. I didn't know.

[livingnightmare]

yes. Which is what makes her behaviour even more of a 'come and get it' but you can never be too sure....

 

The thing is just after the time I let my interest in her known and was told she just wants to be friends, my daughters mother got in contact with me with an apology, an explanation and even more revelations of how we ended all for her own guilt and it brought back lots of emotions with lots of more questions and opened up old wounds.

 

My friend was a real good friend to me at this point for support and someone to talk too, and that was where from my point of view we became best friends for real and I had lost any interest in pursuing her in that way and felt completely 100% comfortable as a friend with no hidden desires, yes I thought she was sexy, pretty, beautiful hair etc as Im still a man, but I respected how much support she gave me and I figure now from how I let the contact with my daughters mother bother me my friend would obviously know I dont have any feelings like that for her.

 

So im not sure if she does think I have emotional investment in her anymore?

 

You never can be to sure is right, knowing my history with women I'm probably imagining it and shes just comfortable with me being her best friend....

 

But I still don't get why she would show me down her skirt like that she knows I havent had sex in a longggg time, or any female interaction. She is not no innocent girl and knows how to tease guys easily and is not lacking in guys approaching her, and has a very sexy way of carrying herself, but I do believe she cares for me at least as a friend and knowing I dont have a woman surely she would know that would be cruel to show me down her skirt like that then talk about sex and let me tell her how I would give her a good seeing to if it was me with the opportunity, she was very interested in what I was saying and did not change the subject only help it along.

[livingnightmare]

I was friends with guys a lot and they are the very ones I'd talk about that stuff to, not the guy I was wanting to date. She needs a reminder that you were attracted to her and she friendzoned you but that she now has an obligation not to do things to torture you. She is indeed treating you like you are gay. She may not quite understand how easily men become turned on. A male friend explained that to me one day when I wore something skimpy saying he was only human and girls had no idea what it did to men. I didn't mind. I didn't know.

 

She knows full well what skimpy clothes do to men, shes spoke about when she has worn her this and her that when shes gone out before and how men react, she also knows full well I haven't been with a woman in a long while so I cant understand why she would show me down her skirt showing me her sexy knickers in that way. I have become apart of her life as a friend every day for some time now and the communication has escalated massively on her part and it was her doing most of the calling anyway, so I really cant figure out if she knows that would be cruel why she would do it.

 

Maybe she just thinks because we are very close friends it would have no effect on me?

 

The mind baffles, shes gone out to her siblings today so probably wont hear from her now till tomorrow, which is good as I get some space as much as I want to hear from her.

 

Wish I could go back one week ago, had not a care in the world, and everything in my life was in an ordered place for once for the first time in a very long time.

[jeffmeyers]

If I understand you correctly and if I were in your shoes, I think I would get a bit angry and ask her what she's up to.

 

It's clear this girl is not just a piece of ass to you and she's supposed to be aware of your (past) feelings so why is she toying with you as if these two points are irrelevant? Maybe her feelings have changed and this is her clumsy way of showing it, but I'm not too convinced this is the case. It sounds more to me she needs attention/validation/sex and you are satisfactory enough to be used for that purpose. No matter how sexy she may look, she is disrespecting you.

[livingnightmare]

If I understand you correctly and if I were in your shoes, I think I would get a bit angry and ask her what she's up to.

 

It's clear this girl is not just a piece of ass to you and she's supposed to be aware of your (past) feelings so why is she toying with you as if these two points are irrelevant? Maybe her feelings have changed and this is her clumsy way of showing it, but I'm not too convinced this is the case. It sounds more to me she needs attention/validation/sex and you are satisfactory enough to be used for that purpose. No matter how sexy she may look, she is disrespecting you.

 

Now you have mentioned it I do feel slight anger if shes just teasing, but the two times there was an opportunity to do something there was her son arriving unsuspected very early back from football and circumstances never allowed anything to come or not come from it. The second time was when my battery went dead.

 

Something is telling me it is the attention/validation/sex but more like the first two, I cant help think on the other hand that if it wasn't for the circumstances I would have found out right there and then with the skirt incident and perhaps she didn't mean to disrespect me and trusted me enough to give me some action.... I would not have said no to be honest.

 

I intend to bring up that Im having a frustrating evening when I get the chance and when she asks why, I will tell her its because Im getting hornier than ever having no action in so long especially since what I seen last week. Shes bound to ask what I seen and thats when I will tell her what I seen and take it from there.

 

If she is teasing me for nothing and we are suppose to be friends I will be angry and will have to seriously re-evaluate our friendship as I don't see her as a piece of ass (even though shes made me feel like wanting a piece of it now again) I see her as a genuine friend who I respect a lot and think she has respect for me which is whats making this more puzzling to me as we have become very close with each other and now the thought is in my mind it has me wandering all sorts on all levels, as right now its like I fancy her again and have that annoying crush feeling because of this.

[SpiralOut]

Maybe she wants you to chase her again. Either she loves being chased because it boosts her ego, or she changed her mind about you. To me it sounds like she just wants attention. Only way to know is to ask her.

[Sugarkane]

If I was you I'd be angry. When I've rejected someone, I don't come onto them later. I've never dressed sexy for male friends, asked them if I looked fat, let them take sexy pics of me, talk about my sex life etc. What she's doing is pretty mean.

[livingnightmare]

Maybe she wants you to chase her again. Either she loves being chased because it boosts her ego, or she changed her mind about you. To me it sounds like she just wants attention. Only way to know is to ask her.

 

Thats what I'm thinking to now. Soon as I get the opportunity I intend to, soon as this is nipped in the bud the better if its all an ego boost. I will be seriously re-evaluating the friendship if its all a game.

[livingnightmare]

If I was you I'd be angry. When I've rejected someone, I don't come onto them later. I've never dressed sexy for male friends, asked them if I looked fat, let them take sexy pics of me, talk about my sex life etc. What she's doing is pretty mean.

 

Because I'm not certain yet I cant be angry fully as I don't want to get the wrong idea and ruin anything.

[preraph]

Well, it's crappy of her to flaunt it around you. But if you're living in hope she has changed her mind, since she already knows you want her and given how brazen she's been showing herself off and telling you things, I believe she'd take a much more direct approach if that was the case. Why don't you mess with her a little since she's doing it to you. Next time she does something like this, say, So does you asking me how pretty you are mean you are now interested in me? At worst, it will make her think twice.

[whichwayisup]

She is selfishly using you to pump up her own ego and enjoying flirting with you knowing full well nothing is gonna happen between you two. To put it bluntly, she's a c/.k tease and her knowing how you feel about her makes this even worse. Men and women who are just friends DO NOT behave like she has.

[jeffmeyers]

Well, it's crappy of her to flaunt it around you. But if you're living in hope she has changed her mind, since she already knows you want her and given how brazen she's been showing herself off and telling you things, I believe she'd take a much more direct approach if that was the case. Why don't you mess with her a little since she's doing it to you. Next time she does something like this, say, So does you asking me how pretty you are mean you are now interested in me? At worst, it will make her think twice.

 

Or...

 

Invite her to your place and welcome her in nothing but a red speedo and some shiny body lotion all over your body. Ask her if your biceps and pecs are not too small. Make sure to act clumsy, dropping objects on the floor and strategically bending over in front of her to pick them up.

 

See if she gets the hint.

[livingnightmare]

Ego boost it was, I am now being ignored. Feeling used to be honest.

 

This will never happen again.

[jeffmeyers]

Be strong and ignore her back. If she comes to wonder why you're giving her the cold shoulder, finally have that talk you were supposed to have.

 

 

If this marks the point where you don't see her anymore. Good riddance. You'll know what kind of friend she was.

[livingnightmare]

Be strong and ignore her back. If she comes to wonder why you're giving her the cold shoulder, finally have that talk you were supposed to have.

 

 

If this marks the point where you don't see her anymore. Good riddance. You'll know what kind of friend she was.

 

I just feel a little disappointed now but its wearing off fast, I can say the thoughts of what I started this thread over have left. I'm more disappointed with the fact we were suppose to be the best of friends. Maybe she has some problems, wants space etc, but to be calling, texting me every day with lots of enthusiasm to getting ignored just like that isn't right.

 

I don't know if I should just delete and block every trace of her, mates don't just ignore their friends, I guess I will wait and see in case something has happened, but then again if something has happened who would you call... your mates, I clearly can't be that much of a friend.

 

I'm not texting or calling her until she texts or calls me and as suggested it will not be any time soon.

[jeffmeyers]

I just feel a little disappointed now but its wearing off fast, I can say the thoughts of what I started this thread over have left. I'm more disappointed with the fact we were suppose to be the best of friends. Maybe she has some problems, wants space etc, but to be calling, texting me every day with lots of enthusiasm to getting ignored just like that isn't right.

 

I don't know if I should just delete and block every trace of her, mates don't just ignore their friends, I guess I will wait and see in case something has happened, but then again if something has happened who would you call... your mates, I clearly can't be that much of a friend.

 

I'm not texting or calling her until she texts or calls me and as suggested it will not be any time soon.

 

Yep, you shouldn't burn all bridges at this point. Leave her be, do your own thing. If she comes around, this friendship could be salvaged, but just be on your guard.

[Beachead]

Livingnightmare,

 

This woman is an attention seeker and is only interested in using you to boost her confidence. Friends don't have you pulling your hair out trying to analyze behaviour. They're consistent and respectful.

 

Don't be surprised if she tries to reel you back in when you try to drop her, it'll be the same old story.

 

Be strong, respect yourself and move on from this. She's not friend material.

 

Beachead

Edited August 2, 2014 by Beachead

[livingnightmare]

Thanks for the responses, she got in contact last night, something bad happened that I wont mention, but it has thrown my friend into a depression, shes feeling very low in herself from it and she just wants to be by herself and her kids for a while and its nothing against me she needs time to herself to snap out of it.

 

It is pretty bad what has happened, and if that had happened to me I know it would put me on a big low. She didn't have to tell me, so I respect her for that.

 

I tried to plant some positivity in her mind and told her to make the most of her time alone with the kids and if she needs to get it all out I'm only on the other end of the phone. The one thing I have learned about my friend is she bottles deep stuff up and lets it get to her, she won't talk about her deep issues until shes ready, so I won't bring it up until she wants to.

 

I'm not going to impose on her time to herself though so I will just give her space until shes ready to open up. I will have better boundaries next time, as its my lack of boundaries that made this situation arise, this has taught me a few things.

 

When shes in a better place I will bring up the flirting issue and be as open as possible, I will tell her that I can see her as a platonic friend with no issues at all, but because she is very attractive, me being single, her showing me down her skirt, getting me taking photos of her posing in skimpy dress I will start to presume she wants more than friendship and she should be aware of that. If she is a real friend she will understand that no matter what she makes of it.

[livingnightmare]

Maybe I need a new thread, but the twists of this very small tale would be lost so I'll keep it here.

 

So after she tells me she is down, wants time alone etc and I told her I'm here if she needs me (maybe I shouldnt have said it as friends know that anyway.)

 

So the next day I missed a call and phoned back an hour later and she had family arrive so couldn't talk properly, I told her to phone me back after they have gone as I thought she was ready to talk about it, or just ready to talk in general, not that I waited on it, but the call never came.

 

Anyway I messaged my friend this morning telling her I'm worried shes isolating herself and telling herself defeatist things ( I have been diagnosed with major depression in the past and don't want to see anyone feeling like that.) I then get, I'm making a big deal over nothing, thanks for the concern in a text which I just responded ok, and that was it.

 

I feel totaly taken advantage of, angry and used for my friendship. She was the one who told me she was very down, what kind of friend would I be If I didn't check to see shes ok?

 

I'm not going to say anything, act on anything etc I'm just simply going to drop off the face of the earth, I'm not going to make any contact whatsoever, no texts, no calls nadda.

 

I've had self esteem problems in the past and I'm still fighting to the top, but when so called friends do this and your not in the 100% frame of mind it does knock you back a bit, well it has me anyway.

 

I dont know what to make of this, it was only those flirting incidents recently, everything else was platonic for ages, and we grew really close as friends and I find it hard to let people close anyway any more because of how me and my daughters mother split. I cant believe everyone I feel a bond with just lets me down at the blink of an eyelid and thats that, no explanation nothing.

 

I'd better choose my friends more carefully, but how do you when they give you nothing but friendship first? How do you judge who to be friends with?

 

Looks like I'm the one who needs the me time now.

[whichwayisup]

Anyway I messaged my friend this morning telling her I'm worried shes isolating herself and telling herself defeatist things ( I have been diagnosed with major depression in the past and don't want to see anyone feeling like that.) I then get, I'm making a big deal over nothing, thanks for the concern in a text which I just responded ok, and that was it.

 

How is she isolating herself? Honestly, I think she's fine and in her own way is asking you to back off and leave her alone , she will contact you when she feels like it. You care and she is being bitchy to you.

 

Just stop. This woman is NOT a real or true friend. Those who genuinely care do not go around saying stuff like she has.

 

I feel totaly taken advantage of, angry and used for my friendship. She was the one who told me she was very down, what kind of friend would I be If I didn't check to see shes ok?

 

As you should and it's good you're seeing the writing on the wall about her.

 

Take that 'me' time and think about what it is you're actually getting from this friendship. Sounds like it's doing more damage to you than good.