AF. Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 - I'm a single straight male - Have a friend who I've known for about 3 years now and we've become pretty close - His demeanor is very girly and feminine, mine is the total opposite - Has mentioned how he has gotten with girls before (possibly a cover up - never seen him in action) - Almost certain he is gay after seeing him like photos of gay guys on Instagram recently - Pretty much confirmed through a mutual friend through a Tinder scenario How do I approach this situation? I am very curious to confirm whether he is gay or not as I feel being his close friend it should be information I am privy of. I don't really have the guts to ask him as I feel it is disrespectful. We have mutual friends but nobody really knows and has been told by him themselves. Not sure how I feel about this. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Why do you feel like you need to know? Will it change your friendship? It shouldn't. He's the same person you've always known, right? So what if he happens to like men instead of women......IMO, its not your business unless he offers it up of his own accord. He wouldn't have to tell you of every single crush on every woman he's had in his entire life would he? So along that line why do you feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to whether he likes men or not (unless he chooses to share that with you, of course)? Bottom line - you leave it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AF. Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Well I've left it alone for a long time now. It has impacted the friendship as we've been distant the past couple months. He will get angry at me for small things and I got fed up with it. I'm a chilled out guy. I think it's his personality that has started to bother me more than anything. We're very different. Not exactly sure why I want to know. But I will admit it will change the friendship if I find out he's gay indefinitely. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Well I've left it alone for a long time now. It has impacted the friendship as we've been distant the past couple months. He will get angry at me for small things and I got fed up with it. I'm a chilled out guy. I think it's his personality that has started to bother me more than anything. We're very different. Not exactly sure why I want to know. But I will admit it will change the friendship if I find out he's gay indefinitely. Well, thats sad to hear. I would probably do him a favor if I were you, cut his losses and leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 - I'm a single straight male - Have a friend who I've known for about 3 years now and we've become pretty close - His demeanor is very girly and feminine, mine is the total opposite - Has mentioned how he has gotten with girls before (possibly a cover up - never seen him in action) - Almost certain he is gay after seeing him like photos of gay guys on Instagram recently - Pretty much confirmed through a mutual friend through a Tinder scenario How do I approach this situation? I am very curious to confirm whether he is gay or not as I feel being his close friend it should be information I am privy of. I don't really have the guts to ask him as I feel it is disrespectful. We have mutual friends but nobody really knows and has been told by him themselves. Not sure how I feel about this. You don't. What difference does it make to you if he's gay or straight? When he is ready to come out and talk about it he will so don't bring it up. What you can do though is let him know that you adore him as your buddy and are blessed that he's in your life and you'll always be there for him no matter what. That at least gives him the foundation of knowing he can trust and rely on you, talk to you about stuff if and when that time comes he wants to open up. Just to add, his personal life is his business so don't get caught up in gossip or what mutual friends are saying about him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Well I've left it alone for a long time now. It has impacted the friendship as we've been distant the past couple months. He will get angry at me for small things and I got fed up with it. I'm a chilled out guy. I think it's his personality that has started to bother me more than anything. We're very different. Not exactly sure why I want to know. But I will admit it will change the friendship if I find out he's gay indefinitely. Okay, ignore my other reply then since it seems you won't accept him as your friend if he is gay. Walk away now before you hurt him. Focus on your other friends who aren't gay and don't irritate you so much. Good luck...Though I think you're making a mistake by possibly cutting him out of your life because he's gay.... He isn't "into" you if that is what you're worried about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AF. Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Would just like to clarify that it's not because he's gay (or supposedly) that annoys me. It's the difference in personalities. I'm an extremely laid-back, jokey sort of guy and he's not. He constantly challenges me on things and sometimes cannot see my sense of humour. Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If you really want to know, then become a close enough friend that he feels comfortable telling you. You don't deserve to know just because you are curious. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Would just like to clarify that it's not because he's gay (or supposedly) that annoys me. It's the difference in personalities. I'm an extremely laid-back, jokey sort of guy and he's not. He constantly challenges me on things and sometimes cannot see my sense of humour. Then why even bother bringing up the gay issue? Your first opening post totally contradicts what you say now. How do I approach this situation? I am very curious to confirm whether he is gay or not as I feel being his close friend it should be information I am privy of. I don't really have the guts to ask him as I feel it is disrespectful. We have mutual friends but nobody really knows and has been told by him themselves. Not sure how I feel about this. But I will admit it will change the friendship if I find out he's gay indefinitely. If you really feel your personalities don't mesh, then walk away or just distance yourself from him and let the friendship die a natural death on it's own. Stop making efforts to keep in touch with him. You say he's a close friend though, so again it just makes me wonder if him being possibly gay IS the issue and you're using the differences between you two as an excuse to bail out. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You don't because it's none of your business. Has your supposedly gay friend confronted you about your orientation? Nuh-uh. So? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 A) his sexuality is none of your business. B) he deserves better friends, because you are not a very good friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pompom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Would just like to clarify that it's not because he's gay (or supposedly) that annoys me. It's the difference in personalities. I'm an extremely laid-back, jokey sort of guy and he's not. He constantly challenges me on things and sometimes cannot see my sense of humour. So then how is his gayness or potential gayness even relevant? Since one does not suddenly become gay, his personality probably hasn't changed since you started suspecting he may be gay. It's probably just your own attitude. Look, if he isn't into you, you can perfectly be friends unless other things not related to his gayness present a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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