tnimbus Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 I've been dealing with a lot the past few months, and working hard to get my "house" in order, so to speak. A bit down today, as I had to let go of yet another friend in my "housecleaning." My friends have dwindled..and some family relations, as I've worked to have a more positive, productive and happy life and relationship. I won't stop, or give up my new habits and health to keep toxic people around....but it does hurt a bit. I'm not judging, but I am realizing that as my outlook and life get more positive, some of these people who are going...well...they seem to like making and having problems for themselves all the time. It seems to ...upset them in some way, that I am choosing to work through issues, and bring more positive things into my life, and not bring more problems on myself....a little sad. I'm not talking about anyone with a very serious issue, or life problem here..those things happen to us all, and we all go through hard times..having a friend and being a friend when life throws harsh things around is wonderful...I want to clarify that. What I'm talking about here is "friends", and family who seem to always be embroiled in negative things..or happy when drama and problems abound...for them, and for me. Has anyone dealt with this, and what did you do? Any advice, opinions, philosophizing and ranting is welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 If you have people bringing you down and feel you're so vulnerable that you can't stop it from affecting you, then by all means clean house. I would just caution that as you said, we all have ups and downs, and friends don't only come around when someone is up but are also there to help when they're down. But yes, some people can make horrible decisions and we get tired of seeing them gored by the bull they waved the red flag in front of. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnimbus Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 You make a very good point there preaph, and I will ponder it. I have been feeling vulnerable for a time now...I will try to practice healthy detachment for a while, and work on why this vulnerability is swirling about within. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I think what you're going through is very normal when you're getting healthy. Good for you. Other people own their lives and you own yours. Yes, it is temporarily lonely and doesn't feel very comfortable. But you sound like a nice person and that won't last:) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnimbus Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 Thank you AnneT.:)You sound like a nice person too. I've been pondering it all a bit..I made some decisions that lead to some mistakes. Since then yes, I have been vulnerable in some ways...but like you say,I'm owning my life again.Things will look up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 In some ways friends are like toned back lovers. Not in a sexual way but in an emotional way. A very early episode of Seinfeld had Jerry trying to dump an old school friend. It's a funny show it uses the parrallels of ending a relationship. Jerry gives him the "it's not you, it's me speech" and the old friend is asking "what did I do wrong?" The point I am trying to make is if friends or family regularly get you down or if your relationship with them is unhealthy then let them go. Just like you would with an ex. It sounds harsh but why have people in your life who bring you down that low. Friends you choose and family you don't. So why choose bad friends and put up with bad family you had no choice over in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I had a friend from when I was 16 we lived at each others houses, listened to the same music, dated girls at the same time, serviced cars etc etc As we went into our twenties I noticed that once he had a girlfriend he never got in touch. Not a call, nothing (no mobile phones or email or facebook back then). I couldn't get him out for a beer on any night of the week. Then when he broke up from his GF he wanted to see me all the time. Going to bars, clubs, football matches. Then he met a new girl and guess what - gone again. Over 10 years this happened 3 times. Then one day I got a call. He'd broke up from his girlfriend and was I out Saturday night? I wasn't. I was pissed off and never called or saw him again. A couple of years ago he popped up on facebook to friend me. I declined. I'm 'friends' on FB with people I barely know, but an old close mate from my formative years I don't want to know. Thinking about it now he upset me, messed me about and used me when he wanted something, just like a bad relationship. I'm not bitter or resentful, but like an ex from a bad relationship long ago I want nothing to do with him. A long winded way of saying. Don't feel bad about letting go of bad friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 If you're going through any sort of recovery or coming out from or in a depression, it's a time when you often feel like a stripped twig, and it hurts anytime the wind blows. On top of that when you're coming back from something that has been all-encompassing, it's like your eyes are open for the first time in awhile, and you resume changing and maturing but you see around you those who are clearly stuck in whatever they're stuck in and sort of decaying. It's a time to only surround yourself with those you feel are safe and supportive. You have good instincts and now is the time to use them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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