The passive friend

[No Limit]

Hello y'all,

 

I'd like some opinions/advice on a rather personal level.

 

Here's the story;

 

Ever since I've been placed in a new class I've made plenty of friends, some closer than the others. One of the friends who came closer is a girl that maybe tried to "recruit" me as her best friend*, but to me that's just impossible. We do have a lot in common yes, and I'm quite happy to say that people know I'm no backstabber, able to keep secrets/don't participate in mean-spirited gossip etc, the nice girl next door.

 

But I still like my solitude. In school I'm social and chat with people, but I don't like "surprise visits" to my home for example; also because I'm barely at home, we drive around a lot, although I'll be honest and say that I didn't open the door 2 times and just pretended to be gone. If she'd call me or send a little text it'd be okay, it would also give me the option to decline if necessary, but random visits at any time? Sorry, that's a no-go.

 

That's why I've sometimes basically been called unreliable, but that's just who I am. I'm never bored alone at home, and if you need to talk you don't need to give me a surprise visit - call me, text me, anything really.

 

Another accusation which is the only one that sometimes really annoys me is the "you never text back" one. Since we meet almost daily at school most stuff is talked about there, sometimes 2 weeks go by without any texts or messages at all - but when they suddenly text me out of nowhere I'm apparently expected to text back in 5 minutes flat.

 

I'm also not the type of girl that'll spend all holidays with you at the local lake, plenty of times I've been texted and asked for a movie night while I was already waiting at the airport or train station.

This is also sometimes a trouble factor; a few weeks ago I've come back from another city-trip and was terribly exhausted after hours in a train. During the ride a friend of mine texted me to come over once I got home - it was my birthday - but I declined, all I wanted was some rest. What I didn't know was that they've baked a surprise birthday cake for me, so a few days later I got some more accusations.

 

It's not like we never do anything together; among the many topics in school is also the "what are we going to do this weekend"-topic, and we usually do meet and go out to a bar or restaurant. But so far every time anyone tries to "surprise" me is terribly timed and I get the blame.

 

The question I ask myself; they know what I'm like, they know that you can't just ring at my door because chances are I'm not even at home, but why do they expect otherwise and act disappointed if I don't meet those expectations?

 

 

*Alright, alright, a little back story here; the reason I was placed into this new class is because I was bullied quite badly in my old one, and this was the only option to save my schools' flawless reputation. One of my worst bullies was my former best friend of two years I had a nearly magical connection with, we had a matching temperament, matching interests, there was a time when during a school trip when the students were seperated into groups the teachers said "Not those two, they can't be seperated". Well, when almost 30 people turned against me and she noticed she was about to drown with the sinking ship she fed them information you only tell a best friend about to spread some new gossip and get accepted into the bully group. I don't blame her though, my situation back then was extreme.

 

Needless to say, I'm never going to place anyone on the "best friend throne" ever again. But I've been in that class for almost 3 years now; and while there are many girls in my class you really could just visit at 3 A.M., I'm not one of them, I'm the "passive friend". Why would I receive blame for that? I've never acted any different either, I've never spent day after day with any of them.

 

Lots of text I know, but I'd just like some input.

Edited June 26, 2014 by No Limit