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Why will people do anything to stay in a group?


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I ran into an ex friend years ago. But she just rudely stared at me like I had two heads. My ex best friend and I had a falling out. She turned all the mutual friends against me. She bullied and backstabbed me and lied throughout. Yet none of the mutual friends even bothered to ask me my side. Why is this? Why can't people think for themselves in a group? I find it odd that someone can be friends for you for years, but people are happy to let a friendship go if there's a dominating person in the group.

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I had been in the group just as long as everyone else. Was everyone too scared of going against my ex best friend or something?

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Glinda.Good

Maybe they actually like your ex best friend. And it's possible they made up their minds about that individually.

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Don't expect noble behavior from people at large. Vet your friends selectively, and don't be surprised about the rest.

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I guess if they like to be friends with someone who will use you, stab people in the back and will take the low road every time. The ex best friend is a real piece of work. She ended things with getting her new friends to verbally abuse me, even though they had been friends with her, a week or two.

Maybe they actually like your ex best friend. And it's possible they made up their minds about that individually.
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What do you mean?

Don't expect noble behavior from people at large. Vet your friends selectively, and don't be surprised about the rest.
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I think that people in groups usually tend to be swayed by the more dominant person, and may take their side, develop their opinion. But I honestly believe that over time people's true colours come out and friends see them for who they really are and you for you really are, so just give it time and be true to yourself, and be positive when you do see these other friends. Maybe over time they will come back to you... if you will want them then.

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todreaminblue

I know when people dont like me or trust me, in groups its like dumping waves, makes me feel exposed and ready to defend myself, then snide comments arise and i realize they are for me.I dont hang in groups like that, reminds me of a brothel.

 

 

I go home and hang with people who care about me who i know would be there for me, people need other like minded spirits to chill with, to feel at home with to talk to to help to be understood to help others be understood, if you dotn feel comfortable dont hang there find your peoples

 

took me a long time to find a group where i am growing in confidence i still get a few niggles , a little jealousy felt here and there, that happens not everyone has to love me and not everyone is perfick, just the right ones for me who accept me with a smile let them feel how happy i am.I enjoy their company and i know they love mine so i hang out and its fun.loads of fudge to be had, they love food too

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todreaminblue
People can't usually think for themselves. Period. We have a mob mentality here.

 

what mentality is that enigma, i seemed to have misplaced the memo about how i am supposed to have that mentality.or is that because i am my own mental case i dont need more mentality from the mob.where is the mob by the way i cant see them anywhere i just see words.

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todreaminblue
Did you just call yourself a mental case?

 

everybody is why do you ask

i will clarifgy in advance in case you are actually interested

 

i have a theory that anyone who has let doubt ruin happiness either personal happiness or the happiness of another has mental issues, where they refuse to listen to their heart .....the only person who has ruined my chances of happiness in my past has been my own doubts therefore making me one who listens to what i am thinking without involving a true hearts input.I think love shack is full of people who doubt their own hearts and hearts of others as evident from the opening post.

Edited by todreaminblue
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are you free from guilt that you haven't done anything suspicious for your ex friends to believe all the lies they heard from your ex bestfriend?

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I ran into an ex friend years ago. But she just rudely stared at me like I had two heads. My ex best friend and I had a falling out. She turned all the mutual friends against me. She bullied and backstabbed me and lied throughout. Yet none of the mutual friends even bothered to ask me my side. Why is this? Why can't people think for themselves in a group? I find it odd that someone can be friends for you for years, but people are happy to let a friendship go if there's a dominating person in the group.

 

To be fair, this is YOUR perception of the situation. I find it hard to believe that you are the only person in the group with any sort of level-headedness. Perhaps the others viewed it more as a two-way argument/drama and just chose to stay out of it.

 

And even in the off chance that it really happened the way you describe, perhaps you should just make different friends?

 

What sort of advice are you looking for exactly?

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whichwayisup
I ran into an ex friend years ago. But she just rudely stared at me like I had two heads. My ex best friend and I had a falling out. She turned all the mutual friends against me. She bullied and backstabbed me and lied throughout. Yet none of the mutual friends even bothered to ask me my side. Why is this? Why can't people think for themselves in a group? I find it odd that someone can be friends for you for years, but people are happy to let a friendship go if there's a dominating person in the group.

 

Unfortunately many people tend to not speak up and stay quiet. Sounds like that ex friend is a bully and her 'friends' that were also yours as well were too scared to speak up in case she turned on them. Sometimes it's easier to the dominating person (aka the pushy bully) have their way as it creates less drama.

 

Or it could be they were closer friends with her than with you so they chose to stick with her instead.

 

Let the past stay in the past and focus on your friends that are in your life now.

Edited by whichwayisup
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littleplanet
I ran into an ex friend years ago. But she just rudely stared at me like I had two heads. My ex best friend and I had a falling out. She turned all the mutual friends against me. She bullied and backstabbed me and lied throughout. Yet none of the mutual friends even bothered to ask me my side. Why is this? Why can't people think for themselves in a group? I find it odd that someone can be friends for you for years, but people are happy to let a friendship go if there's a dominating person in the group.

 

 

Mob mentality.

It takes courage to stand alone.

Make up your own mind.

Walk your own path. (At least you know it's yours.)

 

The sad thing about this is........people like this often don't want to know the truth. They just want to know where they stand.

 

Hurtful stuff.

But better off to leave in the dust. :cool:

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Assuming everyone in the group are girls... girls + friends = drama (though not most of the time).

 

I agree with the others that the "friends" chose to side with your ex best friend because she was probably the "dominant" one (or the leader). The leader usually is well-liked and whatever she does is approved and praised by the others because they want to fit in. Not much people would like to go against that. It's too bad that your ex best friend did this to you, but I'm sure you'll meet better friends.

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I don't have a lot of friends at all, but the few I have are true.

I just don't do the big group thing because I feel like without a strong connection it ends up like this.

I would worry one bit about losing any of these "friends".

Keep only positive people around you.

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