freebird31 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) What do you think of friends who you vent to, who tell you "im tired of hearing people complaining do something about it or get over it" honestly it made me mad, but not mad at the person. mad at myself. it made me mad that i have to tell other people my problems. like i wish i could just deal with stuff on my own, without having to rely on others for comfort or advice. Yet, here i am doing it again on here....blah. idk. this person has a point of course, but it made me so mad because i feel like those are the total wrong words to say to someone. if they dont want to hear my problem, they could have told me in a different way. It makes me mad as well because i told this person all my personal probs and they saw my most vulnerable side. To hear those words make me so angry with myself for being too open with my emotions/problems with others. I should learn better to cope on my own. I should also add that we're good friends for like 10 years now. And this "problem" that i have has been going on for a quite a while, so in my friend's defense i have been venting for quite a while about the issue. But i still think its completely rude and there are def different ways of telling people you dont want to hear their problem, instead of just snapping like that. Edited April 19, 2014 by freebird31 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Real friends are there to listen to you no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 If this has been going on for quite a while before your friend snapped about it, then maybe you should stop talking and start listening. Yes, friends should be supportive, but there comes a point when if a person just becomes a broken record when they have options they could take to change a situation, our friends decide you're just using them for a sounding board with no intention to really take any advice they offer, and that's why they eventually get mad about it. If you're not going to seriously consider any suggestions she's made, you have no right to keep repeating yourself about it to her. You either need to act to change the situation or act to change the way you are reacting to it and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 If this has been going on for quite a while before your friend snapped about it, then maybe you should stop talking and start listening. Yes, friends should be supportive, but there comes a point when if a person just becomes a broken record when they have options they could take to change a situation, our friends decide you're just using them for a sounding board with no intention to really take any advice they offer, and that's why they eventually get mad about it. If you're not going to seriously consider any suggestions she's made, you have no right to keep repeating yourself about it to her. You either need to act to change the situation or act to change the way you are reacting to it and move on. Okay. I can understand my friends frustration but, was there not a better approach at telling me? I mean instead of "I'm tired of hearing people around me complain about the same thing" I just felt it was rude. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Do you feel that you give this friend an equal amount of emotional support, when he/she has problems? Would you say that the airtime in your conversations is balanced? (each friend gets an relatively equal amount of time to speak....) I'm not judging, either way---I'm asking the questions, to be able to give you advice/insight from a place of being more fully informed..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 freestyle has posed some thoughtful questions. Your friend might've been in a bad mood at the time/experiencing their own troubles at the time and wasn't in a space to be as responsive as you/they would've liked to be. Sometimes it does get draining to listen to someone vent about the same thing, even if it's someone we care deeply about. But yes, your friend could have approached it in a more sensitive manner. You two have been friends for a decade. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. It's okay to go to friends for support! Perhaps encourage them to let you know that if they're not in a space to empathize/listen attentively, to let you know this when you approach them to share/vent/etc. I'm sure they still care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 What "different way" do you think your friend should have told you? Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 It seems you're far more concerned about what this friend is giving you than what you are giving them. If a friend uncharacteristically snaps at you like that it's time to pay attention to what they need from you. Why aren't you wondering what's going on with them and asking if they're ok? And have you offended them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Freebird, I just wrote on your other post and now I'm assuming you were talking about the same best friend, but the posts were totally different. In one, you said she is ignoring you and in this one you say she's listened and listened and then told you to move on. Is this the same "best friend" who now has a boyfriend and is ignoring you or not? Because that one, I felt she wasn't much of a friend. This one, I felt you were not respecting her opinion but kept telling her the problem over and over. Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 It's funny you first ask what we think of friends who tell you to get over something. Then you admit that you aren't actually angry at them, but at yourself. Maybe you are actually questioning what you think of yourself, more than these friends. Why do you get so irked? Why do you insist on giving your power away to these friends? Why is the question even envoked? Maybe you get angry because you feel that you are making too big a deal of it? Or maybe you feel you aren't, but you are afraid you are coming off like it. I actually understand just where you are coming from. I'm learning to get over when people say stuff that is off color like that. The anger is there trying to protect you from "feeling stupid" but you have to accept it for what it is. If these are real friends, they aren't saying it out of anger or spite. Sometimes they are wrapped up in their own b.s. and they say crap that comes off wrong. Sometimes they are annoyed, sometimes you have to admit you are harping on things too much. Other times you have to realize someone may have pooped in their wheaties this morning, and no offense to you, but their problems are just taking precedence at the time. I think a lot of times people really are distracted with their own lives and don't realize they are coming off as rude. You have to get over it and not let other people's reactions define your reality. And then again, I think you hit on something with the self-anger comment that you need to discover more... Link to post Share on other sites
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